Good Morning All;
I went in yesterday morning for 6 more shots in my spine...
They didn't work, but I did throw up all of last night.
Not too sure what that is all about? Though I had been having migraine problems, on and off, all of this past week. (Which I could not take my meds for that because of these upcoming shots).
I called Casey when I began barfing- She told me to take two Benedryl; as it makes your meds work better AND, it works as an anti~emetic too. (Glad I called her- At least I learned something). But I couldn't find any Benedryl to save my soul.
I did manage to sleep for about 2 hours- I will try that again soon; though waking up sick is not my cup of tea. (Anyone have a 7-up for me)?
It is not only my back- Unless neck is back- But there is something also wrong with my neck as my little fingers and ring fingers don't feel right. Both hands. (Sometimes they feel nothing- as do the tops of my toes). Mostly it's a sleeping, buzzing, feeling in my fingers. My doctor has already told me that he can do nothing about this.
Casey had hit a bump on our way back home, (admittedly these are impossible to avoid on this road), and my right hip gave an awful pain -as my back seized up at the same time. I don't recall ever making a noise like that in my life. (Sorry Casey, I didn't mean to scare you). Thank God we were so close to home, and off the freeway; or I would have just opened the door and allowed myself to fall out.
This has all progressed from bad to worse so frickin' damned fast that I just don't know what to do anymore. My hips are both killing me today, and my stomach wants food, but I can't feed it either.
Yup the picture above is accurate. This really does suck. I'll be lucky to even keep my pills down today...
Any suggestions?
I go in on Monday for a physical. (This is insurance required for the pain pump 'trial'). I am having that "trial" come the 27th.
We will have to make 4 trips into town that week- and even just thinking about having to do that sucks too. Casey will be bringing me to those.
Casey has been having problems of her own, adjusting to a new elixir. I do hope that those get better before this all has to happen for me. I really have no one else to ask for a ride.
God help me. Starving, and in pain, is no effing way to go through life.
How very odd that I still believe in karma...
Am going to try to sleep a bit now. Have a grand weekend. My love to all
XOXO
Me
image from cafepress.com
POOR BABY--I USE IT TO BUT GINGERALE WORKS TO AND FENNEL TEA ALSO
ReplyDeleteKarma is not always about what you have or have not done... sometimes it is preparing you for the future.
ReplyDeleteSomeday you might look back at this moment and say OH SO THAT was what that was all about....
Maybe someday you might need to counsel someone through the same thing....
but yeah, it does suck. and it DOES make you wonder which deity you offended... been there and DO have the teeshirt.
hope it gets better soon.
XOXOXOXOOX
Pea.
whats goes around......you helping Casey, comes around........Casey helping you!! feel better soon hon.
ReplyDelete6 more shots in my spine...
ReplyDeleteThey didn't work, but I did throw up all of last night.
I couldn't find any Benedryl to save my soul.
(Anyone have a 7-up for me)?
my little fingers and ring fingers don't feel right.
the tops of my toes
My doctor has already told me that he can do nothing about this
This has all progressed from bad to worse so frickin' damned fast
Any suggestions?
4 trips into town that week- and even just thinking about having to do that sucks too. Casey will be bringing me to those.
I really have no one else to ask for a ride.
God help me.
God help me, God help us all. I've no idea how many times I say this, every single day.
Annie, HOW do we keep on going? Does anyone really know what it feels like, when we could use something, (the Benedryl), but we don't have any, & can't go out & get it? Why in the HELL are you getting these shots when they don't work?
I order little 5.5oz cans of Gingerale online; I wanted one over ice so badly last night. My stomach was upset & it was muggy & smothering in here...I no longer have the strength to open the windows!!
I just wonder, does you Dear Doctor tell you WHY your fingers & toes feel like that? I'd want to know.
SO FRIGGIN' DAMNED FAST.
Yes, & one thing on top of another, fibro, COPD (I still don't believe), fungus OR cellulitis, osteoarthritis from Coumadin (I'm told), & somewhere in the bloody medical records, congestive heart failure has showed up. (THAT would be the non-existent COPD where my lungs were perfectly clear!)
Suggestions?
I won't be frivolous, I won't say....♪ O! But there are so many other beautiful things in life!! ♪
BS.
I understand there's something I could do with the pilot light in the central heating furnace? Carbine monoxide?? I think Smilja & I would just go peacefully to sleep. Except, PG&E demanded I've gotta have a CM alarm. It would go off like crazy, but worse, (I believe), this unit would go up in flames because of the oxygen tanks, as well as those around it.
Well. I "murdered" the smoke alarms PG&E installed when I told them I'd never be able to reach them when the batteries went out! When they ran out & screeched..I murdered them with long, strong outdoor grill skewers. I could do that to the CM. I could have the oxygen removed.
But hey, don't even talk about suicide, it depresses some people.
I don't have anyone to ask for a ride. But I found a place that will get me into my wheelchair, down to the vehicle & to the doctor, & wait for me & bring me home. I don't even have to pay them, because I'm so poor, but there are a very limited amount of trips a year that I'm allowed.
I can say, things should never have come to this, if I'd had competent doctors. But I didn't, & here I am...a CRIPPLE...& where do I go from here?? Annie, where do WE go from here?
Annie and Scootch, I don't know how you two do it, if I was alone I'm pretty sure I'd have to go into a home because I wouldn't be able to take care of myself. I do have a good friend, Bonnie, who would help me, but I wouldn't want to ask her because she already has enough to do taking care of her daughter (the daughter who has the pancreas problem, Annie). I also have neighbors and other friends who would help, but I wouldn't take their help unless I could pay them. Bonnie would probably beat me up if I offered to pay her :-D
ReplyDeleteAnnie, I'm so hoping that pain pump is going to help you tremendously, and I wish they'd hurry up and give it to you. The doctor told you he can't help you with the sleeping, buzzing, feeling in your fingers, did he tell you what was causing that?
That's a good idea to order stuff Online Scootch (and Annie), I do that myself and it's a great help. I like amazon, they have some pretty good prices and a lot of time the shipping is free.
Scootch, I don't get depressed when someone talks about suicide. I do have empathy and I think I can understand when someone feels so bad that suicide is the only way to escape the pain, someday I may feel the same way myself. I'm not a very religious person so I guess I'm just selfish, I just don't want my friends Online or in real life to commit suicide, I'd miss them.
Scootch, you can feel free to talk about it around me anytime you need to. I been where you are. I went through the most horrible time in my life alone. I drove myself across ridiculous distances to get treatment and drive myself home after even though it was not allowed and I had to sneak around to do it.
ReplyDeleteThere were many days where I thought it would be easier to just give up. Somehow, I made it through. I figure that there was a reason I went through that..... oddly enough like I just told mom below... maybe it was to be here to understand YOU.
*hugs*
Good to hear that you are getting the pain pump. I always wished they'd put Drew on one. If Bruce's back fusion hadn't worked as well as it did we were going to request a pain pump. His Dr was agreeable. His surgery was a success...when HE doesn't act like "Superman" at work...silly man.
ReplyDeleteBelieves he must show the "youngin's" he can work circles around them...and he can..he just pays for it...or I do..thats the bad part.
8 more days...and I pray that this pain pump is the God send you need so much. Sorry Casey is having more issues. Its hard to watch..or read about. Makes me wish I lived up that way..maybe I should have Bruce realign his "gobal preferences" and include your area...lol He'd think I lost my
mind..lol I can't take all that cold weather. My poor behind would never leave the house...lol
You have a wonderful weekend! We are working thru another 1st. Fathers Day..Bruce works..so that
will be helpful..keeping him busy.
xoxo..me
Sharon, the truth is that I don't do it. This isn't making it, this isn't even living. I don't eat properly, There's dust over everything & I can't even remember the last time the carpet was vacuumed. That isn't healthy for Smilja, or me. What I must do is done at a great cost of more pain, & lately, the consequences not even being able to use my hands or arms at all for over an hour before I get up in the morning the next day.
ReplyDelete"I'm pretty sure I'd have to go into a home because I wouldn't be able to take care of myself."
Hmm. I know what County homes are like. No matter what I have to do, I'll never go to one.
I, too have one good friend who would help me...if she could. She can't drive, & lives some distance away. She's not in good health either, but she's mobile, & strong. The truth is that I don't want to be dependent on anyone. As you said: "I also have neighbors and other friends who would help, but I wouldn't take their help unless I could pay them." I don't know any of the neighbours anyway, but I wouldn't mind hiring someone, if I could pay, but I can't squeeze out another dime.
"The doctor told you he can't help you with the sleeping, buzzing, feeling in your fingers, did he tell you what was causing that?" I wondered about that, too. It sounds like nerve damage? I'd want at least to know.
I only know of one place to order online, & that's Safeway...where I get food & household stuff. Two problems with that are, you have to order $50. worth before tax, delivery & gas surcharge. To save on the charges, I try to order a little over two weeks worth, but if I forget something, tough luck. Also, fresh fruit & vegetables don't last.
Sharon, I'm glad you don't get depressed when someone talks about suicide. If we're going to be open with each other, it's also part of life. I'm not at all 'religious' & I have no problem with it, I don't think I would anyway. I think that when it comes right down to it, feeling sad about anyone's death has really only to do with US, & our missing them. 'They' aren't here to care! That's an okay way to feel, too!
Gawwwwwd, Anna! you are going through too much pain and misery right now, this is just awful! I am so sorry I wish there was something that I could do for you. I will say some prayers and hope that helps! {{hugs}}
ReplyDeleteHugs back, DeeAnne. I'm so glad you 'made it through!'
ReplyDeleteI drove my husband to radiation every night...to a hospital in a different city. I was at home, following the ambulance, at ER & hospital, everywhere he was day & night except for one weekend when the oncologist said he was keeping Gordon in hospital over the weekend so I could get some rest, & I wouldn't be allowed to see him even if I showed up. Amazing.
I've sometimes thought that if one of us had to go, so much better that he was first..he'd never have known how to deal with ME!
My reflexes, my vision, my mental ability to drive are very much the same as always. But it's a physical impossibility. I couldn't even get down to the car.
Sweetie, I don't think it's ever 'easy' to give up! Especially for someone so determined, unrelenting, caring & bullheaded! The point really is...
I have nothing to give up.
Now I'm past my limit for today, & I must say goodnight.
11:50p here...Annie dear, I hope you're sleeping peacefully.
ReplyDeleteAnne, reading your blog above I wanted to crawl in a hole for whining about the broken rib I got last week. I am guessing you'd trade all your sorrows in a sec for the lil discomfort I've got right now. Anywho, I love you and miss you.. and if i could, I'd send you all the health and prosperity that you so sorely deserve.
ReplyDelete