My Sweet Polly, with Sputnik
(taken 2 weeks ago)...
(taken 2 weeks ago)...
A sad and long day for me- And Lord only knows how badly I need a nap...
Nothing bad happened. Though I woke with a bloody migraine. Not too bad, but enough to throw me off for a while. I cannot take my pills either as I am scheduled to get 6 more shots in my back this Friday.
I am lonely; and not used to feeling that way. And, Oh My, it was so pretty, and perfect, outside.
I wanted to get out there so damn bad. Just no one to help me do that.
Thankfully though, my week from hell is over- I have now seen more doctors than I ever expected to in my lifetime.
On Tuesday last, I went to see Dr. Izzy, who revealed how I did on the MMPI?-2 testing.
In his own words, he said, (ahem), I had "a very excellent profile"...
He also said that he only needed to clarify a few questions. (There were about 8 of those). So I clarified, and we left. He had been uncertain in the beginning if Casey should hear my answers- I told him that I would not change my answers to accommodate the fact that my youngest child was overhearing it all. (It was nothing she hadn't heard already, anyway). He lauded my honesty.
I really am proud that I have no skeletons where my children are concerned- I was always blatantly honest with them about my own life. Besides, I really don't have anything to hide.
(Now why is that SO freakin' hard for my trainwreck, and others, to understand and/or accept)?
At any rate, I can now wait for the phone call that tells me *when* I will get my pain pump implant. First, they set up a "trial" with it.
Don't ask me about that, I don't know about how that will work yet. (But I do think I'd better reinforce my darn pockets on every pair of pants because if I have to carry it around for a while first, as I have to lug around my TENS Unit, then my pockets will all need help).
* * * That, or my pants will simply fall down if/when I do stand up. (Damned gravity anyway).
Tuesday afternoon found me - (at a sweltering 94+ degrees, with the A/C fubar'ed in my car)- at my primary doctors office.
Another change in meds to try to get the swelling down in my legs- It is called Bumetanide.
From Wikipedia: "Bumetanide is 40 times more potent than Furosemide (for patients with normal renal function).[1]"
I am also to continue the Diurex from over the counter (OTC).
She is also thinking that because of my weight loss (30+ pounds, or 17+% of my body weight) since the beginning of this year "might" be cancer.
Methinks she thinks too much. hehehe
However, they will rule out cancer before proceeding with anything else.
(WHAT?! They rule out the worst scenario first, and work their way down from there)?
Um, ok? (I think)?
I am happy for the 30 pound weight loss- Problem is, I don't know 'where' it is lost from? My jeans, though a bit looser, still fit me fine. Same with the bra... (damn shame that). hehehe
Maybe because I am [supposed to be] 'tall'...
I always giggle when the nurse asks me how "tall" I am. Used to be 5'9+", but with all this sitting (and bending over onto the table or desk just to be able to fall to sleep some nights), who the hell knows how "tall" I am now?!
Personally, I don't want to know.
Course I didn't want this either-
hehehe
No wait. "UGH" fits MUCH better...
(Taken from across the road).
No wait. "UGH" fits MUCH better...
(Taken from across the road).
Thursday was an appointment at the hospital to meet my "nephrologist", (kidney doctor).
He is from India- Both his 1st and last names begin with a "Q"- & with no "u" to follow. Looks odd to see, but interesting too. I recall after reading his medical degree- (1/2 written in English, 1/2 in ?), that I'd wanted to ask him how his name was pronounced, but he was quite the "by the book" type of doctor. All business-.
(And besides, I forgot to ask him once he appeared). Oh well.
Friday found me back at Pain Management for my monthly appointment- She changed my Rx again. Up. I just am not dealing with this all- Not too well anyway.
I still believe that the wrong drug in that infusion given erroneously in March is to blame for this swelling...
But I still have to figure how it all plays together. Help? Please? Anyone?
It seems strange that it would last so very long if it was- Then again, anything is possible in this day and age, especially where/what allergies do.
He will/has set up a Doppler ultrasound of my kidneys. I will need some decent drugs to be able to lie on my back for that. I refuse to do that to myself anymore in this lifetime. They (my doctors) are "SOL" (shit~outta~luck), when it comes to making me lay like that.
Speaking of laying...
I am off to close my eyes for a while.
Keep it down please. :-) hehehe
Hope all is well with all-
XOXO
Me
they should have a table like at a chiro's office, where you are standing up against it and it lays you down automatically as it lowers backwards! no bending or trying to get up and out of it, then they just reverse it for you to be standing up again!
ReplyDeleteyou sound depressed sweet Annie, I remember when I first started getting sick to the point that I could not even work anymore, I was very depressed and worried about what was going to become of me. I dont recall you writing about kidney trouble you are having though, so that worries me. and a reason for you to be bloating too. When I have to take all those stupid ass tests, a pillow under my legs sometimes helps.....they also have foam bridges that they can put under you at the pain sights those help too.. I hate that youre going through this hon
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
What Suzy said....I love that table. I will leave a gentle (hug) for you.
ReplyDeletewelcome to our world... when you need an organizer for your doctors... yeah you are there at the corner of OMG and too many...
ReplyDeleteXOXOXOXOOX
Hi Anne Sweetie....I am so sorry you are going through all this pain and doctors!!! You seem to be very
ReplyDeletefrustrated and fed up with the whole thing. I am sorry for that too. It has been so long since I talked to
you, I do not know what I have told you....so very shortly I will write you a book and catch you up!! Hope
Casey is doing well. I will pray for you tonight (or this morning) when I go to bed. Hugs & blessings...
love you muchly and I will be back. Take care and be safe....xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks Ladies, friends, sisters -and daughters too.
OK, some monikers may fit more than once, or twice...
I believe I fell off my pity pot last night while I slept. (Probably broke something else, but oh well). hehehe
Good Lord, this reads like a Country Song... Maybe I should buy a trailer now.
Bad joke, I know.
Been up half the night- reading and playing a bit of Solitaire too. And every now and then a very chilly muzzle~nuzzle from my best fuzzy furry friends.
I will be trying to mow the lawn today. In part anyway.
And that is, ONLY if I can get the bloody belt on the dang thing.
Love to all
XOXO
Me
PS
A warning...
I came across more than a few interesting things as I read- and listened to the TV in the background.
Some of interest, perhaps only to me, but interesting none the less.
What's with the weight loss Annie? Doesn't sound good (unless the diuretics are finally working..?!?)
ReplyDeleteTake very much care either way..
oh yea, and forget the lawn and let all your beautiful flowers take over.. that's what I did.!
love,
k
It's not the bending- (although that is out of the question too), it is the laying flat on my back. I cannot do that without a few bones making contact with any surface-
ReplyDeleteAnd Baby, that fookin' hurts me real bad.
Maybe that's where I lost the weight from? hehehe All that 'padding' on my backbone, shot to hell.
hehehe
XOXO
Me
I am depressed. Or was, moreso; when I wrote this anyway.
ReplyDeleteJust lots of nothingness- And some days there is more of that emptiness than even I can handle well.
When they did the bone density scan, they didn't have anything, really, that made anything better. The guy tthat did it even felt really bad for me... Grrr.
Yes. I have made up my mind that I hate it too.
XOXO
Me
ReplyDeleteYeah.
What I said to Suzy.
XOXO
me
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think I need some brass knuckles when I see these idiots. (Some anyway).
XOXO
Me
"Frustrated" is a VERY GOOD WORD for how I feel.
ReplyDeleteAngry too. (But that's kinda normal I think). Especially with being so active and somehow necessary my whole life. Now though, if I didn't need to let the damned dog out now, nobody would even need me.
(Yeah, I raised them all too well).
Casey? Odd, but I honestly don't know how Casey is doing. Her doctor gave her some new iron elixir; and she has not been around since I had that appt with Dr. QQ- She texted my computer last night- says she has a pain management appointment for today, and that she also has side effects from the medication.
I think she got tired of coming out to see me too. Though she did lend me their other TV. Let me tell ya, the TV does not even come close to having her here.
XOXO
me
I don't know!
ReplyDeleteLike I said, i don't even know how it happened or whatever. (God knows I have never been on a diet in my life).
Hell, I don't even drink diet sodas-
The neighbors will call the Town of Suamico if I let it grow too long. (Or they come and mow it themselves). hehehe
XOXO
Me
Bite your tongue woman!
ReplyDeleteThere is no place in the world she would rather be than near you. If she says she is having issues she IS.
Do not make me come smack you. Can you imagine how hurt she would be to read that you felt this way?
Still love you but man I didn't like this comment.
XOXOOX
Feel your pain about the temps and the car A/C. I've had none for the past couple of years. I think maybe all it needs is freon...its a 2003 and never had a tune-up. It had oil changes every other month when I was working...needs one now. If I have any money when I'm thru with Bruce's teeth...I'm at $868 +70 on those right now. So...if there is anything left..I will see about someone checking it for me. Drew wanted so badly to check it out last summer but was just too sick to be in the heat for that.
ReplyDeleteThis year is so much hotter at this point..and not enough rain...I get sick some days just going the 1 mile to Bruces store and back. I'm soaking wet with sweat when I get back here..and have to bathe and lay down to recouperate.
I'm sure Casey is adjusting to her new meds. I bet that Iron stuff sucks! Being anmemic bites. I hope this works for her. My Mom has trouble keeping her Iron levels up as well. She has pernicious anemia,I think I spelled that right. She would never leave you alone...she's there with you in spirit always.
And with the grass...let it grow...let them call...them offer them your mower to cut it! Tell them its
there for their use on your lawn..once they get the belt on the darned thing....lol I'm sure once they hear your back issues they could find someone to help you.
Ya'll take care...hugs to all of you. I praying that once the pain pump is in you will recieve the relief you seek and need so badly.
Till later...hugs...kisses..night. Sorry if I rambled...Benedryl makes me drunk..lol
Sweet Pea;
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to like it anymore than I had to like it. But I do believe it is the way it is. And I honestly do not believe that Casey would fall to pieces, or even be hurt for me telling the way I felt it was. Good grief what do you think of her to say this?!
Wake up Sweet Pea.
The truth -REALITY- is that I could have died that week+, and no one would have even found me until...
There were NO emails, texts, phone calls, visits, etc...
OR,
Alternatively, do you wish for me to keep the negative- or what you (or I) might 'perceive' as negative, out of my blog?
All bets are off then Sweets- especially for me.
And not only for what she is living through- but what I am as well. (And yes, I already know how 'selfish that sounds).
Reality TWO.
I am done painting "The Picture Pretty" for all and sundry. The fact of the matter is that real life isn't that way.
Want more *reality* from Flintville?
Casey gets to watch her mother die.
Yes, she loves me, so that is not a fun thing for her to do.
It would be even more wrong if she didn't need 'time off', don't you agree- Even if you really think about it?
XOXO
Me
And yes. I still love you.
I think the world of Casey and know that she would be there with you if she could just as I know you would be there for her if you could.
ReplyDeleteI do not expect you to keep the negative out nor do I expect you to sugar coat anything. You can say anything you like, it is after all your blog.
Casey is as strong as they come. There is no doubt in my mind about that. Her body lets her soul down. She gets that from you.
No one expects you to paint a pretty picture. What you are going through is not easy. What Casey is going through is not easy either. She is sick, she has just been down the road you are on and she knows how difficult it is and yet she gets to sit there sick on the sidelines, wanting to help and not being able to be there for you the way you were there for her. Do you think that sits easy on her? Do you honestly think that this does not crush her?
Yes, I am sure that she wishes for "time off" but I also do not believe that she would EVER take that time off at YOUR expense. I may be wrong, I may be way off base, but I know what she says and I believe her. Just as I believe what YOU say.
Now that that is out of the way.
I do not believe you meant your comment to sound the way it did to me... my comment was a bit of tongue in cheek reprimand that perhaps you said something that sounded very different than you meant it. If I had felt otherwise, you know there would have been a call or a private note not that very public one.
Love you.
XOXOXOOX
And no, it was not selfish to speak of what you are going through....
ReplyDeleteXOXOXOOX