Betrayal and Babies. A "No Yahoo" Blog!

Back to the Blog!!!
MINE!

...I promise not to even THINK about all the garbage going on in our little 360~World this morning. (Like my danged fat~foot~pain, I have grown WAY too tired of it all anyway)...

Good Morning Everyone, (well, to those of you who are still here)...

Off on a wild tangent here. Was exploring a bit, and also found a few more pictures of my own here. had to fight with my HP Scanner to get them all in, and edited too. Alls well that ends well though...

Oh, and you'd probably want to grab a cup of coffee, it's a long-ish blog...

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I am going to write today of betrayal, guile and deceit. And a few of my own experiences thereof...

de·ceive
VERB:
de·ceived , de·ceiv·ing , de·ceives

To cause to believe what is not true; mislead. Archaic To catch by guile; ensnare.

V: intr.
To practice deceit. To give a false impression.

One of Angies recent blogs dealt with her own problems with a friendship she had come to cherish. Click her name for her story.

I have recently learned of deceit by a once~close family member who has forgotten that one of the commandments is "Thou shalt not steal".
I am deciding whether to press charges against this person.
(It is none of my offspring).

...Life. Yeah, it's kinda like that...

Having a conversation with Richard the other day, he had brought up something that I hadn't thought about in years. And that Casey had never known about. Was she shocked or surprised? Not. But the fact that I was surprised when he had even recalled it has given me moments to think on it awhile.

Scenario: Married. Separated. Back together. Separated. Divorced.
All in a 4 and a half year time span.
Less than 1/10th of my entire life, it still bears importance to me; (maybe just because at the time it was 20% of my whole life).

At one point we had moved our married life and two small babies to Holland, Michigan; and then a few months later, to Zeeland Michigan.
It was at that point in Michigan that our marriage was over for me.
No car of my own, I carried the kids, to secure a UHaul... And then packed that truck while "he" was at work. I packed up an entire house, two little babies, and was bound and determined to drive that truck home to Flintville that night.
BUT... (lady luck)...
He came home early that day; and I made the mistake of saying that I was leaving, and that he was "welcome to join me."
(Hindsight being what it is, he wasn't; but he did).

When we got back here, we stayed here at Mom and Dads for a while; just until we could find a place of our own... In the meantime, one of my friends had come over, and had asked me to join her softball team.

But of course I would join!!! I was thrilled to have something, other than tending babies, to do.
Hmmm... Nope, that does NOT make me a bad mother to say that; rather it keeps me honest. (Those babies were born not even 14 months apart).

Another close friend, Cindy VerVaeren (sp), and I spent lots of time together too. She was my confidante. She was my rock. She had an apartment on the west side of town, (the place we had found was on the east side).
We shared our trials with respect to life. She was to be married to a classmate of ours, and asked me to be matron of honor. YAY!
(And once more to reiterate that I was SO happy to be back HOME)!

I played softball... fast pitch, slow pitch, and every other kind. (And I was damn good at it too)! hehehe My "wonderful" husband actually was thrown out of the ballpark at Bay Beach for cursing each and every decision the umps made. Banned from all my games too. I was embarassed that he was there acting like that, and further embarassed at that decision too.

It was during that time that I had met Richard.

Having taken a season off because I was pregnant with Roberta, I still had many friends from my teams. One of the teams I played for was The Surf Club. A quaint, but rather large old "mom~and~pop" type club; owned by Johnnie Johnson and his wife.
One month after Roberta was born I filed for divorce. After going to the shelter, I then moved with my three babies to my parents home; until the idiot was court~ordered to vacate our apartment.
Weeks/months (whatever) later, I was joining some friends at The Surf Club. While they drank or played darts, or shot pool, I was playing at the pinball machine. The door to the club was directly behind me by about 3 feet, if that...

I remember that I had an excellent game going, and had been given TONS of extra games already. My points just kept adding up... (I was sure getting my quarters worth)! hehehe
All of a sudden, to find myself down on the floor, and thrown into the wall at my side.
Hurt.
And there were many people yelling.
Scared, but to turn a bit, and open my eyes after the impact with the wall, I saw my (still then) husband standing there and cursing.
He was over 6' tall, and "Little Mark" as we called him, was 'telling him off'. Mark was maybe all of 5'7" tall. I remember Johnny Johnson yelling too, and telling my idiot husband to "get out and stay out"...
(No one could have stopped it, or barely even seen him come in. It all happened so fast).

Rick had recalled this event the other day... We had been talking about how things had changed during the course of ones lifetime.
He was there that night, and had seen it happen too; but shooting at one of the pool tables at the other end of the place, he had not gotten there fast enough either. (The idiot had already been forcibly removed from the club).

I called Cindy to come and get me. There was no way I was going back to Mom and Dads and have to share this with them. (At that point still, I was still too embarassed to tell them about everything)... And I spent that night at Cindys, along with many more, (in "hiding" if you will, in her security~locked building).
Like I said, she was my rock...

She got married, and I was her matron of honor. Not too very long after that, she came to my townhouse and declared that divorce was wrong. She told me if I went through with the divorce that all of my kids would be stupid juvenile deliquents and wind up in jail. (Things to that nature)... And she told me that a divorced woman alone was useless etc etc etc. And that she didn't care to be friends with me.

I couldn't believe the contempt that came from her. Only a few weeks before having watched her be married, having signed her marriage license.

Asking her to repeat it all, and doubly asking her if this is what she truly believed, I told her, in no uncertain terms, to leave my house, and my life. She did.

I was shattered completely; for I had always honored my friends too. And for the first time in my life, (save for the brutal marriage I'd had), I knew what betrayal felt like. It burnt all the way through... And it cut deep.

Fast forward a few years to our 10 year class reunion. Her husband had come to me asking to 'bury the hatchet'. (Over my dead body).
She'd simply pulled up anchor and had left me.
I didn't want any part of that. Not again. "Fool me once" was enough.
I do remember at that reunion having a glass of lambusco in my hand, and I also remember toying with the idea of tossing it at her cream colored dress. But I didn't. (I think I regret that to this day). Oh well.

The things that have changed during our lifetimes here. Rick is older than I by 10 years. He grew up to do his tours with the Marine Corp in Vietnam. He said when he was a kid that the husbands that beat their wives were scorned a bit, but everyone had a tendency to look the other way. Then came the stick up for a few wives mentality... And then the wives began to stick up for themselves too.

Yet, with respect to domestic violence, the role the police had was only to separate the husbands and the wives; if only to tell them to go cool off for an hour or so!

I swear that with respect to what I went through, my own ex might still be in jail if the laws we have now could somehow be made retroactive.

Now if only we could make our children understand.

Have a great Tuesday.

Love to all.

XOXO
Anne

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Mother Alone/Woman Alone...

Good Morning Everyone!

Yes, my hand is still the size of a small pineapple... And yes, I went and bought some benedryl; taking it for the first time in my life. (And going "nightie~night" very shortly thereafter too)!

Now if any of you know what I am trying to say here, or how maybe to say it better; PLEASE leave me a comment. This blog really does NOT only pertain to mothers; but to anyone else that might have seemingly not been given a wee bit of credit for WHO they really are... inside...

Very recently one of my children said to me that she believes me NOT to be the person I portray myself to be within my pages here... And that has gotten me to thinking.

I have "thought" myself only to one obvious, and simple, conclusion.

She is wrong as "wrong" can be.

She is a woman in every sense of the word. Bright. Capable. Strong. (Just as I raised her to be). Entering her 4th decade of life as it is.

And yet, she has only given me credit for being a mother. Perhaps it is only because she is my child? And I am thinking that there are too MANY children in this world that, unfortunately have only/will only see their mother as a mother.

I assure you this is not the case.

Our mothers, and YOURS, were women first. Born daughters of someone else who gave birth to them. When your mother was young, she never believed that her mama ever would "do" such a thing to create new life. And if she did, it was once, (and only once), to bring forth life. Mmmm~Hmmmm

"When I was a child I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child..."

And yet, your own mother grew to know all the love, the glory, the resounding successes (and the heartbreaking failures) that came to her even before you did. She knew freedom. She knew life. She loved all animals. (She hates spiders).

She had/has many many friends that have shared almost every experience she has ever known.

Then came her children.

"...When I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways" (1 Cor. 13:11).

Since I recently have entered my own fourth decade of being a mother, I can assure you that once that heartstring has been pulled that nothing else will ever be that important to me. And so with that very first delivery, I put aside most of those dreams I may have had. I did this freely and without any coercion, (save for those tiny fingers that clasped my own).

And those tiny fingers quickly grew to a woman.

You have accused me now of being less than honest.

As I have said you are quite wrong.

You have known me only to be a mother. (More specifically YOUR mother).

There was a different 'life' before you came along.

And there is a different life now that you have gone on...

This is the 'woman' I always was, and always will be. I promise you that my friends, and even my elders, will all attest to this; almost as well as my own heart can. For they knew me then, and they know me now.

These are the people that have given me the strengths, (or even the escapes) that I needed many times.

The people who knew, (and know, and respect, and love), the woman inside my skin. The people for whom the song was written, whether they were friend, lover, employer, or employee.

And yes, they have seen me 'become' my own mother in so very many ways; as you yourself will "become" one day.

I am always to be your mother. Good. Bad. And yes, every degree conceivable inbetween.

I have never lied to you. And I have not chosen this moment in time to begin to do so.

I am the same person, the same spirit, with the very same soul, that I always was.

I am determined.

I am strong. With credit due my own many experiences in life, and my own understanding of human nature, that simply makes me stronger than you. But just because I am stronger does not mean that I want to be so, it is simply the way it is.

And this is not only to be applied with respect to my lifetime, or my mothers; it is for all time.

Mother? Yes.

Invincible? Hardly.

Woman? Always.

"Yeah, it's kinda like that"

XOXO
Anne

for more on Anna's Family, click here...

*****of course if you were already on my friends list when I wrote that blog, you might NOT want to revisit it. .... hehehe

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Counters

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She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes.
And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies.
And she only reveals what she wants you to see.
She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me.

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She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you.
She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you.
And she'll take what you'll give her as long as it's free.
Yeah, she steals like a thief, but she's always a woman to me.

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Oooh, she takes care of herself.
She can wait if she wants, she's ahead of her time.
Oooooh, and she never gives out, and she never gives in,
she just changes her mind.

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And she'll promise you more than the Garden of Eden.
And she'll carelesly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding.
But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be.
Blame it all on yourself, cause she's always a woman to me.

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Oooh, she takes care of herself.
She can wait if she wants, she's ahead of her time.
Oooooh, and she never gives out, and she never gives in,
she just changes her mind.

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She is frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel.
But she can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool.
And she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree.
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you,
but she's always a woman to me.

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Billy Joel

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Discovered... (And Foiled Again)!

It's not new- I only needed to clarify a few 'colors' is all...

(Better grab a cup of coffee kids, it's a  l-o-n-g one)!  

But I just need everyones 'take' on it, if you don't mind... (and if you have the time)...

Added:  I am already overwhelmed by the outpouring of support here, and it's not even 3 in the pm yet!  I know I can never thank you all enough for all of your kind words...  You all make me feel so good!

 

Good Morning EVERYBODY!!!!   

 

Such a busy day yesterday, trying to get ahead of the very cold weather that is heading our way. (It is 23 degrees as I write).  I even decorated the old crabapple tree! (And I must have moved the camera a bit when I snapped the above picture)! Thought the photo was pretty cool anyway! Stringing lights outside when it is 50+ degrees, even if it was a bit damp, was a treat this year! I have a little timer on them too- But it never did go on at dusk as it said it would.   I jiggled the darned thing, and viola, 'LIGHTS'!   (And they even turned off when they were supposed to)!   Yay!

Yesterday was to be my last day of even trying to work outside comfortably.   So all the possible dog poo piles were removed to the fields where they will certainly fertilize the wheat crop for next year... (How come every single time I do this task, the dogs follow up with 2 more piles to be carried away)???

Procrastinating up until this point, I still needed to crawl down in the water pit by the well and take the hose down for winter.

The well is out in the pumphouse. OK, that was a stupid point~ (Where the heck else would it be)????

The pump and the pressure tank for the well are underground in a tidy little concrete area. This 'area' is approximately 7-8 feet deep, and about 5 or 6 feet square. The sides of which are concrete, and that concretre extends up above the floor level in the old milkhouse...

This is NOT a job that is classified in MY book as "womens work" (But since I looked everywhere for a man, and found none,  I thought I had better do this job, nasty as it is, and just get it over and done with).     I do not particularly care to be crawling on down there- and most especially when there is no one to even hold the light for me,  (or just even to be witness to this potentially suicidal task).

And SO, being the cowardly, (yet halfway clever person) that I am, I simply chose NOT to crawl down in that pit to get it ready for winter... Looking around, I'd found an old rake that might reach to move a few things around while I leaned over the side...

...It was actually working for me!

(Now, feeling more than a bit smug at that point, I momentarily neglected to respect the forces of gravity)...

A rather big  mistake for me... 

No, I didn't 'fall in'    ...But I did drop the darned rake!     Yup, I still had to crawl down there on a warped and rickety ladder... It is a good thing I am halfway strong too, as I came back up, the top rung of that ladder was too far gone to be putting any weight on and I had to pull myself up and over the wall then...  (Blame it on the alprazolam, Xanax,  people... remember)?

And I 'fed' all of my little animals (rodents) out there too- A few Ropax bars in the shed, the old garage and in the the calf pen too- And I use the Ropax especially for the more warfarin (D-con) resistant rodents...

(The little buggars are stealing Miss Millys dog food)! How dare they!!! But now the varmints can 'steal' a bite or two of this!   hehehe

And now, on to my title effort here...

My sincerest apologies to those 'good' men that might be reading this blog... (And I do honestly try not to lump you all together)!   But, you are forewarned-  Given my experience here, (and my own current blood pressure), I am thinking this just might be one of those "men without brains" entries... (just kidding about the B/P; I checked it and it was 96/52)...

Mr. Connecticut; You once asked me why I am not "taken" ?    That said, I would cherish any insight you might provide on the following...

As many of you might know, I have a link to my personal dating site here on my front page.  When someone contacts me through my profile on there, I always send them a link to my blog here.   Easier that way to eliminate those who might think my dating profile is a bunch of HOO~HAA,   (and yes to also eliminate those that neither can read, write, or comprehend)...

And so yesterday, I received a missive from a person about 90 miles away... (notice right away that the word "man" is not used)...

His words to me?  Well, here are just a few ot them...

******************** the first note then...

Anna,

I read your entire profile, and I must say, it was intriguing. I like the 'up front' thing right off. ...(blah blah blah)...

I have a full time job here, (&) am a retired police officer... (More blah blah blah).

I have been cheated on so much, I don't know what to expect anymore from women, but I am not giving up. I can't categorize every woman with the cheating one I was with. (Blah blah blah... and a few more trivialities to end of note).

*******************

I replied to it, asking that he visit this little blog of mine to kind of get a handle on what he may/may not be getting himself into...

(hehehe)

********************

And he wrote this back last night:

Well, after pouring over your blog for hours, I came to the conclusion that you scare me to death and back again.

I don't need the threat of a shotgun going off, or the idea of me being arrested by your deputy friend, so I am just going to stay put here.

To be honest with you, I'd be afraid to eat a meal at your house or even talk to you because I may say or do something that would set you off, and there we'd be.

Are you sure you haven't had a movie/book based on your life called "Cybil?"

Goodness me, you come on so strong, you'd scare anyone.

I couldn't tell who was writing what you wrote, you or someone else in your close knit family and friends. I know you (claim) wrote every word, but it sounds like it is coming from several different personalities.

I can take a lot, but Anne, you are over board with your demeanor. I know it means nothing to you what I say, but Hon, if you come on this strong, it'll be a long time before you can share your life with someone of the make persuasion. I think I'll just pass on any more communication. Thanks for being so open.

It does help make up a mans mind quickly.
There will be no need to answer me here, ok?

****************

Now, I think you ALL know me well enough to know that I am a dog and cannot leave it like that-   And so I comprised a note of my own...

his replies, (after threatening me with hiring an attorney???) are included in italicized red...

My original reply is in the brown font...  And this is the way it came back to me--- (Guess he couldn't comprise a note of his own)...

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Sir?

You are correct, your note probably doesn't deserve a reply-

And yet I feel I would somehow be remiss if I didn't offer one...

I am very happy that the first 23,170 people that have read my daily life/times blog didn't think like you do. (And yes, I am very proud of those page views and numbers)- Especially considering and given the fact that I can type out a few words each day and maybe humor people, or perhaps even make them feel a little better about their own seemingly impossible situations. (Some have impossible situations, some do not, but we are all of a respectful nature). These are my "FRIENDS", not just morons who cannot read or comprehend my written words...    That's because they don't know the real you

Now... If you had truly spent hours 'poring' over my own entries, I think you would have (during that time) realized that most of it is written "tongue in cheek" anyway-    Well, you hid that very well I tell you that!

I am lighthearted, (and bighearted), and I am very proud of those attributes too.     Yeah right. I can tell the way you answered me.

As are my friends and family; and ALL those that KNOW me too...

They have stood beside me when my youngest daughter has had no less than 6 surgeries in the past 12 months-

They have gathered together to offer prayers, support and love through the death of my step~daughter in September.

(And sometimes they even miss me when I do not write)...

Believe me when I tell you that I have been accused of many things in my life- But I can assure you that scaring a man "to death and back" is not one of them! That's a new one on me! Get use to it!

But I DO thank you for giving me the inspiration for tomorrows blog. You don't mind if I use your words and see what my 'readers' think of your opinion, do you?  And so I shall-    (Not sure, but I think this is where that attorney must come in)...

You are correct on another point as well... I can be brutally honest, and I believe that that aspect is also brought to light and life in my own profile on my date site- good for you

So then why even contact me to begin with?

Knowing full well that I am not some mealy~mouthed, stupid, dependent, clingy, dumb broad? Your thoughts, not mine.
?????

Sorry, but I am looking for a REAL man that comes complete with a sense of compassion and humor; that has enough honesty to match me humor to humor...

...(and back again)!
...because without that, we would all have to be 'bored' then.

...I think this entire note you wrote is humerous. You aren't humorous at all. Maybe in your own mind you are

You are out and out dangerous.

Good luck to you, Sir.

Anne~

(NOT 'hon' to you)...

You are so far from "hon" it is pathetic. Besides, I didn't mean it as a term of endearment. Far from it.

You must really think you're something huh? (Keep thinking that, someday it might come true)... 'Geez', (NOT his original word),  put that on there once and see how many responses you get.   Had I known you'd flip out like this, I surely would not have contacted you. Just proves you aren't the person you say you are in your profile.

Don't bother writing back, I have blocked you from any more emails.

**********************

"Oh. My. Freakin'  NO!"

My true colors have been tried and found waiting... And I hate it when they can figure me out, and even diagnose me so danged fast!   (I just HATE when that happens)...

And now YOU all know too, exactly what type of person I really am...   ;-)

Gee Folks, was it something I said???...

...Good!!!

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe !!!!!!!!!er...

Have a good one!

XOXO,
Anne

Oops... Sorry Hon, I meant to sign:  "CYBIL"...

 

...I should also add:  "I WROTE THIS"... 

...(well, one of us did anyway)!!!  hehehehehe

****Sally Field ROCKS! ****

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