| Rating: | ★★★★ |
| Category: | Other |
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion
hehehe
Have a great Friday!
XOXO
Me
(...groan.....)
ReplyDeleteHehehehe!
ReplyDeleteI can just picture 2 or 3 comedians of the past doing all of those one-liners in graceful form! LOL!
I love things like this Anna, very good ;D
ReplyDeleteI have seen some where on an Opticians Shop on the net:
If you can't see what you want, then you've come to the right place.
lol...very good. good clean laughs are a thing of the past it seems like these days. We turned Drew onto Red Skelton...and he absolutely loves his DVD's and watches them when he can't find anything worth watching on tv.
ReplyDeleteLaughter is also very good medicine.
Have agood weekend...I'm headed to bed!
Thanks for the laughs. It's a great start for my day.
ReplyDeleteA resident of the mental hospital raped a nurse and escaped. The headlines read
ReplyDeleteNUT SCREWS AND BOLTS
A man walks into a tailor shop in Athens and hands a toga to the tailor. The tailor looked at the garment and said, "Euripides?" The man said, "Eumenides?"
ReplyDeleteA lady sticks her head in the door of the barbar shop and says, "Bob Peters in here?"
ReplyDeleteThe barber said, "No ma'am. Just shaves and haircuts."
ReplyDeleteThanks I am ROTFLMAO at those too!!!
XOXO
Me
We can all use a good clean laugh and these qualify. Thank you Dear.
ReplyDeleteA lady gives birth to identical twin boys but due to her financial situation at the time gave them up for adoption. Years later when the boys were fully grown she found out that one of the boys was named Juan and the other Imal.
ReplyDeleteShe managed to make contact with Juan and they finally met.
Afterward she told told her husband, "I just wish I could see Imal."
He said, "Why bother, if you've seen Juan you've seen Imal."
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Then there was the three legged dog who walked in the saloon and said,
"I'm looking for the man who shot my Pa(w)"
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An order of Catholic Monks decided to start selling flowers in an effort to raise some money for their Monastery.
They had the most beautiful flowers and made gorgeous bouquets and soon were causing problems with all the other places in town that sold flowers.
The other folks asked them to shut down, but they wouldn't do it. The the merchants banded together and hired a thug by the name of Hugh McTavis. He went over the Monastery and tore the place up. He trashed the flowers and tore up their gardens and beat up the Monks.
They gave it to the pressure and went out of business.
Which proves "Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars."
I once spent an entire afternoon sitting on big piece of ice when I was fishing in Alaksa. I ended up with polaroids.
ReplyDelete