Good Evening All;
1st of all, please do not share this with Casey. She has enough on her plate as it is.
This next month of waiting to go to Mpls is going to kill me.
I know that I make it seem almost like no big deal; this whole thing about Casey's transplant. In reality, I assure you that could not be further from the truth.
I cry. (Been having a real hard time today with that).
Not even sure if it is because of everything that could go wrong; or if I am so relieved that maybe something will go right.
I am so freakin' afraid for her.
This is not a magical transplant.
It can bring with it years more of surgeries to correct other things. Her spleen may have to be taken out down the road.
The AIT could fail, and she would then need an ICT transplant (which is using a cadaver islet cells).
And yes, she knows all of this; and wants to go through with it.
I quit that pancreas group already-
So (too) many stories of continued pain and everything else too.
But if I wouldn't have joined, I wouldn't have found Dr. Sutherland.
Therein, (selfishly) lies my greatest fear.
All of her other referrals and recommendations have come from herself, or her doctors, or the hospital. Her personal, and God Given, strength has brought it all together, no matter where these referrals come from.
Still. if anything goes wrong, I have no one to blame but myself.
What an godawful feeling that is. And I am not even sure if it is selfishness or fear. Maybe a little of both?
So bear with me. I still am having one hell of a time trying to concentrate on your own blogs.
What the heck is that all about anyway??? Must be old age.
Know that I try.
For now I am going to go put my feet up-
Too much playing with the dogs, and I am ever so tired-
So is Punk (tired)... She lays at my feet, bless her furry soul.
My love to all.
:-)
Well, as long as you don't tell me that God only gives you what you can handle. (I truly disagree with that sentiment).
Forgive me if that angers you.
Have a good weekend.
XOXO
Anne
Anna~Anna
"Flintville Annie"
© 2006-2015
*HUGS* Dearest Anne I know how hard this is for you...and I know that this isn't easy or a magical cure all....but and that's a big BUT we can pray and prayers are such a powerful source of healing. I'll be lighting candles and saying Novena's for your beautiful Casey....and for you...I'm praying for peace of mind and heart or her loving. kind, caring mother....if you need anything Anne....please let me know....I'm always nearby....*HUGS*
ReplyDeleteHi MonkeyMomma...
ReplyDeleteI think you are just now starting to 'deal' with everything that is going on. I mean I know you've been dealing but you have been going, going, going. It is just now starting to hit you... You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to yell. You are allowed to be mad... You are allowed to be scared...
Of all the doctors Casey has seen, this guy seems to offer the most hope of them all. Isn't that what we have all been hoping and praying for?
Know that if you need anything, please ask. I have a shoulder for you to cry on and an ear ready to listen...
Sending you warm *hugs* and all my love,
Slurkie
i know that you know that none of this is your fault.. but i'll say it anyway... it isn't.
ReplyDeleteYou always have been and will continue to be a great advocate and loving mom to your kids. My only wish is that you take it a little easier on yourself right now. Rest, and let it be ok if you take a day off from blogs or whatever. People understand this is a tough time.
i love you Annie..
k
Hun, Even if all goes south with this surgery, you gave her something NO ONE else did. you gave her hope for a chance. For the first time in a long time, I hear HOPE in her voice. She has that. She wants this so she can have a life and you have given her a chance at BOTH.
ReplyDeleteIf all does go south and this doesn't go well, you gave her a time of peace, happiness, and hope..... would you begrudge your child that? I doubt it. I think that you would do almost anything for even a moment of happiness for your kids.
Love you.
Splat
Well Rock.. seems like your needing a few pebbles to prop you up a bit.. hehe Well, that is what we are for!
ReplyDeleteI look at it more from the perspective .. what kind of a life is she living now? If she does nothing and continues just letting the pain rule her life Then what is the quality of life that she will have to look forward to.
Sometimes in our lives .. we have to jump off into the fire out of that proverbial frying pan.. Its a risk we take.. Its a risk we must take in order to fulfil a destiny we would not have otherwise.
Sarah Palin I think said it well.. She said.. she does not ask God to give her anything but instead to show her .. the open doors that are available.
I think from Casey's perspective.. this is one of those open doors. She has to try because to do otherwise would seem to condemn her to a life of no Hope ...
She can not do that.. and you would not want that for her.
She realizes the risks involved.. But for her.. the Risks far outweigh the outlook of doing nothing.
As mothers ..what we do is worry about our children... There is nothing any of us can say to make you not worry so much.. I can not imagine your fear.. I dont believe any of us would be able to calm your nerves..
But .. we can pull up a chair .. have a cup of coffee with you and Give you great big hugs to help prop up those shoulders that seem to be so very heavy right now.
All my love to you ..
Beep and that other redneck fellow(steeltrap brain and all)
beepluvsrock.com
I am sorry Anne, I am speechless. Thankfully those who came by before me said most everything there is to say...and so very well, too!
ReplyDeleteLove to YOU, and big hugs too : )
Annie, don't blame yourself if this surgery doesn't go well or results in more surgeries. From what I'm reading it's been Casey's decision to go forward with this because she just can't stand the pain anymore. Besides, you're being negative. Think positive. And know that if you need anyone's shoulder to cry on I'm here for you.
ReplyDelete(Punk - Please go give your mommy a big hug for me!)
My dear sweet friend,
ReplyDeleteI do not disagree with you last statement at all. Having been to hell and back with my own princess, I can relate all too well. I kept asking WHY GOD!?! WHY ME?!? more importantly WHY HER?!?!?! Why test my strength and devotion by putting my precious child through hell? I don't believe in hell~life on earth has shown me more of what hell truly is. The waiting is so hard, SO HARD!!
Hang in there my friend~and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you both~ALWAYS!!
Thers
Cowgirl up. You've tough offspring, and KC needs you. I would go with her if I could afford it. I can hear my Grandma reassuring me, "Everything is gonna be alright" or "You're beautiful". Matthew 6:27- "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Our Lord and savior Jesus Christ said that. Trust in him. Love you. Much much.
ReplyDeleteSD, so wise beyond your years.
ReplyDeleteAnne, there is no blame for what you are doing. You are exhausting every avenue to help your daughter and that is a positive. It would be worse to do nothing. Love is a verb, an action verb. Hate is the opposite, no action, apathy, not caring.
You Love Anne and that is what's important.
Just thinking of you....
ReplyDeleteHope all is well my friend...
I'll Be Here
I cannot ease your aching heart,
Nor take your pain away;
But let me stay and take your hand
And walk with you today.
I'll listen when you need to talk,
I'll wipe away your tears;
I'll share your worries when they come,
I'll help you face your fears.
I'm here and I will stand by you,
On each hill you have to climb;
So take my hand, let's face the world...
And live just one day at a time.
You're not alone, for I'm still here,
I'll go that extra mile;
And when your grief is easier,
I'll help you learn to smile!
- Author Unknown
I'm here sweetie and both of you are in my prayers...
ReplyDeleteNo matter what happens Anne you can't blame yourself. You are doing the absolute best that you can and that is all anyone can ask. We make choices and I hope this one works out for the best. *Hugs*
ReplyDeleteRemember WAAAAY back when... I was agonizing over pulling the plug on The Man? Remember when you told me to follow my heart and do what it told me to do....
ReplyDeleteYEah, back atcha.
*hugs*
xoxoxoxoxo
SPlat.
hugs you and tells you I already knew you were scared, what mother wouldnt be. ditto to everything above, you and Casey are always in my prayers hon.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteSince I have since shared all of these fears with Casey, I have opened this private blog up for everyone.
XOXO
Anne
I know, dont you want to just put a band aid on it and kiss it better. I have done nothing but cry while reading this, and believe it or not, that is a good thing.
ReplyDelete