Out With the Old

Good Happy Sunday Morning to All!

First and foremost, I have a friend that is living in Bangkok Thailand... Please take a moment to visit Leticias blog~ (Bangkok was the site of SO many explosions yesterday). And please, please to keep her safety in your prayers. CLICK HERE

Another friend of mine whose Mother~in~Law passed away early yesterday afternoon after an injury on Christmas Day. CLICK HERE I had earmarked her Christmas Eve blog entry called "A Dogs Night Before Christmas" to share with you all. (Well, with those of you that actually like dogs anyway)...

Uh-Oh, did somebody say "DOGS" ??? I'll get to them in a minute... hehehe

Hmmm?? (Kinda scared to ask, but shall my own New Year resolution be then to NOT post about dogs in blogs)??

What a nasty few 'daze' here... But I have slept. And I have woken. Slept. Woken. And slept some more... (The jury is still out on whether I am still asleep or awake at the moment)! ???

And with that, unless you want me to be blogging about the dreams I had while I slept, there is sure NOT too much news from the farm... (And Jamie, I do not have chicken poop anywhere)! Sure wish I did though...

Our little walk to the woods... And much excitement (and a bit of sadness too), for my little Miss Punk... We began walking back with Mama Milly; who then decided to take off straight for the old dump. Punkie started to follow, and then sadly thought better of it, (not wanting to leave me alone I suppose). She came back to me, to walk together.

I have LONG since given up trying to call Miss Milly back when she takes off at the speed of light. (And especially now, given the fact that it still basically hurts a bit to get that cold air in my mouth anyway)...

Milly truly loses her hearing at that speed anyway... (And sometimes a varmint or two loses the chase also). But I saw no bunnies or anything else ahead- Just the quickly disappearing backside of my eldest dog!

So a sad 'nobody~to~play~with' Punk and I meandered back to the woods... For the first time this year, there was a bit of ice on the river... but just a tiny bit too... Miss Punk cautiously running the ridge to be on the lookout should her mama appear down by the river. But it didn't happen.

Punkie got hold of a "Tarzan~Style" grapevine, taking her pent up frustrations out on that. But it wouldn't 'let go' for her either. hehehe

the more she pulled the worse it got for her...

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until, finally ripping it loose, she sailed her backside right into a pine tree!

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And then she almost 'bought it' over the cliff once more, as some bark snapped free from the grapevine...

...my own heart skipping a beat as she caught herself in time (with grapevine bark in her mouth)!

And still no Mama~Milly for her... As we walked to the old campsite, she just sat. Listening for any sign...

yet there was nothing to be heard or seen anywhere.

Finally, from all the way back home, Miss~Milly~Mama appeared! She must have realized we were still in the back woods waiting and wandering. And the joy was apparent in Punks face, as I told her "GO!" And she did!

Both Punkie and Millie... THROTTLES WIDE OPEN!

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And then to realize after a moment that she had left me behind she had to come back as if to say "Come see! I FOUND MAMA!"

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And she was ever so happy!

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I do not know what the heck Milly had gotten into, but am once more SO very grateful that she is not my 'inside' dog. When we got back up to the house to realize how very dirty she really was!

All that dirt, and very little snow for her to be rolling in either.

A dogs "winter bath" nowhere to be found...

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The last I had posted about the snow, I was asked about their collars. Perhaps a few others of you have wondered about them as well... I wrote back top Miss Val the following note:

The 'collars' on the dogs are two~fold. Both are Pet~Safe collars.



Miss Millys is a bark collar- When she first arrived to the farm she was a noisy little thing- Miss Mona (my deceased and beautiful black lab) had an old bark collar, so that went on Miss Milly... and has remained there ever since. (Of course the batteries died many many moons ago, but she doesn't bark now unless it is of the utmost importance).



Miss Punks collar is a remote controlled training collar. And it has 2 functions...

One is a 'beep' which warns her that she might be in trouble...

The other button on the remote actually can 'zap' her if she IS in trouble. (I have only had to push the zap about 4 times, but she knows it is there)-

Mostly she 'listens' so it is a moot point anyway.

The ONLY times she has gotten a zap is when she was getting too near the road, or something else that might have cost her limb and life. (But I like it on her, just in case). She can still get way too excited at times; but she's a baby yet- (9 months old now), and that's to be expected anyway.



So one is 'no bark' with no batteries; (PLEASE don't tell Miss Milly)... and Punkins is for training and safety.

Now Miss Mona (the black lab)... She was about 5 years old, and we had taken the old buick back to the woods... Mona would run like the wind there and back; and loved this twice daily routine...

One day, (after doing this only about 3,000 times), she had tripped in a rut, in the field- and wound up under the back tire. She died almost instantly.

I still have not gotten over the horror of killing her- Casey was in the car with me... and it still breaks my heart to be thinking of it all...

And life goes on...

Some days better than others...

And clearly even some months and years are better than others... But WE are here! And we take what the Good Lord sees fit to hand to us. Not always with a smile; but to not take it would be to end the purpose of anyones life.

I am happy to be here. (Um, most days). And I am forever happy to have found this little corner of the world that has brought me so much peace, that has brought me so many good friends, and that has brought me so much happiness in both of those things! This little niche in the big worldwide web... This little place I call "home".

I thank you for allowing me to share it all with you ALL. And I am thankful that I have only had a very few negative experiences associated with being on here. Through the dark days of Reianna's death; and from my bee~stings to my stupid head and even now my 'owiee' teeth, it is very apparent that I have certainly had MORE negative crap in my life that has nothing to do with being online and "out there" !!!

Happy New Year to Everyone!

And should you be away and enjoying a cocktail (or 2 or 3 or 10); Doubtfire has reminded all to please make use of a designated driver. Be safe.

My wish for you is that you have someone to have and to hold onto come the stroke of midnight, and for forever too.

XOXO

Anna-Anna!

PS I shall see those 'designated drivers' on here bright and early tomorrow morning... (and the rest of you? Perhaps a bit later)! hehehe

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All About Me. Think. Own. Digest. Feel.

Needing a little peace inside, there are many issues that have been brought to my attention as I have been blogging. 
You want/need answers, and many have asked me to define my own humanity.  
This is fair, and I believe I owe a bit of explanation- At least as far as I will go on here.

Please also bear with me as this was long and a bit difficult to write- This has been weighing on my mind, and yes, I know I need to share.

So many questions from you! Can I ever be serious? Are you ever lonely? Are you compassionate? Where do I know you from? Are you harsh? Are you for real? Are you honest? Have you loved?

Many have asked, do I ever have a bad day?

And the answer is a firm resounding "YES!" I have lots of bad days- and bad things that have happened to me- But through this blog, I have chosen not to share most of the raunchy stuff.

I do try to see that proverbial water glass as half full- even though many have tried to dump the damned thing out on me- time and time again. Not possible Folks.

Short of murder and mayhem, there are not too many scenarios that I remain virgin to. (Robbing banks falls under mayhem). hehehe

Some s(h)ituations I have brought upon myself, whether innocently or ignorantly- Some have just been thrust into my lap -and down my throat.

Either way, I have to 'see' my life and all of its experiences- To 'feed' on those experiences for a while; and then choose whether to spit 'em out or to swallow them- If I choose to swallow, I then need to digest it- Then live with. And learn from.

My doctor calls it all PTSD, (post-traumatic-stress-disorder)- but I believe there has to be a real way around all of that too. Not just a label, and a 'deal'- Yes, there are times that I would make a deal with the devil himself just to be rid of this.

I try hard some days not to look in that closet- but lately I have had those skeletons brought there, by your own innocent questions and remarks. (Or at the very least 'how' I perceived those same questions and remarks in your notes and comments).

Am I real? Each and every word that I write is real to me.
I can promise you that every personal blog that I have posted is a bit of insight for you- into my life, my family, my heart, and my soul. And you have been most welcomed!

You have shared so generously of your own time and your own prayers and all else, that there are times that I am amazed and overwhelmed by such selfless acts.

As stated, your comments and your letters mean so much to me! Perhaps you will hang in there today as I unload my more random thoughts on you.

And so, let the ramblings, (and rumblings), begin...


Know that I do not mean to offend anyone; save for those that need offending- a taste of their own medicine so to say.

I have been married twice- The first time to a beater; the second to a cheater. (If I do not abide pretense from anyone, suffice it only to emphasize that these are two of my main reasons why).

I am unmarried, and have been since 1989- This has been my choice (as I have found no one to fill some very tall orders). All that because I do not trust most men to mean what they say, and say what they mean.
 
I am honest to a fault, and I expect no less in anyone else. I do not sugarcoat anything; and through that, I have be labeled as bitchy.
Bitchy or not, there is a waiting, wise, woman of great hope, passion, (and patience). hehehe

Due to the fact that these two marriages failed, I have raised my children completely on my own.
He calls his help 'child support' and I call that a copout. Would that we could raise our children by our checkbooks alone, and divorce them also when the marriage went south?!? I don't think so.

Am I lonely? No! But I would be less than human if I did not get lonely every now and then. Still, I am not to be described as lonely.
I have not ever had a problem with being alone. And yes, these are two vastly different concepts.

Do I miss the conversations between two intelligent adults that have survived almost any/everything together 24/7/365? I never knew that to begin with;
so, "miss" it? No. But I do know that I would miss it if I did once have it.

My doctor has me on paroxetine to treat my anxiety attacks. Coupled with the Xanax I take to be able to get anywhere further than my own mailbox, these drugs have given me a bit of redemption this year.  And yet, I am still afraid of being afraid. (Was it Roosevelt that said 'we have nothing to fear, but fear itself')? He was correct.

There are so many situations and scenarios that have arisen throughout these 48+ years of my existence. I have been a victim of rape. One of my children, at 6 years old, was molested by a babysitter- Another, a victim of date rape and almost bled out and died because of it. One of my children was in a month~long treatment at the Jackie Nitschke Center for AODA.

I have one sister that died from a heroin overdose in 1976- (Having been adopted, I never had the chance to meet her, as my search did not happen until a decade later). I do however feel her loss in my life, as I always "knew" she was there, somehow.

I have 2 sisters that have breast cancer- and have thus far remained in remission (more prayers required for all women and men that live with this awful fear). 
Do not find me at fault for not providing the breast cancer awareness symbols all over my own page here- I assure you they are all quite well branded in my life -and in my heart. I am more than "aware" thank you.

In contrast to what you may hear on the news, very few people know the agony of hurting others- whether it is a child, a parent, or even a pet. You already know that my pets ARE an integral part of my family.
Furthermore, I do not believe that any child should have to grow up without a pet at home- They learn life; they learn death- and they learn to love without limits.

About 5 years ago, I accidentally ran over and killed our precious black lab, Mona-
To this day, (and aside from what Casey has been through), that accident remains one of the very hardest things that I have ever had to face in this lifetime. It can still leave me weak. Impotent. Agonized.

For the most part, we (myself and my children) deal with all of these issues as best we can; and seek help from the professionals when it becomes too great to deal by/with/between ourselves-   Whether those professionals are doctors, or lawyers, or just the very best of our friends!, does not matter- They are all there to help. The more commonly practiced art of 'gunnysacking' these matters only creates a much larger share of problems.

When others have problems -or a potential red flag- I try to always be there for them as well. One person asked if I could keep up because I have so very many friends on here?  I cannot and I do not- But I do TRY to. If anyone writes to me and simply asks, they are always given whatever is within me to offer, whether to impart a bit of solace, comfort, wisdom, or just a shoulder. That is the way I am. Inside and out.

When I awoke this morning after receiving two injections for my migraine yesterday, I had these words to read: "you came across a bit harsh and intollerent of others, god made us all different for a reason. Tollerence is a lesson to be learned." (Spelling errors left intact).
Those words have set- and finalized- this stage for all of my ramblings today.
I was deeply hurt by them- and even now having been given an explanation, it occurs to me that some of you might be feeling this toward myself and my words too. I apologize in advance if I have; and I can only hope that you will comment and let me know. 

I am intolerant of anyone who harms, or stifles, children. I am not against a well deserved spanking.

I am intolerant of stupid. (Very intolerant). Yet the mother in me will try to educate people as best I can also. I am never intolerant of those who show a willingness to learn.

Have we met before? Probably not-
But you still KNOW me...

• I AM those same skeletons in your own closet.
• I AM honest. "Brutally honest" at times, (as Mama proudly used to say). But Mama, "right is right, no matter how you spin it."
• I AM those horrible things that have happened to yourselves and/or to your loved ones.
• I AM those memories you could live well without. (I am NOT afraid to say it either).
• I AM that person that you recognize, because like me, you have also "been there, done that"

Our spirits always seek out- and find- alike souls to move forward with. I do call these souls "friend"-
And that, simply put, is why we are here.

Should any of this bear resemblance to your own heart and spirit, or to your own life, please let me know- Also let me know if I ever offend you, for it is not, nor will it be ever, my intent to do so.

God Bless you all for hanging in there with me today. For allowing me to unload a bit-

XOXO
Anne

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