THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, Internet Style
A festive holiday poem
'Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing.
Geeks? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by
the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas
soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled
all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java
danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa
and me with a snack,
We just settled down
at my rig (it's a Mac).
When out in the Web
there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site
to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac
flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle.
It started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought
and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways
and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering
eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page
that wasn't quite clear.
When the image resolved,
so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment
it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes,
more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen,
my Mac called them by name;
"Now Compaq! Now Acer!",
my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!"
Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits!
And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up!
Make this thing hip!"
The screen gave a flicker,
he was into my RAM,
Then into my room
rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red,
from his head to his shoes,
Which were black
(the white socks he really should lose).
He pulled out some discs
he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude
who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled!
His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa
that I used to know!
With a wink of his eye
and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know
I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word,
gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive
with only a stroke.
He defragged my hard drive,
and added a SIMM,
Then threw in some cool games,
just on a whim!
He worked without noise,
his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures
with Kai's Power Goo!
He updated Office,
Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver
with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit,
my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest
version of Netscape.
The drive gave a whirl,
as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled,
the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger
on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing
but ones and zeros!
He flew back into my screen
and through my uplink,
Back into the net
with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice
as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all,
and to all a good byte!"
when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing.
Geeks? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by
the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas
soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled
all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java
danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa
and me with a snack,
We just settled down
at my rig (it's a Mac).
When out in the Web
there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site
to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac
flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle.
It started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought
and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways
and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering
eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page
that wasn't quite clear.
When the image resolved,
so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment
it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes,
more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen,
my Mac called them by name;
"Now Compaq! Now Acer!",
my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!"
Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits!
And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up!
Make this thing hip!"
The screen gave a flicker,
he was into my RAM,
Then into my room
rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red,
from his head to his shoes,
Which were black
(the white socks he really should lose).
He pulled out some discs
he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude
who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled!
His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa
that I used to know!
With a wink of his eye
and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know
I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word,
gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive
with only a stroke.
He defragged my hard drive,
and added a SIMM,
Then threw in some cool games,
just on a whim!
He worked without noise,
his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures
with Kai's Power Goo!
He updated Office,
Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver
with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit,
my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest
version of Netscape.
The drive gave a whirl,
as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled,
the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger
on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing
but ones and zeros!
He flew back into my screen
and through my uplink,
Back into the net
with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice
as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all,
and to all a good byte!"
Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose
Oops!!! I would give credit where credit is due- - -
But I have forgotten where I got this from!
XOXO
Me
ReplyDeleteTime for my salad!
Love to all
XOXO,
Me
Another one for you!
ReplyDeleteI would like to share an experience with you all about drinking and
driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends
and had a few too many beers and some rather nice claret. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.
I arrived home safely and without incident,
which was a real surprise,
as I have never driven a bus before
and am not sure where I got this one.
hehehe
OK. One more...
ReplyDeleteSpeaker Boehner: "During the holiday season, it's important to think of those less fortunate, and then cut their benefits." Andy Borowitz
OMG LMBO so much you were funny there Merry Christmas Anna
ReplyDeletelmao you crack me up!!! Merry Christmas my dear friend!!!!
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxoxoox
Anne you must be feeling better...because you are frisky in the funnies for the holiday...Merry Christmas to you and all.
ReplyDeleteA warm and Jouous Christmas to you and all your loved ones. (And, seeing it's Christmas, to your unloved ones too!)
ReplyDeleteAnd a Happy and Blessed New Year to you and yours!
lol
ReplyDeletePerhaps from...
ReplyDeleteHugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose
hahahahaha
XOXOXOOX
Pea.
How cute, I'm going to borrow this for my Multiply and Facebook pages. I hope you and Casey are doing well, hugs to you both and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you both. Love from me to you!
ReplyDelete