Not Feelin' Too Groovy

I know many of you are "new" here.
Please do the clicks below if you want to know more about those things.
My comments are always open to all.

Your "Innards"
hehehe

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Good Morning.
(Is it)?
I am chilled today... It is so sunny out, but looks are deceiving. I've been out to feed the birds, my cardinal making such a fuss at Punk when I'd let her out earlier. (Those birds may be pretty, but none too bright to be thinking that Punk might be able to refill that feeder)! Dumb clucks.
Mom would call a few people that, and I have to giggle every time I think on it.

It was Mama's birthday on the 7th.
(To read about my mama, CLICK HERE).
She would have been 93 had she lived...

Reianna's birthday was on the 10th.
(To read about my Reianna, CLICK HERE).
So very hard to believe that she would have been 30 this year!

You will have to scroll down after you click those links since "Reianna", "Mom" and "Methadone" are all included in the tags on this blog.

Also included in Reianna's CLICK is the information about METHADONE.
***If you or anyone else you know is prescribed this drug for pain, or withdrawal, please DO NOT TAKE IT!

Doctors are still prescribing it.

People are still dying.

Please get the word out.

"According to the National Center for Health Statistics, medical examiners listed methadone as contributing to 3,849 deaths in 2004; up from 790 in 1999."
From here- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methadone

Methadone is also prescribed as 

• Symoron,
  
• Dolophine,
  
• Amidone,
  
• Methadose,
  
• Physeptone,
  
• Heptadon 
• -and many others

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The links above should work for you. If they don't please let me know.
Sometimes I really I wish we wouldn't have had to migrate all of our old Y!360 blogs to Multiply- Hard to find them all, and equally difficult to link them appropriately too. (Maybe that's just me)?

And now on Multiply, without many comments! hehehe The original ones at Yahell 360 had many of your comments, NOT that I can even get to them anymore.

Anyway...

... My top picture??? (Stolen from here).

As many of you have already read on my calendar on Multiply, Casey and I will be returning to Minneapolis once again.
This visit, to "see" what is going on within her colon.

Dr. Sutherland believes that he will have to remove 70% of her colon.
When I asked, he said she would not need the colostomy bag at all.
It would be a surgery to get rid of the hairpin turns in her colon.
Ideally, he would rather wait for 6 months after her TP/AIT, which would bring possible surgery to June or July. We wait now, anxiously, to have the upcoming test results.

I don't know how to wrap my head around her pain some days? Or how to help her anymore. Kind of a horrible and impotent feeling. Wish it was me.

In awful pain, now with vomiting and more diarrhea, and on her doctors advice, I brought Casey to St Marys hospital again on Tuesday.

They were going to admit her, and then did not.   wth?
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Casey at St. Marys Hospital.

March 10th, 2009

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She has blogged about it herself. CLICK HERE to read her own frustrations of it all. (Oh, but do grab a cup of coffee before you do, she has written at length). I don't know where she gets that from!?

She put on a very good and happy face for her appointment for Social Security Disability yesterday. (Not sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing)? But the man was nice, (even a sense of humor thrown in), and I hope smart enough that he saw through what/how she has lived these past three years.

I don't know much, but I do know that "something has gotta give" as they say.
Maybe say a little prayer?

• Thanks to all the garbage at UWGB, at this point she has almost given up her own little hopes for college.
  
  
• Remember the nasty apartment hunting, and how she was treated? <-Click those words for those two entries.
  
  
• She has lost every job she has had in the past 3 years, save for the tax one (that was temporary; they did not call her back this past year either- Not that she could have worked). One waited to fire her after she returned from surgery. The other 2 "let her go" while she was hospitalized!

Like I said, something has just got to give for her.

It all seems to keep "snowballing"...

So there's my rant for today. Not too much newsworthy.
Cold or not I really have to get outside and work off some of this "grrr" energy.

Love to all.

XOXO
Anne

PS
My title? I don't believe I have EVER used the word "groovy" in a blog before.
Have YOU?

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Posted at Y! 360, Thursday March 12, 2009 - 10:51am (CDT)

September 15th, 2006 -Daniel DeGrave

September 15th, 2006  -Daniel DeGrave

Happy 25th Birthday, Daniel...

and yes, this is the definition of a bittersweet birthday.
You have now turned 25-
an entire quarter of a century; and have just lost your sister...

Find your peace in knowing she is with you always...

And Good Evening to all of my friends- and to the 'lurkers' too- all of whom have taken a moment of your own time to send a note of sincere condolences our way-

BTW, Daniel is on the far right of this photo...

It has been a wretched few days here... No sleep, (very little anyway), even with getting a shot for my stupid head yesterday. It seems as everything is either going too fast- or in slow motion; and I don't know why.

My HP PSC500 failed me this morning as I tried to make copies of all the photos I had of Reianna... And of all times for that to go- The scanner doesn't work at all- says it's not connected etc etc etc... (Uh-huh).

So I 'made' photos by copying them- They will all be on Reianna's Memorial Boards then. --Changing computers in January, I never did re-hook up my old computer to retrieve all of those pictures... I will do that one day soon-

But for now, what I have for Susan and Dennis and Daniel will have to suffice.

I brought Sue's copies to her home today- Dennis, Daniel and David will be here in the A.M. to help Casey move- Dennis can have his then... Think I will put them in an album too so they do not get misplaced. But, oh!, what a job to make all the reprints this way. OK, so NOW I have also run out of photo paper...

I found myself running the entire gamut of emotion since Wednesdays phone call, and as I sorted through all of the pictures today- Some of those making me cry, and wanting it all back- Some of them honestly making me laugh out loud from the memory of it all.

Picture this: 6 kids in a teeny little old Datsun! Yes, they all fit- Of course that was before all the new car seat laws- (I think you have to have them in a car seat until they are 25 or so nowadays)! That was also before I had bought my then new 1985 Buick Electra Estate Wagon- with the 3rd seat! (They would argue over whose turn it was to sit back there).
Once there, they would make faces at all the cars behind us...
And we would sing- LOUDLY- wherever we would be going to...

We still are not entirely sure why God chose to take Reianna- She died about noon on Wednesday- The autopsy is not yet finished, so that, in and of itself, dictates when the funeral can be. He said that the private viewing will definitely be Sunday, with the service to be held then on Monday- Long weekend for everyone.

And if for no other reason than to get everyone busy, I am glad that Casey and Roberta are moving tomorrow. They will have a little place in Pulaski, and with everyone pitching in to move, it shouldn't be taking them too long at all. (Which is NOT to say that CaseyAnne is all packed either)!

Roberta is moving everything she can tonight- Casey has already brought a bunch of stuff over- She still has to take that whole dorm bed/desk/dresser thingie apart- (I say leave it for the guys to do)!

I sat down on the floor the other night- everybody had been here- and was gone again- And just cried and cried. You just miss people so much more now, especially when you know you will never be able to see them again. Death does that not to the decedent, but only to those of us left behind. But my little Miss Punk came to me, sat down and gently laid her head against me as if to say it would be alright. Oh, my Faith assures me that it will. But surely this will take much time.

Reianna has left behind 3 small children- There are no words to say how my heart breaks for them all- The youngest is only 9 months old...

When I met Reianna, she was so quiet and shy- but came out of that quickly enough once she realized that she would be getting a whole bunch of sisters out of the whole deal! She loved to come out here- And loved my Mom so very much- And I can remember the time that she asked Mom if it was OK to call her 'Grandma'? My mother (almost brought to tears at that point)- said, "Of course you may! One can never have too many grandmothers!" Those two always had to share their birthday cakes too- Fun to watch them try to blow out the candles- And with that is yet another small consolation as I know that Reianna and my mother are together once more!

Reianna always made people so happy to be near to her.

We used to walk back to the woods a whole lot in those days- Each child would see something new each time- (sometimes with every step)...

 Once though, it was March- a thaw had come- everything was pretty muddy- I chose not to go with them-
Zoe, being the oldest, would watch them close enough; and besides they all knew where they could go/not go anyway...
About 45 minutes later, we had a whole houseful of hysterical children- laughing, crying (and everything inbetween too)...

...Seems as though they had taken a shortcut across the field. Half of them had come back with their boots- half of them only with their dirty soaking wet socks-
They had gotten stuck in the mud so bad that they couldn't even pull their boots out!
(I think it was a full 2 years later that Farmer Fisher finally plowed those boots up)!

Yes, we had plenty of fun- a few of the normal trials and tribulations of children growing up, but nothing that should have led to death at 27... Too young- and she had so much to do yet...

For now though I am going to try to get a bit of sleep- Am so tired, inside and out. It goes all the way through- and it cuts way deep sometimes...

I hope everyone is having brighter and lighter days than we are at this point. Have a good weekend.

And may God Bless you all for your kind thoughts, words of encouragement, and all of your offered prayers-

XOXO,
Anne

Friday September 15, 2006 - 09:24pm (CDT)

Reianna Marie DeGrave- (including my own written memorial to her family)

Reianna Marie DeGrave-
(including my own written memorial to her family)

September 14th, 2006

Reianna Marie DeGrave

March 10, 1979- September 13, 2006

"Rest in Peace My Sweet Little Girl"

"The Will of GOD will never take you
where the GRACE of GOD will not protect you."

Asleep
in God's beautiful garden
Away from all sorrow and pain
Someday when life's journey has ended
We’ll all be together again.

author unknown

Reianna as always a 'daughter'; as I was Dennis 2nd wife.

Not from under my heart, but forever in it...

Here now, is a copy of my own little memorial/tribute to Reianna...

There are no words... I have been up for the better part of 3 hours already- staring at this screen,

Alone with my own offerings, my own prayers, and my own little thoughts; and with my most wonderful memories of Reianna...

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Susan... Dennis...

I have prided myself on my ability to put myself in other peoples shoes. But I don't think that anything I can even think of would appreciate the pain you are in right now. And there is nothing that can possibly be said to help to lessen that grief for you.

Through you both I have been given the opportunity to love your little girl, and for that I promise to always remain grateful for being entrusted with loving Reianna.

My memories of, and love for Reianna, will both live on always- for my own lifetime and in my own heart...

Daniel...

I cannot even begin to know your own loss and shock. Age not-with-standing, you were always the 'big' brother- and Reianna has always had your constant, abiding and faithful love and support. That is what 'family' is all about. Having you to count on, to "step up to the plate" now with respect to the babies, meant the world to your sister- and meant PEACE to her soul as well. Your love for her and her's for you will live on in you always.

Zoe... Jennifer... Roberta... CaseyAnne...

Sometimes knowing that love offered, taken, given and shared, is enough in its entirety to hold onto for a lifetime. It is not how long we are here to love, but rather how well and how very much we love for the time that we are here.

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Once upon a time I had met this beautiful, bashful, quiet, 'wouldn't eat beans' little girl. While she did learn that those beans would not harm her, I respect that Reianna had many other fears besides those damnable beans...

As a small girl, she was prone to throwing her tantrums- almost comedic in retrospect... Pitching herself to the floor, (no matter where we were)- and screaming something fierce. After a while, we did learn to just walk away- but this too took time, and broke our hearts- Once done though, she never did throw herself to the floor again.

As a 1st grader, Reianna gave all she had to learning how to read- and the effort she put into it was an enormous one. With this effort, came a whole new world that opened up to her.

And she blossomed- and with that, she grew. Going to Parent-Teacher Conferences, the one thing that has forever remained in my heart is her teacher telling us what an exact joy it was to have Reianna in her class because every day she got a world of free hugs; ...and so very much love to look forward to.

This ability to love is Reianna's true spirit. The very same spirit that Reianna tried to hold onto- desperately at times. Most especially as a young adult; if only to find and to keep her own little place in this most ungracious and terribly unforgiving world.

And she overcame so very much in her too-short life... Learning to trust in herself, to have faith in her own soul, and in her own heart were only two of those things.

Learning to love herself as the beautful woman she was, was another.

And through the Amazing Grace of God Reianna found her way to persevere.

And she continued to grow and to learn-

She learned mostly that sometimes she just had to take one baby step at a time- and at others, there were offered those HUGE steps forward.

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Kain. Makayla. And Michael.

(Reianna's very own huge steps... and her legacy to us all).

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Michael- at 9 months, still to take his own first baby steps;

Kain and Makayla already in school- and already displaying their own unequalled spirits.

The pain will pass and the good memories and your love for your mother will always live on in the spirits of each of you.

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Again...

Kain...

Makayla...

Michael...

Susan... Mother...

Dennis... Daddy...

Zoe Catherine...

Jennifer Hope...

Daniel Bernard...

Roberta Marie...

CaseyAnne Louise...

May God Bless You All...

Each and Every one..

Not only for today and tomorrow, but may His Blessings sustain your hearts throughout your own lives- until you can all be together again.

My Deepest Sympathies and My Forever Love;

Anne/Ma/Mom

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September 14, 2006 4:00 AM

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METHADONE

Please also see 20/20 article: "One Pill Can Kill"

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=2475616&page=1

Good Morning;

Most of you who are on my friends list here have probably already received my email from this morning- This is a copy of that email then...

Those of you that are lurkers here- or even just passing through

PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS

I have also attached Reianna's entry... including my own little tribute to herself and to her family too....

------------------------------------

here is my email:

Hi all,

Did you have a chance to catch ABC's 20/20 last night? This story had the first spot, a story, (actually many stories) about people who have died taking prescribed dosages of methadone. This is what Reianna took the night before she died...

Please do NOT take this drug for ANY reason!

EVER!

And please forward this on to all of your family and friends too. This knowledge IS that important...

Here is a brief synopsis of their program last night then... One Pill Can Kill http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=2475616&page=1

METHADONE

Killing More Than Pain, Killing Patients

By JIM AVILA and BONNIE VANGILDER

Sept. 22, 2006 — - Pain pills are the new "pocket gold" on the street, so valuable to drug dealers that the neighborhood prescription counter has become the target of routine holdups.

Bandits have been caught on surveillance video jumping over counters, not for cash in the register, but for Percocet, OxyContin, and a new favorite, methadone.

No matter how it is acquired, illegally or by prescription, methadone is now the leading drug killer in many states.

In North Carolina, methadone-related deaths have increased by 50 times in recent years, skyrocketing to more than one death every other day. Cheap and Lethal

Methadone is prescribed more frequently and sold on the street for as little as 25 cents a pill.

Ruth Winecker, a chief toxicologist for the North Carolina Medical Examiner's Office, says methadone is so cheap, insurance companies promote its use.

Often doctors wrongly prescribe methadone for temporary pain, such as a migraine headache, menstrual cramps, or a pulled tooth.

Winecker says the danger with methadone is that it stays in your body for a long time.

About 15 hours after you take a methadone tablet, half of the tablet is still active in your system.

Now autopsy reports are showing that even people who suffer legitimate pain and have prescriptions from their doctors can be at risk. Lives Lost to Methadone

Michael Houston, 17, of Winston-Salem, N.C., lost his life to methadone.

His parents, Terry and Lisa Houston, say he had too many activities on his plate to be a drug abuser.

He was active in church youth groups; played guitar and baseball; and, had an after-school job and a girlfriend.

His father, Terry Houston, remembers that his son was very congested and was not sleeping well at night.

"Someone may have told him, 'Take this [pill]. This will help you rest. You'll get a good night's sleep,'" Houston said.

Houston says his son came home from work one night and went to sleep at around 10:30.

The next morning, he didn't wake up.

He was rushed to the hospital by ambulance and was put on a breathing machine for a day and a half.

Michael Houston was pronounced dead. Terry Houston says the autopsy showed that the only drug in his son's system was about 10 milligrams to 15 milligrams of methadone -- only one pill.Shared Grief

The Houstons are not alone in their sorrow.

Three other North Carolina families have lost loved ones to accidental methadone overdoses.

Eddie Ellis' brother, William Ellis, and Darlalu Craanen's husband, Robert Craanen, both died within a week of starting new methadone prescriptions.

Linda Simmons also lost her daughter, Ronda Wilson, a 34-year-old nurse, who was taking methadone for a bad back.

Simmons says the medical examiner called her to tell her that methadone poisoning had caused her daughter's death.

"One pill can be lethal," said methadone expert Lynn Webster, the president of Utah's Academy of Pain Medicine and a practicing pain-management doctor.

Webster analyzed methadone deaths nationally, and he says that the main problem is with new users.

The drug doesn't kick in right away, so new users are more apt to take more and overdose.

So, Webster says, doctors need to strongly warn patients not to soothe their pain with more amounts of the drug.

"If a doctor prescribes too much medicine, you may not wake up two or three days after you start your prescription," Webster said.

By "not wake up" Webster says he means "die."

Robert Craanen, an electrician with severe migraine headaches, took methadone as prescribed and died four days after starting the medication.

"After he passed away, I counted the days and counted the pills. He had taken the proper amount that was prescribed," said Darlalu, Craanen's wife. "He shouldn't have died."

Then there's Simmons.

Her daughter was a high-risk patient, overweight, asthmatic, and suffering from a chronic cough -- not a good candidate for a drug, like methadone, that depresses breathing.

After taking methadone, Simmons says, her daughter was found dead in her sleep by Simmons' grandson.

"Our daughter was a nurse. She just didn't know what she was taking," Simmons said.

"Even educated people don't understand the devastation this drug can cause or how quickly it can happen." Reacting to Methadone

Strangely enough, there was a warning sign in all these patients before their deaths.

Terry Houston woke up in the middle of the night when he heard his son snoring extremely loudly.

Eddie Ellis says he noticed the same thing before his brother, William, died.

"I could hear him snoring, outside," he said.

Doctors say uncharacteristic snoring is a sign that a patient may be suffering from methadone poisonings.

"We see this constantly. In tons and tons of cases that cross my desk, the patient was snoring, doesn't usually snore, making gargling sounds," said chief toxicologist Winecker.

"Those are all indications that the patient is toxic."

Innocent patients are dead, and many were never warned on their prescription bottles about the tricky nature of taking methadone.

The Houstons say they are angry at themselves that their son is dead.

"Angry for not being awake when he came home that night. … Angry at God for not giving him another chance."

Copyright © 2006 ABC News Internet Ventures

Take care-

With love always, "Anna-Anna"