I am going to post this as quite a private entry for now.
Kristin has had her hands, arms, and her life, full- of dealing with Gabriel.
If you will read below, he has been doing (mostly) all of these things; to a very large extent.
They have been to a few social workers, and now child-psychologists.
Initially diagnosed with O.D.D.; Gabriel now has been dx'ed with R.A.D..
I had never heard of either of those issues before Kristin had told me a few months back. (Please do the clicks on the acronyms above).
Now, with this 'new' diagnosis, I am feeling like perhaps I should have 'stayed the course' and just kept fighting with Roberta over keeping him.
But she would not listen to anything.
- He was "HER" boy.
- But he was only a possession to her, and not her son, ya know?
AND, remember also that I had a very, very, very, sick Casey to care for also.
At this point she is only very, very, sick.
OK j/k.
She really is quite ill.
Kind of like me. But hey, my doctors were wrong about the "cupla months". hehehe
I didn't go to Minnesota with Casey when they went 2 weeks ago. There was just no way I would have made the trip.
Greg took her as her friend Courtney backed out on her at the last minute.
Thank God for Greg!
What is Attachment Disorder
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
"Attachment" is defined as the affectional tie between two people. It begins with the bond between the infant and mother. This bond becomes internally representative of how the child will form relationships with the world.
Bowlby stated "the initial relationship between self and others serves as blueprints for all future relationships." (Bowlby 1975)
So that initial relationship would be something lacking in myself too; as I was not 'attached' to anyone until I was adopted.
Then, I got mom, whose arms (and heart) were always full of Mary.
Bu thank God I had my Dad!
"Attachment Disorder" is defined as the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships.
They often show nearly a complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others.
They typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust.
They do not allow people to be in control of them due to this trust issue.
This damage is done by being abused or physically or emotionally separated from one primary caregiver during the first 3 years of life.
- And who would that be for Gabriel? Me? Roberta? Casey?
"If a child is not attached- does not form a loving bond with the mother- he does not develop an attachment to the rest of mankind.
The unattached child literally does not have a stake in humanity" (Magid & McKelvey 1988)
They do not think and feel like a normal person.
"At the core of the unattached is a deep-seated rage, far beyond normal anger. This rage is suppressed in their psyche. Now we all have some degree of rage, but the rage of psychopaths is that born of unfulfilled needs as infants.
Incomprehensible pain is forever locked In their souls, because of the abandonment they felt as infants." (Magid & McKelvey 1988)
"There is an inability to love or feel guilty.
There is no conscience.
Their inability to enter into any relationship makes treatment or even education impossible." (Bowlby 1955)
- Some infamous people with Attachment Disorder that did not get help *in time: Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Edgar Allan Poe, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Ted Bundy. How utterly UGLY!
- One famous person with Attachment Disorder who did get help in time (in 1887!) and became one of greatest humanitarians is Helen Keller.
_________________________________________
Attachment Disorder Symptoms
• Superficially engaging & charming
• Lack of eye contact on parents terms
• Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
• Not affectionate on Parents’ terms (not cuddly)
• Destructive to self, others and material things (accident prone)
• Cruelty to animals
• Lying about the obvious (crazy lying)
• Stealing
• No impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive)
• Learning Lags
• Lack of cause and effect thinking
• Lack of conscience
• Abnormal eating patterns
• Poor peer relationships
• Preoccupation with fire
• Preoccupation with blood & gore
• Persistent nonsense questions & chatter
• Inappropriately demanding & clingy
• Abnormal speech patterns
• Triangulation of adults
• False allegations of abuse
• Presumptive entitlement issues
• Parents appear hostile and angry
_________________________________________
Causes
Any of the following conditions occurring to a child during the first 36 months of life puts them at risk:
• Unwanted pregnancy Yes. He and Sam.
• Pre-birth exposure to trauma, drugs or alcohol I honestly do not know
• Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) ???
• Neglect (not answering the baby’s cries for help) I do not know
• Separation from primary caregiver (i.e. Illness or death of mother or severe illness or hospitalization of the baby, or adoption YES.
• On-going pain such as colic, hernia or many ear infections Not really.
• Changing day cares or using providers who don’t do bonding YES.
• Moms with chronic depression Among others, Roberta is manic-depressive
• Several moves or placements (foster care, failed adoptions) YES.
• Caring for baby on a timed schedule or other self-centered parenting YES, but it was on HER schedule, never on his.
_________________________________________
As you can guess that is a highly important factor here.
Casey and I will be going over there tomorrow- (well, today I guess), as I have presents for them that must get dropped off yet.
Damn- Time for me to try to sleep-
I just dropped my caffeine all over the rug and have been scrubbing the damned thing for a while.
So while it dries i shall rest.... I hope
And double damn too. I told Casey i would be there for 10.
UGH
Nighty night.
PLEASE let me know what you think?
I do SO very much need your input.
XOXO
Me
ReplyDeleteGabriels original DX
Oppositional Defiant Disorder Resource Center This resource center offers a definition of the disorder, answers to frequently asked questions, and information on getting help. For additional information see other Facts for Families:
#6 Children Who Can't Pay Attention/ADHD
#16 Learning Disabilities
#4 The Depressed Child
#38 Manic‑Depressive Illness in Teens
#52 Comprehensive Psychiatric Evaluation
#33 Conduct Disorder
#65 Children's Threats
#66 Helping Teenagers with Stress
#00 Definition of a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist(Just saving the info so I can find it again faster).
More on O.D.D.
ReplyDeleteNo. 72; March 2011
Click here to download and print a PDF version of this document. All children are oppositional from time to time, particularly when tired, hungry, stressed or upset. They may argue, talk back, disobey, and defy parents, teachers, and other adults. Oppositional behavior is often a normal part of development for two to three year olds and early adolescents. However, openly uncooperative and hostile behavior becomes a serious concern when it is so frequent and consistent that it stands out when compared with other children of the same age and developmental level and when it affects the child’s social, family and academic life. In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster’s day to day functioning. Symptoms of ODD may include: Frequent temper tantrumsExcessive arguing with adultsOften questioning rulesActive defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rulesDeliberate attempts to annoy or upset peopleBlaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehaviorOften being touchy or easily annoyed by othersFrequent anger and resentmentMean and hateful talking when upsetSpiteful attitude and revenge seeking The symptoms are usually seen in multiple settings, but may be more noticeable at home or at school. One to sixteen percent of all school-age children and adolescents have ODD. The causes of ODD are unknown, but many parents report that their child with ODD was more rigid and demanding that the child’s siblings from an early age. Biological, psychological and social factors may have a role. A child presenting with ODD symptoms should have a comprehensive evaluation. It is important to look for other disorders which may be present; such as, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), learning disabilities, mood disorders (depression, bipolar disorder) and anxiety disorders. It may be difficult to improve the symptoms of ODD without treating the coexisting disorder. Some children with ODD may go on to develop conduct disorder. Treatment of ODD may include: Parent Management Training Programs to help parents and others manage the child’s behavior. Individual Psychotherapy to develop more effective anger management. Family Psychotherapy to improve communication and mutual understanding. Cognitive Problem-Solving Skills Training and Therapies to assist with problem solving and decrease negativity. Social Skills Training to increase flexibility and improve social skills and frustration tolerance with peers. Medication may be helpful in controlling some of the more distressing symptoms of ODD as well as the symptoms related to coexistent conditions such as ADHD, anxiety and mood disorders. A child with ODD can be very difficult for parents. These parents need support and understanding. Parents can help their child with ODD in the following ways: Always build on the positives, give the child praise and positive reinforcement when he shows flexibility or cooperation.
Some of those things are so hard to diagnose.
ReplyDeleteyeah very hard to diagnose properly, So what will be done for Gabe?
ReplyDeleteI don't know.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I asked YOU guys for your input.
XOXO
me
Not having spent time with Gabe nor having a psychology degree..... I don't know what to suggest.
ReplyDeleteYou might perhaps speak to Tallulah. She works with "these children" all day every day and she of anyone we know knows what works and what doesn't. She might be able to suggest some things that you guys could do that might help or at least help to sort out what it is.
*These children" = Children who have difficult to diagnose/treat disorders.