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ONE LIFETIME PAST...
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~...FOR YESTERDAYS...~
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Only yesterday I was child
clamoring, climbing
up the steps
and into the big yellow "scool" bus...
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And it was only yesterday when, as a child
looking, searching...
my biggest problems
were finding something to do
with my idle summer vacation
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Only yesterday~~~ as a growing young lady
giggling, sophistication
Friends would exchange
(gasp) storybook fantasies~ by pillowfights, pj's
and curlers in our hair
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Only yesterday, as a young woman
nurturing, learning
to define dreams
Which only could come alive where fears
dared to mingle
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Only yesterday, the chaste, untouched innocence
believing, daring
the child inside
moving farther away from its promise
to itself
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Yesterday; as its meaning fades yet implies
passing, endurance
swept away
as the dusk of todays evening threatens
to overfold.
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Yesterday, the search. Tomorrow the the vaguest promise
secure, honest
Someplace between the "scool" bus
and the innocence, and the dusk
there was found a 'wanting'...
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Yesterday. No, I didn't know love at all.
reaching, stumbling
and blindly biding time (and yesterdays)
because I didn't quite
understand...
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But yesterday, I stumbled~~~ One time too many
paralyzed, pain
You reached down
Gently. Picked me up. As you have done
so many times
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So yesterday, I realized the steps on the 'scool' bus were always too steep
frightening monstrosities
And I didn't need
my idle time. What for? Just to secure
my own lonelinesses and insecurities...
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And I didn't need the curlers, or the (gasp) fantasies
wondering, wanting
~because they were not
as true or as real as those dreams
in my heart
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Yesterday, when I stumbled and fell, and I ached
truthfully, honestly
and when you lifted me
I realized how empty all the rest was without
you there
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But even yesterday, and before that, I have loved you
deeply, persevering
the love felt today
Coloring and sustaining all the promises of all
my tomorrows...
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copyright 1981 aj
