I am going to post this as quite a private entry for now.
Kristin has had her hands, arms, and her life, full- of dealing with Gabriel.
If you will read below, he has been doing (mostly) all of these things; to a very large extent.
They have been to a few social workers, and now child-psychologists.
Initially diagnosed with O.D.D.; Gabriel now has been dx'ed with R.A.D..
I had never heard of either of those issues before Kristin had told me a few months back. (Please do the clicks on the acronyms above).
Now, with this 'new' diagnosis, I am feeling like perhaps I should have 'stayed the course' and just kept fighting with Roberta over keeping him.
But she would not listen to anything.
- He was "HER" boy.
- But he was only a possession to her, and not her son, ya know?
AND, remember also that I had a very, very, very, sick Casey to care for also.
At this point she is only very, very, sick.
OK j/k.
She really is quite ill.
Kind of like me. But hey, my doctors were wrong about the "cupla months". hehehe
I didn't go to Minnesota with Casey when they went 2 weeks ago. There was just no way I would have made the trip.
Greg took her as her friend Courtney backed out on her at the last minute.
Thank God for Greg!
What is Attachment Disorder
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
"Attachment" is defined as the affectional tie between two people. It begins with the bond between the infant and mother. This bond becomes internally representative of how the child will form relationships with the world.
Bowlby stated "the initial relationship between self and others serves as blueprints for all future relationships." (Bowlby 1975)
So that initial relationship would be something lacking in myself too; as I was not 'attached' to anyone until I was adopted.
Then, I got mom, whose arms (and heart) were always full of Mary.
Bu thank God I had my Dad!
"Attachment Disorder" is defined as the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships.
They often show nearly a complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others.
They typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust.
They do not allow people to be in control of them due to this trust issue.
This damage is done by being abused or physically or emotionally separated from one primary caregiver during the first 3 years of life.
- And who would that be for Gabriel? Me? Roberta? Casey?
"If a child is not attached- does not form a loving bond with the mother- he does not develop an attachment to the rest of mankind.
The unattached child literally does not have a stake in humanity" (Magid & McKelvey 1988)
They do not think and feel like a normal person.
"At the core of the unattached is a deep-seated rage, far beyond normal anger. This rage is suppressed in their psyche. Now we all have some degree of rage, but the rage of psychopaths is that born of unfulfilled needs as infants.
Incomprehensible pain is forever locked In their souls, because of the abandonment they felt as infants." (Magid & McKelvey 1988)
"There is an inability to love or feel guilty.
There is no conscience.
Their inability to enter into any relationship makes treatment or even education impossible." (Bowlby 1955)
- Some infamous people with Attachment Disorder that did not get help *in time: Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Edgar Allan Poe, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Ted Bundy. How utterly UGLY!
- One famous person with Attachment Disorder who did get help in time (in 1887!) and became one of greatest humanitarians is Helen Keller.
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Attachment Disorder Symptoms
• Superficially engaging & charming
• Lack of eye contact on parents terms
• Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
• Not affectionate on Parents’ terms (not cuddly)
• Destructive to self, others and material things (accident prone)
• Cruelty to animals
• Lying about the obvious (crazy lying)
• Stealing
• No impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive)
• Learning Lags
• Lack of cause and effect thinking
• Lack of conscience
• Abnormal eating patterns
• Poor peer relationships
• Preoccupation with fire
• Preoccupation with blood & gore
• Persistent nonsense questions & chatter
• Inappropriately demanding & clingy
• Abnormal speech patterns
• Triangulation of adults
• False allegations of abuse
• Presumptive entitlement issues
• Parents appear hostile and angry
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Causes
Any of the following conditions occurring to a child during the first 36 months of life puts them at risk:
• Unwanted pregnancy Yes. He and Sam.
• Pre-birth exposure to trauma, drugs or alcohol I honestly do not know
• Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) ???
• Neglect (not answering the baby’s cries for help) I do not know
• Separation from primary caregiver (i.e. Illness or death of mother or severe illness or hospitalization of the baby, or adoption YES.
• On-going pain such as colic, hernia or many ear infections Not really.
• Changing day cares or using providers who don’t do bonding YES.
• Moms with chronic depression Among others, Roberta is manic-depressive
• Several moves or placements (foster care, failed adoptions) YES.
• Caring for baby on a timed schedule or other self-centered parenting YES, but it was on HER schedule, never on his.
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As you can guess that is a highly important factor here.
Casey and I will be going over there tomorrow- (well, today I guess), as I have presents for them that must get dropped off yet.
Damn- Time for me to try to sleep-
I just dropped my caffeine all over the rug and have been scrubbing the damned thing for a while.
So while it dries i shall rest.... I hope
And double damn too. I told Casey i would be there for 10.
UGH
Nighty night.
PLEASE let me know what you think?
I do SO very much need your input.
XOXO
Me
