[My] Life in Wisconsin

Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts

One Ticket. Wrong purse. No Valium.


ZZZZZZTPH!   Static! Picture and quote from here:  CLICK
"That static discharge was really no big deal to you or the door knob but WHOA it was a big deal to the small bacteria on that door knob!"


Thus far I have zapped the dog, the daughter, and myself- Countless times!
Happily I have also killed millions of bacteria doing so!
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Good Morning Everyone;
My two little charges are asleep... once more. (Casey brought Punk out about an hour ago, and they both came in more than a bit chilled).
Not sure what the temp is- (I miss my indoor/outdoor thermometer).  I just know it is cold enough.

Back to our westbound trip- the on again off again bad roads, and a few near misses with respect to the ice on the roads.

This is Hudson, WI- It is just before you cross over into Minnesota.

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Hudson, WI

If I remember correctly it was 23° at that point. The roads were clearly frozen over.
Traffic heading west was slowed to a crawl; the oncoming lights traveling a bit faster as those lanes had been salted.
We saw 3 salt trucks/road plows heading east. (With not a trace of salt on our lanes).

Storms like this, and at the sundown part of the day, can bring a few photo ops...

This taken off I-94 as the sun breaks through the cloud cover...

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Sun, thru Snowstorm 

Casey took this picture.  And I would have enjoyed it more if my hands would not have been gripping the wheel so hard. hehehe
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Again, we are here, and that is what counts!

Casey has been a godsend caring for Punk and taking her out for me.
She also loves Punks toys...
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Casey with Punks toy 

And teases the poor dog mercilessly.

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She also brushes Punk and plays with her...

But one should never brush a dog in jogging attire...
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Brooklyn Broccoli
One seems to grow hair on their chest by doing so!
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Not to mention what it does to the legs!
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Hairy legs 
Methinks a razor is called for?! 
hehehe
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Da Punk and Da Kid

Perpetually shedding or not, there is always love.
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Smooch!
 Sealed with a smooch!
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...and a hug!!
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KC and Punk 
(I was playing around with the edit feature at Picnik.com)
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Casey had her presurgical appointment yesterday. All went well for her.
(Unfortunately the same cannot be said for me).

As we waited for the nurses and such, I was treated to a royal attack of anxiety. Fighting with this for a while, I finally told Casey to call me, that I was going back to the hotel. It was that unrelenting and terrible.

I would pick her up when she was done.

After commandeering a seat in the ladies room for what seemed like an eternity, I hailed George... (George is the man with the electric golf cart that speeds happily on his way to collect those of us who prefer not to be walking a mile or two each way).
Ok. It's not a mile or two. It just feels like it.

Having gotten all the way back to the car, I felt a bit better. Punk had stayed behind at the hotel, due to the freezing weather; and I was not going to let her freeze to death while she waited patiently for us to return to the car.

I started the car and gave it a moment to warm up...
It was at that point that I remembered handing the parking ramp ticket to Casey when we'd pulled in.

*sigh*

Now I had a choice of paying $30.00 for not having a ticket, or going all the way back to the Transplant Clinic to retrieve said ticket.
I chose neither.
Instead choosing to do a few relaxation therapies while I waited in the car.
Don't think for one minute that I will again forget to take my diazepam (Valium), before heading out of here tomorrow. That was most awful...

We have to be at the hospital by 5:30 tomorrow morning. Happy that Greg will be here by then to get her there in case the anxiety becomes another real issue for me at that point.

Her surgery is scheduled to begin at 7:30. It will take approximately 11 or 12 hours.

Special thanks for everyone that is keeping Casey in your thoughts and prayers. Your love, and these actions, mean the world to us all.

As we wait...

Love to all

XOXO
Me

I Lived Through It...



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A little bit of fog...
...over the marsh by I-43






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Good Morning All;
I have been having a few problems tonight with my danged computersaurus.   
Bear with me here... At least my email has been working.

I had my MRI Friday morning...
I woke about 1AM after about 3 hours (+/-) of sleep. I decided to stay up, so there would be a good possibility that I might sleep
a bit (or rest?)  during my stay in that noisy MRI machine.
Casey had spent the night on Thursday; admittedly so I could wake her up to bring me.
I had planned on taking a diazepam before I went in (no driving with that).

7:30 found us at St. Marys.
It was not as bad as I had been led to believe.
Not that I had a good time... The worst of it was having to lie on a hard plastic bed, ON MY BACK. 
Not good. Deep breathing helped. (Lamaze by any other name)... hehehe

It did take over an hour and a half, but that passed by quickly enough.  I do not have the results of course, but every little 'thing' brings me closer to relief.
Next up? Tuesday I receive those shots in my back.

I had NO anxiety attack either. 
It has been brought to my attention that panic/anxiety attacks all follow one order of events. ie, hyperventilating. That if a patient is not hyperventilating, he/she does not have anxiety disorder.
Such is not the case. And could not be further from the truth.
If you missed my link this morning to ANXIETY, please click here.
(Conversely, not all hyperventilation is a sign of anxiety either).

Physical symptoms of anxiety

Anxiety is more than just a feeling. As a product of the body’s fight-or-flight response, anxiety involves a wide range of physical symptoms. Because of the numerous physical symptoms, anxiety sufferers often mistake their disorder for a medical illness. They may visit many doctors and make numerous trips to the hospital before their anxiety disorder is discovered.

Common physical symptoms of anxiety include:

  • Pounding heart
  • Sweating
  • Stomach upset or dizziness
  • Frequent urination or diarrhea
  • Shortness of breath
  • Tremors and twitches
  • Muscle tension
  • Headaches
  • Fatigue
  • Insomnia

Hyperventilation is not even on the list.
Shortness of breath is. "SOB" is defined as follows... "Dyspnea, or shortness of breath (SOB) is a debilitating symptom that is the experience of unpleasant or uncomfortable respiratory sensations.
It is a common symptom of numerous medical disorders, particularly those involving the cardiovascular and respiratory systems; dyspnea on exertion is the most common presenting complaint for people with respiratory impairment.

So much for higher intelligence/ignorance.

The new drug that I am taking FOR pain, honestly IS a royal pain, with its side effects. (I swear it not only gives me A.D.D., but renders my fingers very uncooperative with my keyboard).
Knowing how bad my back hurt before I took it too, I will put up and shut up (for now).  Am hoping those shots may enable me to be off of everything then?

Speaking of my keyboard... (Was too).
One of the little height adjusters broke off yesterday. To simply adjust the other side did not work, as it still tipped and rattled with each keystroke. So I "fixed" it right. I just broke the right side to match the left. (Whatever works, right)? hehehe
 

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Cnv1115 
Another shot of the fog.
Over Duck Creek.
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Casey has been coming out almost every day- And doing for me little things that are hard for me.

She came out Thursday, bringing a new bone for Miss Punk...
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Cnv1111 
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Punk has not had a new bone in a while, and was appropriately grateful.
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Cnv1112
"ARF!"
Which we ALL know means, "Thank You Casey!"
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As I was mowing lawn... "Bravo Me!"  ~I did it all in one afternoon! Though I might have had one little accident; (driving right into a dang apple tree).

In a split second, either to keep me humble, (or maybe just to add insult to injury); the tree dropped a
nice hard Macintosh apple on my head!
So much for my pride...

But that sassy tree did break the light cover panel off, from the front of the Cub Cadet.
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Cnv1113 
Casey fixed it for me!

"ARF?" (or better, "Thank You Casey!")!!!
hehehe

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Punk is always outside when I mow the lawns.  She always lays in the garage... Recently though she has decided that it is much more comfy inside the car.
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Cnv1110
hehehe
...Or maybe she just wants to go for a ride?!
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Casey and I sorted out a few things from the garage... She found a few really decent pairs of pants that we had gotten on one of our shopping trips to resale stores around town.

Unloading a few bags, she also found a new Sponge~Bob for Miss Punk...
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Cnv1108 
Punk with her concerned look...
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But finding those pants was perfect timing for Casey's 1st day of school too!

I giggled as she'd packed up her car...
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Cnv1106 
Yes, she is all ready!
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And who would have thought this, even a year ago, given what she was dealing with being so sick?

When I think of all the stuff she had taken for so long, it amazes me that she still is here!
Things that for me would have knocked anyone over in a heartbeat.  the body is amazing though, and even though she took a lot of prescriptions, her body dealt with it well.
She is almost off everything- Another amazing feat.
That is not to say that she does not have pain.
She is a real trooper.
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Truman
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The White House on Friday dismissed as pointless the furor over President Barack Obama's plan to deliver a televised back-to-school speech to the nation's students.

"I think we've reached a little bit of the silly season when the president of the United States can't tell kids in school to study hard and stay in school," presidential spokesman Robert Gibbs told reporters. "I think both political parties agree that the dropout rate is something that threatens our long-term economic success."

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Why?  So that they can spew more lies? More fear for the uninformed who drag behind them, nodding like little puppets?

But I say go ahead anyway. Like Pa used to say, "Those of you who think you know everything must be very annoying to those who do..." hehehe
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enlightened
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???????CHRONIC. jpg
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I believe I told you all that I had made some Italian Spaghetti the other day.


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Cnv1052 
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Casey didn't want linguine or spaghetti in it, and chose the rigatoni instead.

She was hysterical at the picture on the box...
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Cnv1078 
Now who puts such a little dab of sauce on their pasta?
Not us, that's for sure.
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I'd better close for this morning- Have much to do today. Since the diazepam has surely worn off by now, I need to get to the store and get food etc for our Labor Day Picnic on Monday.
If you live near enough please come!

Have a "wunnaful" weekend!

XOXO
Me

PS
I'd better contend to my computersaurus too.

Am thinking this guy has the right idea, don't you agree?

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logoff funny
Stolen from an email..
hehehe
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Anxiety & Panic Attacks Symptoms


http://www.npadnews.com/anxiety-symptoms.asp

Good Morning,
I must begin with a few words to someone who believes they know everything.
A SPECIAL NOTE TO OFFENSIVE PERSON...
know that your words have cut deep.

Although I realize the following options might not fit with your ego, please try them anyway.
Either let me know when you become a "doctor"
OR
after you have walked that proverbial mile in my shoes.

XOXO
Me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From the above link now...

It is not important to try and understand the physiology of the human body but it IS important to remember that each of the anxiety symptoms you experience can be explained.
Do not dwell on what you are feeling, instead, project yourself into more useful subjects, do something constructive, exercise, learn a skill or craft and escape the body trap.

The following list of anxiety symptoms includes the most common ones reported by actual anxiety sufferers. Whilst the list is fairly comprehensive, there may be symptoms that you experience that are not listed; this does not mean that you are more ill or suffering from something else, we are all biologically different in many ways and some people simply react differently during anxiety.


Anxiety Symptoms

* Smothering sensations and Shortness of breath
* Racing heart, slow heart beat, palpitations
* Chest Pain
* Lump in throat & Difficulty swallowing
* Skin losing color (blanching)
* Sweating
* Shaking or shivering (Visibly or internally)
* Neck & shoulder pain & numbness in face or head
* Rapid gastric emptying
* Indigestion, heartburn, constipation and diarrhea
* Symptoms of urinary tract infection
* Skin rashes
* Weakness in arms & tingling in the hands or feet
* Electric shock feeling anywhere in the body
* Dry mouth
* Insomnia
* Nightmares
* Fears of going mad or losing control
* Increased depression & suicidal feelings
* Aggression
* Symptoms like 'flu'
* Distorted vision
* Disturbed hearing
* Hormone problems
* Headaches & feelings of having a tight band around head
* Sore eyes
* Agoraphobia
* Hallucinations
* Creeping or pins and needles sensations in the skin
* Increased sensitivity to light, sound, touch, and smell
* Hyperactivity
* Dramatic increase in sexual feelings
* Pain in the face or jaw that resembles a toothache
* Derealization and depersonalization



Smothering sensations and Shortness of breath

These sensations are amongst the more distressing anxiety symptoms. Sometimes it feels as if your chest will not expand to accommodate the air your body needs, other times it feels as if someone is pushing a pillow into your face. The one thing to remember should you experience this is that it is only a sensation caused by exaggerated nerve impulses. These symptoms will not and cannot harm you; you will not stop breathing, pass out or suffocate.


Racing heart, slow heart beat, palpitations
Anxiety releases adrenaline into the blood stream making the heart race and feel as if it is missing beats, (palpitations). This is perfectly natural and will not and cannot harm you in any way. Later I will discuss methods you can use to help stop these feelings. A slow heart beat is also a common feature of anxiety, again it does not mean that your heart will stop beating, it may feel odd and alarming but again do not give it any credibility and it will go away.


Chest Pain
Caused by muscle tension, chest pains can make you feel very scared. The initial reaction of anyone with anxiety who gets pains in their chest is that they are dying of a heart attack. This is not true. Heart pain is very different to this pain and very often does not start in the chest. Deep breathing and relaxation exercises are a very effective way of diminishing these unpleasant symptoms. If you can get somebody to massage your upper back, shoulders and chest, it will help to relax tired and achy muscles.


Lump in throat & Difficulty swallowing
Globus Hystericus is the correct term for this symptom. It is caused by the muscles in the throat contracting due to anxiety or stress. Sometimes it feels like you cannot swallow anything and trying to makes it worse. This is another example of a symptom, which will improve if you give it no credibility. It is totally harmless and will not cause you to stop breathing, eating or drinking, it is just very unpleasant.


Skin losing color (blanching)
As blood is diverted to the muscles during the 'fight or flight' response, the fine blood vessels in your skin that gives the skin that pink, healthy color receive reduced blood flow and the skin loses some of its colour. It is not dangerous and will return to normal as the body starts to normalize after an attack. Some people with generalized anxiety can look a little pale most of the time, again this is quite normal and will return to normal.


Sweating
Sweating is a normal bodily reaction and is designed to reduce the body temperature. As the body heats up sweat is released onto it through sweat glands. As the sweat evaporates it takes heat with it, cooling the body. During periods of anxiety the body is preparing itself for either flight or fight and releases sweat to cool the impending exertions. As the anxiety subsides sweat levels return to normal.


Shaking or shivering (Visibly or internally)
We all shake or shiver when we are nervous or cold. Shaking is a normal reaction to fear and/or a drop in body temperature. Shaking occurs when the muscles spasmodically contract creating friction between muscles and other body tissues. This friction creates heat which raises body temperature. During anxiety it is quite normal to experience shaking or shivering. It will pass.


Neck & shoulder pain & numbness in face or head
The blood vessels and nerves, which supply the face and head, originate in the neck and shoulders. Many of these nerves and blood vessels are routed across the head to the face. When the body is under stress these areas of the body are usually the first to become tense. Facial numbness can be very disturbing but is usually nothing to worry about and is usually the result of this tension.


Rapid gastric emptying
This can be a very unpleasant side effect of both anxiety and tranquillizer use. This condition causes the sufferer to feel full very early on in a meal, sometimes making them feel as if they cannot breathe. Then soon after eating they can experience diarrhea and feel as if their whole digestive system is emptying very quickly indeed.


Indigestion, heartburn, constipation and diarrhea
During periods of anxiety the body diverts blood from various parts of the body to the muscle tissues in order to supply them with the oxygen needed by them during the flight or fight response. One of the main areas where blood is used most is around the digestive tract. Blood is sent there to absorb nutrients from the food we eat. As blood is diverted away from the stomach during anxiety, the digestion slows and the muscles around the stomach can become knotted. This can cause indigestion, heartburn and diarrhea or constipation.


Sexual Dysfunction
Impotency, or failure to achieve or maintain an erection, effects many men for many reasons, sometimes there is a physical reason for this but more often than not there is a psychological element.


Symptoms of urinary tract infection
Medication can have many and some times quite obscure side effects including the symptoms of a urinary tract infections. It is always advisable to get these things checked out by your doctor but even if you do have an infection it can be easily treated. Drinking plenty of water is always advisable to maintain good, general health but even more so when the body is under stress.


Skin rashes
Skin rashes, spots or dryness are all very common symptoms of anxiety and stress. It is quite common to get an eczema like rash around the nose, cheeks and forehead. They are nothing to worry about and usually disappear when you start to feel better.


Weakness in arms & tingling in the hands or feet
The flight or fight response is an intense reaction and causes many systems of the body to react. Circulation, blood oxygen and blood carbon dioxide levels change and muscle tension is altered in preparation for action. All of these bodily changes have a profound effect on bodily sensations, feeling week in the extremities, (arms, hands, legs or feet) is one of these sensations.

Tingling is usually caused by the pooling of blood carbon dioxide in the limbs, shaking the hands, arms, legs and feet can help increase circulation to these areas. These symptoms are not harmful and will return to normal. Light exercise is very helpful in reversing these sensations. THEY DO NOT MEAN YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A STROKE OR ANY OTHER NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION!


Electric shock feeling anywhere in the body
The nervous system is a very complex network of electrically charged nerves which are found in every square centimeter of your body, around every organ, muscle and across your skin, the largest organ in the body. Abnormal nerve impulses due to anxiety can cause a vast array of strange sensations; although quite harmless these can be very disturbing.


Dry mouth
As fluids are diverted for use in other parts of the body during anxiety, the mouth becomes dry. Sip water or suck sweets to lubricate your mouth. In extreme cases your doctor can prescribe a liquid to do this but it is expensive. It cannot harm you and will go away after the anxiety subsides.
Insomnia

One of the more distressing effects of anxiety, insomnia is the inability to fall asleep or to remain asleep. It is important to regain regular sleep patterns as lack of sleep can lead to disturbing symptoms. Follow this link to The Linden Method cure for insomnia


Nightmares
Dreams and nightmares tend to mimic what is going on in our daily lives. If we are relaxed and contented we have pleasant dreams and usually do not remember them. If we are disturbed or confused our dreams are more likely to be too. Nightmares are unpleasant but harmless, the more you master good sleep and practice breathing and relaxation exercises the better your dreams will become.


Fears of going mad or losing control
We all have a fear of going mad or losing control but rest assured you are not going mad. Going mad is not a conscious act; those who are suffering from severe mental illness are unaware of their journey into it. You are not going mad. Confused nervous messages to the brain along tired nerves in a tired body do not constitute madness.

Thoughts are an unconscious product of brain activity. If you are anxious, angry, sad or stressed your thoughts are affected, not only by mood, but also by your physical body chemistry. Blood oxygen levels can affect brain activity and the central nervous system, as can many other bodily chemicals like adrenaline, hormones and even vitamins. These un-pleasant thoughts, emotions and totally irrational fears are not harmful to yourself or others. Any thoughts of harming yourself or other people are perceived only. As you body becomes more relaxed and less anxious your thought processes will return to normal.


Increased depression & suicidal feelings
Depression is a word that is commonly misused to describe a variety of conditions. I hear many people in every day life who say, "I am depressed, I feel terrible, I am so fed up". This is, in most cases, not depression. Depression is a series of chemical imbalances that create a clinical illness that has strong links with anxiety disorders and can be a side effect of them. Anxiety has many features of depression and can mimic it quite strongly. When someone goes to the doctor complaining of feeling run down and fed up, it is all too easy to write a prescription for Prozac, Seroxat or another anti-depressant. I wonder how many people are on anti-depressants who just needed to reassess and restructure their lives.


Aggression
When you feel tired, ill, fed up and held back by your condition you are bound to feel angry. One of the main causes of true anger is actually sadness. Think back to a situation that has made you feel anger, if you dissect that event you might find that the true reason for feeling so angry was a feeling of sadness. Aggression is a normal reaction to fear also, the fight or flight response prepares us to either run or fight, sometimes to fight may seem to be the best response.


Symptoms like 'flu'
Influenza causes the body to release anti-bodies into the blood stream to attack the virus. This combination of anti-bodies and infection makes the body feel weak, sweaty and painful. Anxiety can have a similar effect, weakening the muscles, making you clammy and achy. Believe it or not the more you do physically the better this will become.


Distorted vision
In order to prepare the body for impending danger, adrenaline release causes many physical changes. During the anxiety response the body prepares the eyes to notice any slight movements; it does this by dilating the pupils allowing more light to enter. This is why anxious people become more sensitive to bright light and often wear sunglasses to minimize the eyestrain it causes.


Disturbed hearing
This is called tinnitus and is usually experienced as whistling or screeching noises in either or both ears.


Hormone problems
Anxiety can affect various systems of the body, one of which is the endocrine system. This system is responsible for balancing the glands, which secrete hormones in the body. Although these glands secrete the hormones needed by the body, they do not control the levels of these chemicals, this is done by the brain. Disturbed messages in the brain and nervous system can cause slight irregularities in the secretion of these chemicals.

When anxiety levels return to normal so will the hormone levels. There are few examples where these hormones cause serious problems and if they do your doctor can correct them.

Women may find that their menstrual cycle is temporarily effected and men may find that they have mood swings whilst testosterone levels are affected.


Headaches & feelings of having a tight band around head
As discussed earlier, tension in the neck and shoulders can cause immense discomfort, migraine and numbness. The feeling of having a tight band around your head is caused by muscular tension in the sheath of muscles covering the skull. Restricted blood vessels and nerves within this tissue can cause very severe symptoms including pain in the eyes, face and teeth.


Sore eyes
Reduced lubrication in the eyes when body fluids are diverted elsewhere during anxiety causes the eyes to feel sore, dry and painful.


Agoraphobia
Agoraphobia is a natural response to anxiety and self-preservation. If we feel threatened we tend to retreat to somewhere safe, like a tortoise into its shell. In anxiety it is important to gain control of this response as soon as you feel it developing. Avoidance of situations is not an effective tool in the fight against agoraphobia.


Hallucinations
Mostly experienced by people in withdrawal, hallucinations can be very frightening indeed if you do not understand what they are and where they come from. Hallucinations are another example of transient symptoms. If you are in withdrawal they will pass, if you are not in withdrawal consult your doctor, as they may be a side effect of the drugs that you have been prescribed.


Creeping or pins and needles sensations in the skin
The nerve endings in your skin are alive with electrical impulses, these can feel like creeping sensations, pins and needles or tickling, they are the result of confused nerve impulses and cannot harm you.


Increased sensitivity to light, sound, touch, and smell
All of these sensitivities are to prepare your senses to see, smell, hear and feel more when in impending danger during the fight or flight response. All of these feeling are unusual but not dangerous, they are temporary and will return to normal as your anxiety levels reduce.


Hyperactivity
Hyperactivity is a way of describing a range of symptoms that cause you to feel as if you need to talk faster and do things faster. It can make you feel confused and irrational and can make you do things that you would not usually do. This is a common feature of anxiety and drug withdrawal and will pass in time.


Dramatic increase in sexual feelings
As the brain copes with disturbed and confused messages from all around the body, some of the mind's thought processes can become a little distorted or exaggerated. Sexual thoughts and emotions are typically very strong even when in good health, they are what drive the attraction mechanism when we meet people we find attractive and create the sexual feelings we feel for some people.


Pain in the face or jaw that resembles a toothache
The term 'face ache' comes from this feature of anxiety. Most of this symptom is caused by tension, not only in the face, neck and shoulders, which can refer pain to the jaw and teeth, but also in the jaw itself.


Derealization and Depersonalization
These are both symptoms, which affect the way you experience yourself. Derealization is the sensation that you and everything around you is not real or dreamy, as if you are seeing everything through a fog or some kind of filter. It has been noticed that people experience both depersonalization and derealization during panic. It seems that some people dissociate first which then causes panic and derealization.

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Fortunately for me I actually have a very few of those symptoms. (Fortunately for those around me too),

The information above is to offset any mis/disinformation you may have.
And, it will fit in with my upcoming blog...

XOXO,
Me



Picture from here: http://www.truthism.com/
Also from that site...

"All truth passes through three stages.
First, it is ridiculed.
Second, it is violently opposed.
Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."
—Arthur Schopenhauer (German philosopher, 1788-1860)



PRIVATE- July the dang 2nd...

Hi All;
Am looking for a few answers (and probably a hug or three)...

My back is as bad as it gets.

I am living with a 31 year old who most days looks at me like she is angry with me (still)? . And I made up my mind long ago, not to broach the Trainwreck issue with either of my oldest; so it's not going to happen- Either they come to fix what they began 2 and a half years ago, or they don't. (Kinda simple that way.

Oh Jenne does laugh too- thought I'd better qualify that so you do not misinterpret what follows.
And I do know how depressed she is, barely able to contain herself a lot of the time.
Aaron swears he has changed, and has bought an airline ticket to fly in on the 6th to Milwaukee. He told her that she would be going home with him and that he would be driving.
Of course she wants to be with her husband. That's the way it should be anyway.
Is it healthy? Absolutely not.

Have I said anything that could be misconstrued as advice? Ditto. She has not asked, and I have not offered.

She is at a counseling session right now- She said she needs to be hospitalized, but will wait and see what they advise.

Some damn mother I am.
Some damn birthday.

I can't even bend to get stuff off the floor, nor can I lug out the fricking vacuum. I can't stand my house.
Oh wait, I can't stand.
(Barely anyway).

And I saw an effing flea yesterday! How gross is that?
I can't fumigate with Isaiah anywhere near. He has that disease.
And it's probably not recommended for Jenne and a high risk pregnancy either.

Granted I only saw one-
But isn't that a lot like seeing one mouse? Only worse?


My effing tub doesn't drain, and most days I cannot bail the water out- Those days Jenne just doesn't get in the shower.

And I want to kick her in the ass for being so discompassionate to my back and my inability right now.

I barely get the wash done- Difficult to even get the wash out of the washer and into the dryer, but now she will do a load, and leave it and not say anything.
God I love having to redo wash. Not.

I am so much in pain that nothing is easy. But I make dinner, even though I have told her to get something out of the freezer in the mornings... Made some tater tot casserole last night, and it took me 3 times of having to sit and then go back to it.

Pissed and in pain is no way to go through life.

Casey comes out and helps where she can. But she is sick too. And how unfair to even expect that when she can barely keep up at her place.

She (KC) finally called a realtor yesterday to find out about the availability of duplexes on the reservation- God knows I am not selling my home just to get my st00pid effing back fixed.
And they are taking way too much time in Washington to get that medical bill passed.

I just want to cry... But won't start with that either.
One kid on the pity pot 24/7 is more than enough for me.

And Punk only hides when she cries. (Jenne that is)... Poor little pup.

What have I done?

...And how do I fooking fix it?

Thank you for any ideas you might have...

XOXO
Anne


PS
Then this morning, as I thought to do a blog, this comes on my page on Yahoo.
Guess you all have enough brain to figure out what is going on from the note...
(Oh, their daughter Cassie had a kidney transplant 2 weeks ago, and is battling with rejection issues at University of Wisconsin, Madison)

This is the note I wrote to Casey and Krisitn, (Master Gabriels Foster Mom)...


To: Kristin; Casey Gmail
Subject: Gabriels Mom- CONFLICT of INTEREST?

Something stinky Dearest Kristin,
But first of all to say I hope that Miss Cassie is doing well, and 'maybe' even home by now?  Please give her (and yourself) a hug from me. Prayers always as you already know...

Oh and to let you know that I don't reply to your text msgs because they cost me for each one- Please do not feel offended by my "Scrooginess"...

Now the bad news...
I received 3 notifications on my page about Berta
This is her current address to the best of my knowledge.


(Above address is actually in the town of Wrightstown ).
Kind of a pricey home too from what I found online...

She apparently lives with a Susan Brickham, 52, (divorced from Bruce LaCombe in 1998),
Bruce has a record at the state that includes a child abuse restraining order, but I cannot get those case details.
He was brought to court by a Mary Cornell on those charges.

ANYWAY, ALL of Bertas charges pending with the state have been freakin' dismissed!
What in the hell is that all about???
('Scuse the cussing please, I am very angry). Know that if it was you or I, we would be serving time by now.

ALL of Roberta's fines are also mysteriously paid in full.

I also believe since there seems to be no court officials listed on this database that there could be a definite conflict of interest since this Susan Brickham works for the county!
She is a clerk in data control for HS!!!!

Here is what I found...

Brown County employees.




Name Last    BRICKHAM
Name First    SUSAN
Job Title    CLERK IV / DATA CONTROL
Total Earnings    $33,195.32
Department    HS-FINANCIAL SERVICES
Year    2008

Hope that posts for you...

Please let me know what you think...

Love to all!
(And maybe an extra "Grandma Kiss" for Master Gabriel)!?

XOXO
Me

I don't know if contacting Rachel would be a good/bad thing- Hard (difficult if not impossible) for a newer worker to be investigating someone who has been around for a time...
I wish I knew exactly what to do- Am hoping that maybe you or your hubby would know...

Her reply...
To: "'ANNE; Anna-Anna;'" <onthefarm@prodigy.net>
Date: Thursday, July 2, 2009, 9:01 AM

">Well here  is our  thinking ,

  First  off it  does  seem  a little  suspicious  BUT  she  has not  contacted BCHS & done any of her court orderd conditions in the Chips( are  those  erased  also?) 
So not sure if any of this has a bearing on the TPR? 

I talked to Gabe’s GAL on Tuesday & he  doesn’t expect her to show up in court (just  like last  time).

I  would assume if she was working to reunify he would know (depends how much faith you have in system)
We  have  been  given the gift  of  loving Gabe so far for 10 months and will  continue to  carry on   as long as   is  necessary 

She  has been told   what  she  needs to do  &  so that  part  confuses me  as far as if this  friend is  so   system savvy  why  is  she not  advising  her  to   fight .

Maybe she has given up?

She still has a 30 day window after decision    to contest   . 

Because  my  mind  obsesses  with all the possibilities I  try  to  focus on the facts  &  not the  unknown (I never  pick the right scenario anyway )

 Let me know

thanks Kristin

Lumpy Me. (An Obvious Lesson in Humility)...

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Only in Wisconsin does one see this on a city boulevard.
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Good Morning All;
I am still catching up, and have come to the conclusion that that will never work. hehehe
Not caught up on here, and certainly not within my own home.
I have not given up though.

We had rain for 3 days this week, receiving 2/3rds of our May rainfall in two days!
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528 Rainfall
Suamico did very good with respect to those of us that still have our own wells.
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Even with the rainy days we have been quite busy.

First to take Punk to see Dr. Spires...
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527 Punks Temp
Since she had been running a fever on Tuesday
so he took her temp.
It was fine Wednesday. . .
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She was due for her shots etc in June anyway, we decided to get everything over and done with at this visit.
She still must remember that stick in her eye- (CLICK if you don't know the story). She does fine getting weighed in, but when it is time to go into the exam room she would rather just leave...
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They drew blood to check for anything weird.
(Like Casey's, Punks veins 'roll' too).

And had to check her lungs, respiration and heart rate...
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527 Dr. Spires listens
All was well. . .
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I wanted to have him recheck her anal glands while we were there.

She is not too big on this, (but she sure as heck tolerates it much better than I would).

She keeps a very close eye on him afterward...
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527 Punk Mad
Methinks Punks face and tail tell the whole story...

"boof"?!?
Which we translate to mean "I been VIOLATED!"
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Casey and I had not eaten lunch yet.
(Yes, I am aware I have gone from anal glands to food in one fell swoop). hehehe

Those of you that have been around the longest, know three things about me.
  • due to my anxiety attacks that I do not do well with spontaneity.
  • I was on a dart league for many many years, but that I haven't shot since my right hand lost its usefulness.
  • since I no longer shoot darts or tend bar, that I have no reason to enter a tavern.

I rectified all of that on Wednesday, to a small, (brave), degree anyway...

We brought Miss Punk home from the vets. Then drove down the road to Wouters Front. It is a tavern and a restaurant. (Used to be a little store there too).

Not wanting to press my luck, or Casey's, we ordered our food "to go".

I dug out my old darts while we waited for our food to be ready.
When I shot league darts I was quite good if I do say so myself. As was the rest of my team.
(
Us four gals won the title championship for 14 or 15 years straight)! "YAY" us!

Casey put a few quarters in the machine getting the 301 Game set up while I checked the flights and such on my darts.
She didn't care to use mine, opting for the lighter 'bar darts' instead. (That's fine by me, I never did 'share' my darts too well).

She threw an impressive round of about 80- She hasn't shot a dart for a long time either; (for me it's been about 6 years).
Please remember that in these 6 years my right hand has failed something awful. (I used to write letters all the time; and as for typing my favorite key is "backspace").


  • I threw my first dart.
It shot straight to the floor. !

OK, so I haven't shot for 6 years, and now that I know how it "feels" once more, the next two darts will be perfect.


  • I threw my 2nd dart.
It joined the first dart on the floor. ! ?

WTH? I've got many witnesses to the fact that years ago when I used to drink I never threw 2 darts in a row that far off target...

I might have heard a bit of a snicker from my youngest child at that point too. Followed very closely with, "What happened, Mom?"
I looked at my inept hand, and said, "it doesn't work"

BUT I still had one dart left!


  • I threw the 3rd dart.
It joined its partners right on the floor. ?!?

I was immediately (and quite firmly) convinced that Gary Wouters must have installed some kind of force~ field that instantly drew all of my precious darts onto the floor.

I further believe that even with my 'beginners luck' at 22 years of age that I have never left 301 on the board after the 1st round!
That is exactly what I did on Wednesday.
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527 Darts at Wouters Casey
Casey, with her near~perfect form!

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527 Darts Wouters Front
Lumpy me. No form. No grace.
I decided to throw underhand after the 2nd round.

(Heya Gritter, Jill has NO competition from me doing this either)
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Yes, the "Itty Bitty Kid" kicked my butt. (It still hurts).


I think Miss Punks butt still hurts too.
Because for some reason, she need to soak it for a while yesterday.
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528 Punk Mud Bath 2
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So how has YOUR week been?
I've decided to crawl back under my rock.

Love to all.

XOXO
Me



Posted to my Y! 360 Friday May 29, 2009 - 11:42am (CDT)

Another Saturday Night...,

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This is what I woke up to Saturday morning.
WAY too early for these temps...
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Good Morning, (in a very literal sense);
Did the title bring back a song to your mind?

I had to run to town today. Dog food, (and a few groceries for me too). When I take my Xanax to go anywhere, it always leaves me so completely exhausted when I get back home. I came home, ate a bite, and slept for 3 hours. Probably needed it though, as I'd woken up about midnight last... and stayed up.
Here it is, middle of the night once more, and I am wide~eyed and bushy~tailed.

Speaking of tails... (Let's go with "white" tails). This is the first weekend of (gun) deer hunting in Wisconsin. I am under strict orders to make some venison sloppy joes, some roasts, and some steaks.
(Yeah, but first I need to see the darned venison)!
hehehe
Gee; how come Randy didn't see the humor in that?

And so, the dogs are fit to be tied. There will be no trips to the woods, and very little running around outside for the next ten days. Safer that way.
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Cnv0961 by you.
Some 300+ pounds of pooches here.
And they think I can just reach over them and open that door?
And yes, there IS a pecking order. (Me first).

hehehe

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Because they have learned that I cannot run in three directions at once; I have learned now that one, (and only one), of them goes out at a time.
(So there).

Casey had an appointment on Wednesday afternoon to discuss her transplant procedure with her doctor at the clinic. This went extraordinarily well. And finally to have one doctor in town up to speed about this all. He has spoken at length with Dr. Sutherland in Minnesota. Kinda nice to talk to a doctor that is at least briefed on the surgery. As you know, we have dealt with some highly ignorant doctors.
Not all their fault either because the standard rule of thumb (anywhere); is to treat the pancreatic pain, in the hopes that each attack will be the last.
We all know it hasn't happened that way for Casey, and that her attacks just keep steamrolling on her- Closer between attacks, and more painful each time.
Her
Fentanyl 50 µg/h do seem to do a nice job keeping her pain down to a more manageable level; though she still must take the vicoden for her breakthrough pain.
Onward to December 18th

She came out to the house after her appointment. Punk wanting to ride back home with her.
Mr Miller stayed in my little truck with me.
Miller didn't pay any attention, (not knowing where Punk had gone to). But check out Punk as Casey was following me down 54.
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Cnv0966 by you.
Mirror shot
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When I'd fallen asleep earlier, I had not yet let Miss Milly back inside for the night. She was even a bit upset with me for that...

...She wanted her dinner and a bit of "liquified" water.

Well, OOPS.
She is much happier now.

Time for me to close, and maybe steal a few more Zzz's.
Have a 'wunnaful' Sunday!

XOXO
Anne



Originally posted to my Y! 360, Sunday November 23, 2008 - 12:41am (CST)

Fear

Good Evening All;
1st of all, please do not share  this with Casey. She has enough on her plate as it is.

This next month of waiting to go to Mpls is going to kill me.

I know that I make it seem almost like no big deal; this whole thing about Casey's transplant. In reality, I assure you that could not be further from the truth.

I cry. (Been having a real hard time today with that).
Not even sure if it is because of everything that could go wrong; or if I am so relieved that maybe something will go right.

I am so freakin' afraid for her.
This is not a magical transplant.
It can bring with it years more of surgeries to correct other things. Her spleen may have to be taken out down the road.
The AIT could fail, and she would then need an ICT transplant (which is using a cadaver islet cells).
And yes, she knows all of this; and wants to go through with it.

I quit that pancreas group already-
So (too) many stories of continued pain and everything else too.
But if I wouldn't have joined, I wouldn't have found Dr. Sutherland.

Therein, (selfishly) lies my greatest fear.

All of her other referrals and recommendations have come from herself, or her doctors, or the hospital. Her personal, and God Given, strength has brought it all together, no matter where these referrals come from.

Still. if anything goes wrong, I have no one to blame but myself.
What an godawful feeling that is. And I am not even sure if it is selfishness or fear. Maybe a little of both?

So bear with me. I still am having one hell of a time trying to concentrate on your own blogs.
What the heck is that all about anyway??? Must be old age.
Know that I try.

For now I am going to go put my feet up-
Too much playing with the dogs, and I am ever so tired-
So is Punk (tired)... She lays at my feet, bless her furry soul.

My love to all.
:-)
Well, as long as you don't tell me that God only gives you what you can handle. (I truly disagree with that sentiment).
Forgive me if that angers you.

Have a good weekend.

XOXO
Anne

Halloween and Sunshine!

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I will post more Halloween pictures in my private album later...

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Good November Afternoon!
Chilly today; compared to yesterdays more mild temps in the 60's.
And I tried to make the very most of it.
I did get Kelli's lawn cut, (after literally HOURS of waiting for my anxiety levels to go down sufficiently enough just to get some gas for the Cub Cadet).
What nasty things these are...
Almost suffocating; and most assuredly stifling...
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So; by the time I could go, I felt compelled to get dressed for the day too.
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Cnv0747 by you.
And down the road I went on that little rider mower.
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Happy to say that no one drove in the ditch;
although their horns honked very well.
hehehe.
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When I got to Kelli's,
the first thing that greets me is this guy...

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Cnv0723 by you.
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Black cats are simply awesome!
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I thought the horses might be afraid of my costume...

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May and Breeze by you.
But neigh, they were not afraid,
only nosy...

hehehe
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They watched for a while, up by the gate to see if maybe I would throw some extra treats their way. That didn't happen, so they mosied on back to graze some more.
(I won't mention that their leaving directly and immediately coincided with my belting out the final na~nahs of "Me and Bobby McGee").
♫... na na nah, na na na nah; na na na na na na nah... ♫
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Oh well!
And time to head home; ~~for the year!

I still have lawn to cut here, but at 48 degrees and breezy, it will keep for a while.
I hate being cold. And no, I will not cut lawn all bundled up.

On 2nd thought, maybe I will do just that... (Gotta get my sunshine)!
Besides, it won't keep 'til we get back from Caseys appointment at the University of Minnesota.

Love to all.
Have a 'wunnaful' ~and sunshiney~ weekend!

XOXO
Anne


 
Originally posted to my Y! 360, Saturday November 1, 2008 - 11:59am (CDT)

Me, Lately


Me, Lately magnify
I am sure that most that live north of "THE LINE" have seen this sign during/after a snowfall.

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In addition to the above, the sign was also flashing this warning.

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Good Morning ALL;

The roads were mighty bad yesterday morning... Plowed (maybe), unsalted, and so one needs to take their time. But this makes no difference to many people. (Unfortunately then, I have to be on the road with these dipsh!ts too).

As always there are any number of vehicles in the ditches on highway 41 - 141. But traffic was moving along, until I was about 2 and a half miles from my exit. Then all came to a stop.

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As far as I could see were stopped/slowed cars...
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Thinking fast enough to get off at this exit, (and having been going slow/fast enough to make the required lane change), I did manage to get to my appointment on time.

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As I was on the ramp, I chanced to see the 'remains' of an earlier accident.

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See ~middle, right, median...
I want to know who goes so fast in a snowstorm as to overturn their car?
Yup, read: "dipsh!t"

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Having been in such a funk lately and finally calling the clinic to see my doctor, I have come to the conclusion that I am glad I am not a doctor.
As many of you know, I am hypothyroid, I have many migraines, and with the PTSD comes this godawful anxiety disorder. I also have a touch of arthritis. In addition I have developed a few hayfever type allergies over the past 10 or so years.
Blah. Blah. Blah.

And no, this is not a complain blog. Just a 'keep you informed' one.

I have been taking thyroid supplementation since shortly after Casey was born. I began with Synthroid, tried others, (even tried nothing for a few years); and most recently have been taking Armour Thyroid.
As it's name implies, Synthroid is synthetic.
Armour is a dessicated thyroid hormone replacement that is extracted from pig thyroid. (Kinda ucky to think about, but is the ONLY 'natural' thyroid replacement on the market). It does not leave me feeling as 'speedy' as the synthetic ones either.

For all of these things above I take meds daily, or as needed.
**Armour Thyroid 90mg

**Paroxetine (aka Paxil) for anxiety/panic 40 mg Side effects are weight gain, and brain fog...

**Migraines meds as needed, to include, (but not limited to), Maxalt, Fiorinal w/ Codeine.
(I prefer the fiornal because the maxalt makes me feel SO hyper).

**Vicoden for my back as needed when the arthritis flares up. (And this winter has NOT been nice to that either).
On a personal note, I refuse to take any of the arthritis medications like Vioxx and Celebrex for this.
The simple pain pills were good enough for my mom and many others; and too many people have died taking those newfangled pills.
"Better to know the devil" as they say...

**Alprazolam -Xanax- for if/when I have to go anywhere, or if/when I have anxiety attacks at home.

~~~Back to my "funk".

**I have been thinking "Why am I so freakin' depressed all the time?"

And have been forcing myself to do things for a long time.
Getting to the woods, playing with the dogs has been something of late, that I 'make' myself do.
And yes, it is partly because of how completely long and depressing this winter has been.
Yet I felt this way even before winter set in...
Even before I broke my stupid foot.

**I have been having a definite problem forcing myself to sleep though. hehehe

**I have also gained a few pounds.
Gratefully, I am tall enough to afford to do this (a bit); but unless I was expecting, I have never had a problem with my weight before.
Note: I have also had a complete hysterectomy, and had my gallbladder removed ~gallbladder disease~ when I was 26.
With BOTH of these surgeries I was told to expect to gain anywhere between 10 and 25 pounds. (It didn't happen).

So off I go to the doctor yesterday. He orders a CBC, a chem panel, and a thyroid panel.
He also put me on Topamax, 25mg pills to be taken twice daily, (to increase to 50 mg twice daily in two weeks).
I have tried this drug before, and saw no change with my headache frequency or intensities.
Hmmm ~I guess I will be trying it again.

After what Casey went through last week, (<--click) I did run a check on any potential drug interactions.
The worst is the paroxetine and the maxalt. (The rest don't really get mixed). No wonder I feel like I drank a couple POTS of expresso when I take the maxalt... So hopefully the topamax will eliminate the need for the maxalt and it won't be a problem.

I got home from my appointment, let the dogs out, and took a LONG nap on the couch... (and no, I didn't even have to try, just kind of tipped over and slept)...

...Back to what I had thought was some kind of depression...

~When I brought this up, the doctor sort of smiled and said he guessed not. Said it is probably my thyroid doing nasty things again.
WHY THE HECK DIDN'T THAT EVEN CROSS MY MIND???
I am not that much of a pessimist for cryin' out loud...
The Paxil (also an antidepressant), makes me a slug; so if there is anything 'off with my thyroid, it will exacerbate that all. ~And I didn't even think of this???

With that first Topamax I took yesterday with my lunch, (and that nice 'nap' that followed), I missed my only "Valentine" call; and of course I also missed the doctor calling to talk about my thyroid test. He said he will call back today. I'd better get off the line. (Besides, I do have to get out and shovel).

So please bear with me.
Give this all time to work, and maybe I shall be a bit "NORMALLER" soon.
hehehe

Love to ALL! I hope you all have a "normal" Friday!!!

XOXO
Anne

Friday February 15, 2008 - 08:14am (CST)