My wicked house... on the news?!? hehehe

No caption required....

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Good Morning Everyone!


I had a great weekend, save for the nasty migraine that insinuated itself in the midst of everything else.
By now you have all seen Casey's interview on the news.
(CLICK HERE if you have not)...

But I would like to fill you in on what lead up to her spot in the news.
hehehe

A phone call for Casey from Channel 26 as soon as I had just gotten out of the shower...
I found myself praying and thinking, "Please let this be what she needs to get her story out"...

It was.
But as she hung up she calmly says, "They will be here in an hour."

An hour?
Here?
As in 60 minutes... (or less)?

And who is this 'they' anyway??? (Kris Engebretsen and his photographer)...

Photographer?!?!?
(Who the hell invited a photographer)?

One freakin' short HOUR ????

Lordy, will you just LQQK AT MY danged HOUSE!?!

Anxiety crawls up my spine...
Breathe Anne, breathe.

Inhale. Exhale. x 25...

Give up. (I don't have time to breathe)!

Take Xanax.

• My dishes are in the sink... (They must get hidden someplace. I hide them).
• There is dust all over... (A quick swipe of a towel here and there).
• I smoked a cigarette earlier... (Turn on the fan over the stove).
• There are papers all over the tables. (Fill up a grocery bag, two, and throw them in the back room).

Wait!

• There is stuff all over my little computer table out here. (Find still another grocery bag).
• Casey's laptop on the entrance rug. (Throw in back room, close door).
• Casey's stuff on the stairwell. (She carried up- I have NO idea what it looks like up there)...
• I fell asleep on the couch Thursday night... (Straighten linens, fluff pillows, and put new cover on).
• I need to get dressed. (Throw clothes on quickly. Forget to zip up).
• Dog toys all over. (Throw dog out. Hide toys).
• Dog hair... (Scoop up a few handfuls and toss into garbage).
• Dog feeder needs cleaning. (Omit cleaning. Just fill food dish to the very top).
• Something stinks... (It ain't me). Take garbage and recycles out...
• Something still stinks. (Remember that 'stink' does not show up on the news).

Breathe Anne, breathe.

'Stink' is still there.
WT Freakin' H?

• Entrance needs new rugs. (Scatter a few about).
• Sorted laundry is on bathroom floor. (Carry it, and the hamper, to back entrance; and very unceremoniously toss it all on the floor).

'Stink' was not within the laundry.
(But wait, I do not smell it anymore either).

Wait... WHAT ABOUT OUTSIDE???

• Doggie doo~doo? (Nope. Thank the powers that be that I had removed it all the day before).
• Lawn needs mowing. (Too bad, so sad, that's not gonna happen).

Forget about 'out'side. Look around house...

• Chairs need straightening. (Straighten quick, brush crumbs to floor~ and cover with matching blankets).
• Windows need cleaning. (Pull down blinds, turn on lights).
• Piano needs dusting. (Grab dust towel. Sneeze. Straighten a few things up top).
• Sewing machine on cupboard. (Put on wooden cupboard top in dining room).
• I need makeup. (No. I don't).
• Yes, I do. (No, I don't).
• Shelves in kitchen need cleaning... (What now? I am hearing something)...

... ???

... ???

... ???


The dogs seem to be barking and growling at strangers in the yard.

Strangers? ...

What strangers???

Casey proudly announces, "They are here."

What???

 

...and exactly WHO is the "they" that are "here" ???

*** It sure as hell can't be Channel 26 news, because it sure as hell hasn't been an hour since he'd called...

But it is.

I greet them at the door, trying to smile, and ask are they allergic to cats or dogs? (I hoped they would say "Yes" ~maybe turn around and go straight home ? )...

...But they say, "No. We love cats and dogs." (Damn).

The photographer sets up in the dining area. (I threaten his life if he shows a speck of dust on the news)...

• I quietly resign myself to having the worst home,
  EVER,
  on the news (or anyplace else for that matter)...

They position themselves in the dining room, and begin to talk between themselves; (Casey, Mr. Engebretsen and that darned photographer)...

Casey gets wired for sound, tucking the microphone into her collar.

Me? I am just 'wired'...

• ...I go to the stove, smoke another cigarette, making sure it all goes outside through the fan. (It doesn't work. I consider running away)...
• Punk is still outside. (I bring her into the entrance, ever so quietly, and threaten her life if she barks just once)...
• She stays put. (Plopping herself down on those clean rugs).
• But, where is the cat??? ~No problem. (Sputnik is climbing in the window, on the wooden cupboard in the dining room where I had tossed my sewing machine).

WHAT!?!?

The photographer is laughing his butt off at this. (Cat removed, put in bathroom. Door closed).

And if you have watched this already, you KNOW the rest of the story.


I must close for now, (and maybe get my damned dishes out of the oven).

More, on my Mothers Day weekend, later.
I promise you, it gets better. (Doesn't it)?
hehehe

Love to all.

XOXO
Anne

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Originally posted to my Y360, Monday May 12, 2008 - 07:42am (CDT) 40