Hop on that broomstick and ride it!

^♥^
hehehe, and Boo!
Share these with everyone! Most for kids. (The last two, not so much).

Hope your Halloween was ghastly!

XOXO
Me

Stolen from everywhere...

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^


Q: What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.

Q: What do you call serious rocks?
A: Grave stones.

Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
A: Witchful thinking.

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^


KNOCK~KNOCK
~WHO'S THERE
PHILLIP
~PHILLIP WHO ?
FILL UP MY BAG WITH CANDY PLEASE?

~~~~~~~~~~

Some of these jokes are very 'bat'
Some might even say 'scary'. :-)

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid!!!

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap!!!!!

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.

Q. Why can't the boy ghost have babies?
A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
A. You suck.

Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
A.Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the Boos.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.

Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A. He is mist.

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. Why doesn't Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat.
A. Because of the coffin.

Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A. Because he is always a goblin.

Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A. A toasty ghosty.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
Q. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A. Whipped scream.

Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q. What are ghosts' favorite kind of streets?
A. Dead ends

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving

Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
A. Mas-scare-a.

Q. Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A. To go to the body shop.

Q. What happens when two vampires meet?
A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective?
A. Sherlock Moans.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married?
A. Newlywebbed

Q. Who was the most famous witch detective?
A. Warlock Holmes

Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop?
A. Scream or sugar!

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. Where do most werewolves live?
A. In howllywood, California

Q. Where do most goblins live?
A. in North and South Scarolina.

Q. Where does a ghost refuel his porche?
A. At a ghastly station.

Q. What do Italian's eat on Halloween?
A. Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)

Q. Why did the skeleton go disco dancing?
A. to see the boogy man.

Q. What do witches use in their hair?
A. scare-spray

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents
A. mummy and deady

Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A. sour-puss

Q. How do you scare a mummy
A. with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet?
A. blood-thirsty hacker baby

Q. Why do ghosts shiver and moan?
A. It's drafty under that sheet.

Q. What instrument do skeleton play?
A: Trom-BONE.

Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast?
A. Boo-Berries.

Q: Why did't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He had no guts.

Q. Why do vampires scare people?
A. They are bored to death!

Q. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
A. Every night he turns into a bat.

Q. What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A. It's a pain in the neck.

Q. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A. All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q. What songs does Dracula hate?
A. "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders"...

Q. What did the Mummy movie director say when the final scene was done?
A. Ok, that's a wrap.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt?
A. She bats her eyes.

Q. What is a vampires least favorite food?
A.Steak

Q. What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A. A grave problem.

Q. Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A. He has a bat temper.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A. He had a fang-ache.

Q. Why are vampires like false teeth?
A. They all come out at night.

Q. Who does Dracula get letters from?
A. His fang club.

Q. What kind of key does a skeleton use?
A. A skeleton key.

Q. What kind of gum do ghosts chew?
A. Boo Boo Gum.

Q. Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A. To stop his coffin.

Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A. Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A. Give him screws.

Q. What can't you give the headless horseman?
A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. What is a ghosts favorite sale?
A. A white sale.

Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A. A boo-tie.

Q. What's a ghosts favorite desert?
A. Boo-berry pie.

Q. What type of dog does every vampire have?
A. Bloodhound!

Q. What's a monsters favorite desert?
A. I-Scream!!

Q. Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
A. So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q. When does a ghost have breakfast?
A. In the moaning.

Q. What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
A. Coffee with scream and sugar.

Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A. Mali-boo.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. Where did the ghost get it's hair done?
A: At the boo-ty shop.

Q. What do they teach in witching school?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why does a witch ride a broom?
A. Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together?
A. Broommates.

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A. Spelling

Q: Why can't Boy Ghosts make babies??
A: Because they have Hollow-Weenies!

Q. Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street?
A. He was dying to get to the other side!!

Q. Where do ghosts go out?
A. Where they can get boooooo-ze.

Q. Where do ghosts go out?
A. Where they can get sheet-faced.

Q. What did the mother ghost say to her kids in the car?
A. Fasten your sheet belts.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie?
A. He didn't have the guts.

Q. What did the corpse' mom do when her son was bad?
A. Ground him

Q. Why was the mummy so tense?
A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A. Because he had bat breath.

Q. Why don't ghost have bands?
A. They get booooooooooed.

Q. What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes?
A. A cereal killer.

Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins? A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the when wolves.

Q. What did the bird say on Halloween?
A. Trick or tweet!

Q. Why do skeletons drink milk?
A. To help their bones!

Q. What's a Vampire's least favorite song?
A. Another one bites the dust!

Q. What is a Skeleton's favorite song.
A. Bad to the Bone

Q. Whats a ghost's favorite type of car?
A. A boo-ick

Q. Where do ghost go for fun?
A. To the boo-vies

Q. What's a skeletons favorite part of the house?
A. the living room

Q. What did the teenage witch ask her mother on Haloween?
A. Can i have the keys to the broom tonight.

Q. What do u get when theres a witch in the desert?
A. You get a sandwich.

W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A.it raises their spirits.

Q. Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights?
A. He's all bone & no muscle.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: A necktarine

Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating?
A. Bone~appetit

Q. What do gosts call there girl friends?
A. Their goul friends.

Q. How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire?
A. So long sucker!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the Halloween party?
A. Becuse he had no body to go with.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite band?
A. The Boos Brothers

Q. What did Dracula have for dessert?
A. Whine & Ice scream

Q. What is Dracula's favorite restaraunt?
A. Murder King

Q. What is a Ghost's favorite food?
A. HamBoogers

Q. What is in a ghost's nose?
A. Boogers

Q. What was the mummies' vacation like?
A. Nobody knows. They were too wrapped up to tell us.

Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
A: You are the most booooooooo-tiful thing I have ever seen!

Q. Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it?
A. Because people are dying to get in.

Q. What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking?
A. A pumpkin patch!!!

Q. Where do vampires keep their money?
A: The blood bank!!!

Q. What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes?
A. They suck!

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^


Sing this one to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree".

Oh, Haunted House
Oh, Haunted House,
Oh, Haunted House--
The mansion stands so proudly.
Oh, Haunted House,
Oh, Haunted House--
Its shutters bang so loudly.
Its wooden staircase groans and creaks.
Its doors have lots of eerie squeaks.
Oh, Haunted House,
Oh, Haunted House--
The mansion stands so proudly.

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^

The Twelve Houses on Halloween
At the twelfth house on Halloween my neighbor gave to me
Twelve cherry bonbons
Eleven creamy nougats
Ten shiny pennies
Nine orange gumdrops
Eight chewy caramels
Seven candied apples
Six peanut clusters
FIVE POPCORN BALLS
Four peppermints
Three pralines
Two lollipops
And a large piece of chocolate taffy!
Sing to the tune of "Twelve Days of Christmas". Copied from The Peanuts Book of Pumpkin Carols Hallmark Card (circa early 1990's)

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^♥^

Dashing through the street
meeting goblins as we go
wearing contour sheets
wishing it would snow

bells on doorbells ring
making spirits bright
what fun it is to come and sing
and get some food tonight

Trick-or-Treat, trick-or-treat,
trick-or-treat we say ry to get some treats efore the ghost takes us away

oh-trick-or-treat, trick-or-treat
trick -or-treat we say
if you don't have treats for us
We'll never go away

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^


Another Halloween song from school..
Hurray for Halloween!
Hurray for Halloween!
When ghosts fly! (boooooo)
And owls hoot! (hoooooot)
And witches fly up in the sky
Hurray....for....Hal-lo-ween!!
BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!


~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^


Five Little Pumpkins

Five little pumpkins sitting on a gate.
The first one said, "Oh my, it's getting late."
The second one said, "There are witches in the air."
The third one said, "But we don't care."
The fourth one said, "Let's run and run and run."
The fifth one said, "I'm ready for some fun."
"OOOOOOOOOO," went the wind
and out went the light.
And the five little pumpkins rolled out of sight.

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^
 

This old ghost, he played one,
he played peek-a-boo on the run.
With a boo! boo! boo! and a clap, clap, snap.
This old ghost is a friendly chap.

This old ghost, he played two.
He played peek-a-boo in a shoe.
With a boo! boo! boo! and a clap, clap, snap.
This old ghost is a friendly chap.

This old ghost, he played three.
He played peek-a-boo behind a tree.
With a boo! boo! boo! and a clap, clap, snap.
This old ghost is a friendly chap

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^

Halloween Hijinx

There's a skeleton in my closet
and it wants my only ball.
There's a skeleton in my closet
and it's sneaking down the hall.

There's a ghost tripping down the stairs
and for what I do not know.
But that skeleton in my closet
really wants to go.

I stare out my window now
and what a sight to behold.
For that skeleton from my closet
now has my basketball goal.

I hope mom and dad don't wake
from all this frightful noise.
Because the skeleton from my
closet has invited some other "boys".

One team was all ghosts
and the other mere spare parts.
The only thing I can say
is at least it wasn't darts.

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^

On the first night of Halloween my goblin gave to me....
A spooky owl in a gnarled tree.
On the second night of Halloween my goblin gave to me....
Two hairy toads and a spooky owl in a gnarled tree.
On the third night of Halloween my goblin gave to me....
Three Jack-o-lantern's, two hairy toads and a spooky owl in a gnarled tree.
Fourth: Four cackling witches.
Fifth: Five pounds of worms!!!!!
Sixth: Six spiders spinning
Seventh: Seven creeping lizards
Eighth: Eight werewolves howling.
Ninth: Nine bats a flying
Tenth: Ten skeletons rattling
Eleventh: Eleven black cats hissing
Twelfth: Twelve vampires nibbling
Thirteenth: Thirteen Ghosts a booing

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^
 
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^

To "Jingle Bells"

Rufus Jack-o-lantern Was a very scary sight,
With triangle eyes, a twisted mouth, And a huge hole for a nose.
Rufus Jack-o-lantern Is a ghost tale so they say,
But the children know how the story goes, How he came to scare them one day.

There must have been some magic in the candle mom put in him,
For when they struck a match to it, he began to laugh at them.
Rufus Jack-o-lantern Was alive as he could be,
And the children say he could scream all day just like any banshee.

Rufus Jack-o-lantern Was a very scary sight,
With triangle eyes, a twisted mouth, And a huge hole for a nose.
Rufus Jack-o-lantern Is a ghost tale so they say,
But children know how the story goes, How he came to scare them one day.

He chased them down the old graveyard with a broomstick and a mop.
He scared them half to death until He came to a sudden stop.
Oh, Rufus Jack-o-lantern His time had come to go.
He had to stop his scary chase When his candle would no longer glow.

Thumpity, thump, thump Thumpity, thump, thump Look at Rufus go.
Thumpity, thump, thump Thumpity, thump, thump Watch out he'll get your TOE!

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^

FIVE little monsters sitting by the door.
One ran away and then there were four.
Four little monsters sitting in a tree

One fell off, and then there were three.
Three little monsters drinking orange brew.
One fell in, and then there were two.

Two Little monsters having lots of fun.
One went home, and then there was one.
One little monster sitting in the sun.
It melted away, and then there was none!

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^


Riddle:
The maker does not want, it the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it.
What is it?

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.
He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint.

A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next week he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your azz & go as a caramel apple!
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^


10 things that could be contrived as sexual; (except on Halloween).

1.  So...What'd you get in the sack?

2. Once you get under the sheet, just start moaning and groaning!

3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!

4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!

5. I got the best piece from that house.

6. Quit screwing around on the porch!

7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling.

8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!

9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.

10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it.

~~~~~~~~~~
^♥^

ROTFLMBO!