[My] Life in Wisconsin

Late April Fools!

Between the two combined entries here, they kind of turned into one of my can o' worms entries... My apologies...

First from Tuesday, April Eighth...

Hoodwinked and Tired
300 magnify

Good Morning all;

Not much to share today, I feel almost as dull as the clouds above. And have a little song that keeps running through my mind... Anyone over 45 or so might remember it...
"Don't it make you wanna go home?"   CLICK for words.

I won't be on much today as I have a zillion things to catch up on.

Food for thought...
It is infinitely less stressful to your own being, and so much better all the way around, to tell the truth at any/all costs.
Your lies not only hurt others, but destroy your own value and worth.

...Talk about "karma", eh? What's YOUR definition?

Have a Tuesday kind of day.

XOXO
Anne

~~~~~~~~~~~~

So that was Tuesday.
I posted this yesterday...

Our Late April Fools
.
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Late April Fools magnify
And yes, I just now snapped this picture!!!
Mother Nature DOES have a sense of humor...

 

Good Afternoon all;

First of all, my apologies for being so troubled and vague yesterday. I had gotten a shot for my head on Monday and was a bit "out of it" and "in my own little coma" after that.
And sometimes I do weird things while recovering.
Like I did on Monday... Opened up a little drawer next to my bed and found a few letters from my girls. One specifically from my estranged daughter Jennifer Hope.
In it she had written of many many memories.
Hindsight now, (with obvious actions speaking louder than words), I was taken aback, and made to now believe that not a single word of that is true.
(As were some of the other letters I had found from her sister Zoe).
Coupled with the migraine, the recovery and the notes, I was more than a bit upset. More so that neither of these "raised~better~than~this" children could have even picked up a phone or sent KC a get well card.

This morning also found me a bit upset.
Kinda obvious there too as you take into consideration the above photo.
hehehe
And yet, I truly do not mind snowfalls in April because they don't last all that long. And we are looking at Spring none-the-less.
By tomorrow this should all be gone...

Not too much news, I have spent the morning still in a funk with respect to my damnable head, but getting better every minute too!

And life goes on!

Just wanted to say hello, and to send my love to all.

XOXO
Anne



 
Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 11:56am (CDT)

And the comments "can~of~worms" that followed:

 

Comments
(My own comments back to my friends are in italics)

~~~~~
huggggggggggggggggs to u anne, we all have days like these :) i come from a family of 5 girls...i'm the youngest...and i know my parents feel the same way about 3 of my sisters :| and as long as u keep the snow to urself (unfortunately, i'm sure we'll probably see more of that white stuff before too long) hugggggggggggggs n prayers for u always :D:D

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 01:15pm (EDT)

~~~~~



Sweet Gidgy!
So is it hormones, or what???
hehehe
("Phases" are long past running out of time to pass)...

My own beliefs are that the souls that people have are predestined for this, or not; depending upon how the deck was stacked when we chose our parents.
And you cannot argue with these divine plans we all have.

I shall keep this batch of white stuff all to me then.
Permission to be selfish?

Next time I shall share!

Love to you

XOXO
Anne


Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 12:32pm (CDT)

~~~~~

I don't want any of your snow, either. Just this once, don't share!

You know, there comes a time in everyone's life when they either must accept the past for what it is and move on, or keep using it to beat other people up because they think it will make things "right". I've made peace with the fact that my parents are less than perfect (aren't we all?) and they did the best they could...and they loved me and educated me and made sure I had a good start in life. What more could you ask for than a parent doing the best they can? We all have failed at things, but the important thing is to forgive and move forward with hope and love in your heart. Life is too short to hold onto the garbage from the past. I sure hope those girls understand that some day.

And tell Casey Thank You! for the letter and pics and lots of hugs from us!!

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 10:38am (PDT)

~~~~~

???

I think sometimes that people get so caught up in the lie that they can no longer see the truth. That not withstanding, I have not EVER seen where Miss Casey did a dang thing against those girls. I have a really difficult time to fathom a world in which one sister can be deathly ill and the others make no attempt to even try to pass along a little encouragement.

Then again, I can't picture a lot of other things that happen in this world too.

I think perhaps it is time to call a spade a spade and simply write them off as "lost" and move on as best you can. If they are unwilling to make contact then just let it lie. It might seem cold but it would be much less stress on you all to just let go. Say a serenity prayer and kick them to the curb mentally.

oh, and sign me up for the "some day they will see the error of their ways" bandwagon....because I truely believe that somewhere somehow, this willl all come home to haunt them. When they see the same chickens roosting in their homes they WILL understand.

Karma is a real biatch.

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 11:13am (PDT)

~~~~~


Sweet Lisa;
I know that you are right, and from your lips to Gods ears on the 'understanding' bit too.
It just always sounds like a copout when I claim that I did the best I could.
BUT I DID.
They were never subjected to various strange men in the house at any point for any reason.
They always had decent food, a good roof, heat, and all else, INCUDING my damned head and heart.
And they knew it too.
Some of the letters are upbeat and kind. Some are horribly cruel.
Funny how I had a hard time getting past the 'nice' ones...

I shall tell Casey!
And thank you too for thinking of her when she was in the hospital and so sick too!

Love to all of you too!
XOXO
Anne

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 01:23pm (CDT)

~~~~~

As a total outsider looking in.. I'd advise your estranged daughters to stay as far away from you as possible. To take something that was written.. to you.. their Mom.. just because you are having a rotten day.. and twist it.. to something horrible.. no matter what they do.. you are NEVER going to forgive them for whatever it is you think they've done. I read the trainwreck.. and, I just don't get your hatred of your daughters. But, if they were to ask me for advice.. I'd tell them to write y'all off.. but.. hopefully.. they quit reading your words to them.. a long time ago. I know if my mother EVER wrote something like this.. she'd NEVER hear from me again. EVER.

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 01:34pm (CDT)

~~~~~


"P",
It is so hard to see those words, in their own handwriting and to TRY to separate what was/is fact /fiction.
And then I wonder if they even KNOW themselves?

Casey feels as though she is the one that 'let the cat out of the bag' and all.
These two loving sisters of hers have blamed her countless times for this.
But what TTII have failed to respect is that my own intuition is NEVER wrong. And if they think I didn't have a clue (before Casey talked with me about things that were bothering her), then they have disremembered how 'right on' my intuition is.
A mental curb!
How cool. But it is a very very hard thing to do. Most of the time they ARE already there, but then things like this happen and it brings it right back.

(But I do get a chuckle KNOWING full well that every little now and then, they are sounding just like dear old Mom too)!
hehehe

Roberta has mentioned to Casey that there are plenty of drugs and alcohol involved with the both of them.

Guess that's another place for that serenity prayer don't you think?

Karma Baby, you got that right!.

Love to you!

XOXO
Me

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 01:35pm (CDT)

~~~~~



Sweet Xxxxxx;
I guess you would have to have lived it, or maybe just to have seen all of the blogs ~and the course that it has all unfolded within our lives. The 4 entries in 'trainwreck' really do not suffice.

Granted, as with all stories, you are only getting one side.
(Don't feel bad about that though, it is all I have been given too).

I do believe too that they have already written me off, so do not worry yourself overmuch about that end of it.

The words I referred to that were written were ones that used to make me happy, and the other notes they wrote were only written to try disrupt my family as it was. maybe what all teenagers go through at some point. But those too were written way past their teenage years.

Back to my blog though, it was that I simply lost the joy when I read them the other day. And those were the happy letters, (the good ones Sweetie).

As I wrote, 'actions speak louder than words' ?
And yes, it did hit me like a ton of bricks to realize that all.

But these are their own crosses to bear, not mine.
As I said before, they were raised much better than this.

Love is NOT unconditional.
This is one of the most bizarre statements that people have come up with!!!
If it were so, everyone, everywhere would get along just fine and love each other.
Guess that must have come out of the Woodstock days of the 60's.

Sometimes souls are thrown together to make us think. Really think.
And sometimes love grows and is forever.
That is the way I was raised anyway.
Even as an adopted child.
Even when I screwed up.

But had I ever written anything as hateful as some of their words, then I really don't think I would still be here, in one piece, writing this comment.

Love and respect and trust go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the others.

Or so my own parents taught me. And yes, it is something that I passed along to ALL of my children. Not just one or two.

XOXO
Anne

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 02:02pm (CDT)

~~~~~

Some days it's good to sit back and give thanks for the good times. Some days it's good to sit back and give thanks for the bad times. Either way it's good to sit back and be thankful for God's gifts of joy.

Peace,
Khoolaid

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 02:35pm (CDT)

~~~~~


Mr KhoolMan!
You are an inspiration to everyone!
I do love that thought!

XOXO
Anne

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 02:50pm (CDT)

~~~~~

This, from one of my daughters...

Okay, so it won't let me post my comments... Maybe it'll work this time...

I can't say that I know exactly how you feel, for I can't imagine the pain a parent feels when her own children turn on her, but I can try to know. I do know how they made me feel and that purely hurt. There's no other way to put it.

Never feel bad for letting things off of your chest, it needs to get off or it'll weigh you down. "Better out than in!" Remember that I'll always be there for you to offer what support that I can give you!

I love you Much Much!

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 01:57pm (PDT)

~~~~~

And a second comment from her as well:
 
Yay, it worked! And now for the first part:

I will comment on the blog, but first a few words to this person named xxxxxx,

Xxxxxx,
To speak without thinking is to shoot a gun without aiming. Both are equally dangerous and equally stupid.

You have not done all of the reading or you would know that these two have chosen to not only turn their back on myself and my mother a long time ago, but have also chosen to say nothing but lies and name-calling to and about both of us.

Maybe the question is NOT about a simple mistake and finding forgiveness after an apology. This is not the question for this is NO simple mistake; and because there is no apology, just name-calling and back-stabbing there can be no forgiveness.

Maybe you need to ask yourself how you would feel to have someone tell you that they love you and respect you; and with that same breath say that you are extremely selfish, psycho, a liar, irresponsible, untrustworthy, and so on. These things are said not only behind your back, but to your face after you have given ALL of yourself to them. Unless you are masochistic, I don't think you'd enjoy that.

(Just in case you don't know what that means, the definition of masochism: gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.)

I believe that you are just as human as we are; and with that fact, you'd be just as hurt by those names and just as disappointed by these actions if you were the target.

So please do not act as though you know everything to this. Do not pretend to know all of this situation because the more you pretend to do so, the more ignorant you look.

You are right with your first words "As a total outsider looking in". You are outside of this. This has NOT happened to you. Who the hell are YOU to judge what our reactions should or should not be when you don't even know the tip of the iceberg of the actions that have been thrown at us.

"Judge not lest ye be judged."

All I'm asking is that if you are only here to throw negative thoughts and false assumptions, you are welcome to leave.

The completely false assumptions you have made are not what is written. The two daughters in question have disrespected and verbally abused both myself and our mother. They took back every good word or letter ever spoken or written to myself or my mother. Therefore, it pains Mom to read the good words because they themselves have told her point blank that those good words were all lies. Mom in no way twisted anything. They did that all by themselves.

Another false assumption is that you think that Mom hates them. No, she does not hate them. She is hurt and disappointed by them, but does not hate them. Hatred toward them wasn't ever mentioned.

By saying these false assumptions YOU are twisting everything, Mom isn't. I'm sure you also know what it means to assume instead of stating the facts. I don't blame you for assuming: how can you state the facts when you don't know what those facts are. However, I do blame you for not having a bit of empathy in your soul for another human who has been abused.

Please don't twist that last sentence to read that we want your pity. Empathy is merely the understanding of another's situation or feelings. We don't want your pity, we just would like for you to understand the pain before speaking your opinion. We also don't want your negative comments and false assumptions. If you don't like it, DON'T READ IT!

And please discontinue the disrespect you continue to give my mother. She is and always will be my mother, my foundation, and my saving grace. Don't be surprised when I defend her. I will never falter to stick up for her because she has always stuck up for what is true and right and has showed me nothing else but respect and love.

Honestly and Sincerely,
CaseyAnne

I would love to say that I sent her a copy, but she seems to cower and has closed everything on her own page. I hope she reads this here, though.

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 01:59pm (PDT)

~~~~~


Sweet Face!

Whoa. Let me NOT misunderstand here...
...You are kinda upset, no?

You said, "Never feel bad for letting things off of your chest, it needs to get off or it'll weigh you down. "Better out than in!"

I think that is sage advice. And another reason WHY I blog in the first place.
(The feedback I get from The Punkster really isn't good enough to keep my hold on sanity some days)...
But don't tell her that.

I blog for sanity sake. (There I said it)!
Just mostly for the kids n all.

And NOW, Sweet Harley Chick of mine...as for your comments to Cherei.
I am glad you stood up for me.
And can only imagine what your damn heartrate must be when you get yourself all worked up.
Didn't the cardio guy tell you not to be raising your heartrate??
???

Stop yer dang cussing already. (It's MY blog and I will do the cussing).
OK just kidding...

I do not hate my family.
Never have and never will.
But that should go without saying too.

Am I upset about all this bs? ~I would be less than honest if I said I wasn't.

Do I brood on it? ~Some days I do, and those are usually when I choose to mention it within my blog.

But then I can always rise off that pity pot and get on with living too.
(And I could NOT do that if my conscience was aching for any reason).
My heart hurts.
I would be less than a mother if I said differently.

I have finally gotten to the trainwreck entries and have reread them for myself.
I see nothing that warrented the comment "your hatred for your daughters" -so Casey do not worry yourself about it.

Something was simply misread somehow. And people only know what I have written anyway.

Miss Xxxxxx was not around my blog when all the doo~doo hit the fan. And does not know all the problems we had; as a family, and as individuals.

I do know this much. I am not hateful.
And I do know the difference when someone p*sses on my shoes and tries to tell me it's raining too.
And I am not afraid to tell them so.

Seems as though you might have inherited a bit of leather from yer Mama...
But Sweet CaseyFace, please spend more time with the lace.
(It's much more fun what can I say)?!?!

Again, to thank you for the staunch support. There are times I do not deserve it, and times I do. Loyalty for your own soul and persona has grown inward and upward.
And THAT is a very good thing.

God Bless you. I love you so.

Foreverlonger.

XOXO
Mama D.

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 05:07pm (CDT)

~~~~~

 
Good afternoon Bart! You been stirring stuff up again? hehe

I think I can feel your hurt even through the computer screen. I think that I shall never understand sisters not caring enough about another sister to at least check on her. Regardless of how angry one might be with the other. To blame the sister for their anger at the mother is just nutty. (to say it nicely)

Now on to mothers and children. I believe that as parents we do the best that we can with what we have available.. I shall never believe that you did less.
Was it enough for them.. well .. apparently not..

I have another friend whos daughter did the same to her and it broke her heart. I know this woman did all she could for both daughters. This child blamed her mother for every bad thing that ever ever happened to her and included things that she felt mom should have done and didnt have the money to do. I know she did all she could for both daughters because I watched these girls as they grew up. I have held her hand as she has cried for the hatred and bad things that this child said to her.

There is no easy answer and there is no solution.

These girls will have to face some of what you have faced to understand. I hope they do come to realize that you did do the best you could.

The sad fact is.. they will face this with their children too. Because you know.. and I feel this with all my heart.

What goes around comes around 2 fold.

Wednesday April 9, 2008 - 06:00pm (CDT)

~~~~~


Sweet Connie~Beep!
Me? "Stir" stuff up???
Nah...
(and the verbiage you used conjurs up this HUGE cauldron for me)!
hehehe

Your kind words have made my day!
(Even though I've only been up for an hour)...

But I know you 'get' it- Where I am coming from with these two, and all that.

To refer back to CaseyFace's comment, the empathy you have shown to my barrel of monkeys life has always put me back to where I can begin to make sense of the whole ordeal.

Perhaps because you and I have had such parallel lives; perhaps because you are such a dear friend.
But mostly it's because you are such a trusted and decent person who also has the ability to remove all the sugarcoats and get down to the basics in life.

Spades = spades.
Nothing more and nothing less.

Would that we lived closer.
(I always did hate geography)...

I feel for your friend.
My one sister, Mary and I do not get along either. But I do believe we have risen above this crap too. Should either of us be so damned sick as Casey, I KNOW that the other would be there in a heartbeat.
(And that all the little pi$$y stuff wouldn't mean a thing at that point).
But then again, we had the same upbringing too.

I marvel at, (but do not understand), how these girls of mine can be raised exactly the same way and still not be alike...

And I believe it all goes back to our souls being ever so different.
Perhaps too they are fighting it with all their hearts.
And if that's the case, then they will ultimately know/see/feel what they have done... Later on. When it DOES come back to their own family.

For now, life is comfy for them, and perhaps the need for their family is not so great.
.
.
.

Aw hell, I don't know...

Love to you!

XOXO
Anne

Thursday April 10, 2008 - 04:08am (CDT)

~~~~~

 

Am I still a bit disturbed? I do think so. But not angry either.
Just more of an "unsettled" feeling for now.

And yes, the sun has come up, and life goes on!
(Magically at times)!

Love to all!

XOXO
Anne