What the hey...
I began writing this on Mothers Day.
Happy Fookin' Mothers Day to me.
I raised 4 daughters, basically alone. I would also like to believe that I had a hand in shaping Reianna and Daniels worlds too
Hey boys, the child support means very little compared to having a real father.
My 1st ex, (whom I disrespectfully call "AssFace")- not only left the US, he left me with a 3 year old, a 2 year old, and a newborn.
Ordered to pay $600.00/month child support, he of course left that obligation behind.
The US had no jurisdiction in Germany at the time.
(Since it has ceased to be important to me when he returned to the states, specifically Michigan- I have no idea if one can collect now).
My 2nd ex- also has violently (and loudly) complained about having to pay child support.
How would I have known that with my last divorce, as with my first, both "fathers" had also divorced their children?
Maybe if these sperm donors had actually known their daughters, they wouldn't have felt so poorly.
Besides, anyone who collects child support knows the feeling of being reduced to dollars and cents. (The "Hooker~Aspect" of a divorce when children are involved).
Yes! My heart tells me to forgive and forget.
I have always had a problem doing so. (Not so much one, but the other). hehehe
And yes, I did everything that needed to be done. ON MY OWN. No excuses expressed or implied.
It was tough, but we had fun. Truly we did.
So how has it come to the fact that none of them are here on Mothers Day?
Let me say that Casey is excused. Greg has been very sick- missing Thursday and Friday work. (Not like him). And whatever he has I do not care to have.
NOTE: Added 5/18/10... YES! Casey showed up on Mom's Day. Even though she was the only one who probably shouldn't have been out driving!
And Casey, you have NO IDEA what that meant/MEANS to my heart.
Time was, (a long time ago), that I was so smirky that I actually believed it would be days like this that my table would be filled to needing many extra chairs. (Perhaps even an extra table or two)?
Odd- that as time has passed, I can not only toss the dining room table, I can also lose the high chairs. Those, that I had held onto- From "pasghetti faces" to all the rest of the stained clothing and seats...
But it was all worth it, I told myself. The tough times would pass, and with all these children, I would never be alone; most especially on these days. It is just one of the things I had dreamed of back when.
♫
...If your time to you is worth savin' -
Then you better start swimmin' -Or you'll sink like a stone.
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come mothers and fathers -
Throughout the land -
And don't criticize -
What you can't understand...
♫
...If your time to you is worth savin' -
Then you better start swimmin' -Or you'll sink like a stone.
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come mothers and fathers -
Throughout the land -
And don't criticize -
What you can't understand...
♫
And it's these days that I am complaining. Sinking like that proverbial stone.
And it is because I do not understand.
I have never been told the "why" of it all. If anyone knows, please let me know?
I have never kept these children from their father(s).
Besides, anyone that knows any of my daughters will know that there is NO trying to keep them from anything if it is within their hearts to do something.
Comes The Trainwreck. chugga chugga choo choo
To fill you in:
- Jenné called me on Mothers Day.
- Zoé is getting married.
- Jenné is Matron of Honor Zoé's eldest friend Sarah is Maid of Honor.
- Not sure if Roberta will be standing, going, or even if she is invited. Last I heard, from one of her most recent Facebook entries was that she had just gotten out of jail.
Jenné called me on Mothers Day. In the course of that conversation she let me know that Aaron's mom was going to be watching Wyatt while she was in Wisconsin. Either she leaves him in Texas, or she "would have to pay a babysitter for 4 days straight."
Isaiah's father, Brad, will have Isaiah for the duration of her visit and for 6 weeks after (to the best of my knowledge).
Baby Wyatt.
I have never met this grandson of mine- He was born in Texas last October.
Jennifer does know I cannot lift Baby Wyatt for any extended period of time. (Thus she knows better than to ask me to care for him fr 4 days straight).
My invitation to this wedding must have gotten lost in the mail. hehehe (We all know better than that). While I couldn't give a shit about the wedding etc, it would have been nice to have at least gotten an invite so I could attempt to sell it on eBay or Craig's List. (Dead serious).
Again in the course of the conversation with Jenné, I did tell her that since I won't be meeting Wyatt it seemed like such a wasted trip.
I did not raise my voice. And I stated it very matter~of~factly.
Later that day, Jennifer told Casey that I had "yelled" at her. Honestly, has she really forgotten "how" I can really "YELL"?
She also never told Casey she wasn't bringing Wyatt, just that she was "working on it.").
WTF/H?
Clicking on my own Trainwreck Tag, you will see that Zoé lost her marbles about 3 and a half years ago.
Jenné has always followed her big sissies suit. (They are 14 months apart).
Zoé will be 33 next month. Jenné will be 32 this summer. Berta will be 30 in July.
Roberta's recent entry on Facebook was this:
"Free at last, free at last. Lord almighty, I am free at last. Jail sucks by the way. don't go there!"
Jennifer's own MOTHERS DAY entry on Facebook (posted after she'd called), was this:
"The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes one a mother—which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician."
That my own blood-cousin replied in kind was devastating to my heart soul.
But I digress.
But hey, Talk about a kick in the teeth!
Was it really all worth it?
To you who are reading and receiving, know that you are my most trusted and intelligent family and friends. And I know that I have already asked questions in this note, but the real question is this...
...When is a 'child' old enough to stop lying?
Blessings to all who receive, read, and reply to this.
XOXO
Me
♫ And baby, I remember
All the things you taught me
I learned how to laugh
And I learned how to cry~
Well I learned how to love
Even learned how to lie~
You'd think I could learn
How to tell you goodbye
'cause you don't bring me flowers anymore ♫
All the things you taught me
I learned how to laugh
And I learned how to cry~
Well I learned how to love
Even learned how to lie~
You'd think I could learn
How to tell you goodbye
'cause you don't bring me flowers anymore ♫
And this is the reason some mothers in the wild eat their young ...
ReplyDeleteThis whole "motherhood" experience has truly left me with a bad taste in my mouth, so I won't be going there.
ReplyDeleteYou were right by the way, way back when I had written about Jennifer coming to stay here last Summer.
... I should have listened.
hugs sweet Annie and holds on tight, you gotta know I know exactly what youre going through with my own kids all the same. I taste the same fowl horrible taste in my own mouth hon. We need to concentrate on finding our own happiness , while hoping for the best for our children, let them go, as our life can begin now free of them.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, let me start this off with a hug as tight as you can stand for as long as you need.
ReplyDeleteHello Dear Annie,
Yes, you can still collect all that back support. The ages of the children does not negate the obligation. I have a friend whose children are in their 40's and he is still responsible for getting his back support paid. It would be nice to see the sperm donors have to give up some green. It's good for the soul if nothing else.
I realize reading this how blessed I was to receive phone calls from all three of my children. Even my only son who is in jail. My heart goes out to you.
IMHO it would only be right for Jenne to at least let you see Baby Wyatt for a bit if she's going to be in WI anyway. Alright, so you can't watch him for four days straight. Does that mean you can't even look in his little face or hold him for a little while? If I hurt you saying I think she's being selfish then I am sorry and hope you forgive me. It hurts to see another Mother who has sacrificed so much for her children hurting.
As far as not receiving the invitation, I don't know what to say. I DO know how it would hurt me and I can only assume it hurts you as well and as badly. After last summer, it surprises me not at all that she accused you of "yelling" at her for speaking your mind.
As far as Jenne's barb of mother's and children goes, having children makes one a Mother just as much as making children makes one a Father. Her's obviously being such a sterling example. I cannot imagine you being anything other than a good Mother. You obviously are willing to give up just about anything for your children. You raised them well and it is not a lack in you that has made them the way they are. You are truly blessed with Casey. It's obvious she loves her Mommy and her early training and support you have shown her has not only stuck but is coming back to you in spades.
Your question"When are they old enough to stop lying?", when they are old enough to accept their past, their present and to want to share their future with those that love them. They also have to be willing to be mature enough to Want to stop lying and hurting.
My love comes to you through this screen and I can only wish, hope and pray that your older three come to remember that you are their Mother and their friend. No matter what, you will always be their Mother and nothing they say or do can ever change that.
OXOX,
Snotball
Oh, you know that I have long since not lost any (more) sleep over it all.
ReplyDeleteBut I still feel as though I deserve an honest explanation- Or how about a dishonest one?
Anything.
I do wish them all the best!
Still, I also know what "karma" is and how embittered it can/will leave them.
They could have saved themselves so much pain just by being honest. -Lord knows I would be also. (Maybe that is what they are afraid of)?
So how to let it all go?
Explain that is what I am doing? And mean it?
And sever the ties that bind (and gag)?
In my heart of hearts I do know that would be for the best...
There are times I feel those 3 took everything good from me.
My exes, both of them, will be at the wedding...
ReplyDeleteWhat if I would have walked away then, all those years ago like they did-
-Would these kids love me now... ?
ReplyDeleteThis is SOOOOO very TRUE!
ReplyDeleteWhy would you hurt ME by saying Jenne is selfish? I know it is the truth.
Myself, (and God knows), that I did not ever show them how to be selfish. I did what almost any mother would do- I went without.
And I do not say that looking for a pat on the back. It is just the way I am.
I know how "irrational" we, as Mother's, can be sometimes. It's ok for US to say something negative about our children, but no one else better, LOL. I'm very glad you understood what I meant.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteNo. I cannot.
I tried when I got all my finances in order.
Assface wrote to the clerk of courts, and (somehow) had it all forgiven. $45,000 PLUS.
(So help me God, and with God AS my witness, if C of C ever comes after me for any assistance I may have received back then, I promise that my mouth WILL make the National News.
Their explanation? They said they could not locate me.
A whole buch of bullshit because at that time I had been living on Jaworski Road for almost 10 years, and I was in their system for getting my 2nd divorce. (Not to mention being in the damned phone book).
They knew where I was. They just wrote it off!
ReplyDeleteThat you are!
Know too that I have a very good friend on here, Val, (xmascometh), that has just returned from her sons wedding in the UK.
I have not even been able to read about that wedding... yet.
I will. Just that I know it will be hard.
Oh, Annie, I'm SO sorry. I wonder how he convinced them to write it off?
ReplyDeleteAnna, I dont know, I only know that I only ever see my eldest two if they want something ( usually money). We can only do our best and be the people we are, if that isnt good enough for them then not much we can do about it. Im not sure if I hope they dont ever feel this kind of pain or if really I want them to know exactly how much it hurts.
ReplyDeleteLike you my ex has never paid a penny in support, but never fails to remind my youngest of everything he does for him (This being a child that has seen him 4 times in the last 5 years), I dont know if protecting them from the reality of their father has benefited them or not , right now it just feels like it benefited him.
Im sending you hugs and best wishes.
ReplyDeleteYou made me chuckle at your truth and observation! Thank you
ReplyDeleteI did what I could. They were never hungry, cold or naked.
AND they knew always that they were loved by at least one parent.
Maybe I just made them feel that one parent is all they need at any given point in time?
And yet, I raised them ALL the same.
ReplyDeleteI was tough. It's a rough world out there.
(But I was no tougher on any one of them than I was on another)?
They all had the same training and the same support. If they say otherwise, they are still lying.
And oh my god how I abhor the lying!
ReplyDeleteSo my next question becomes, when does THAT happen?
ReplyDeleteI find a certain sense of guilt of agreeing with this statement...
ReplyDeleteUnderstand it?
Not hard. I live it.
He said he couldn't afford it.
ReplyDeleteToo bad.
He left his good pay job and took off for Germany. This was HIS choice. Why should I, or the girls, be the ones to suffer?
That he never could find anything as good, (lazy bum), or as decent, is not our fault.
Unfortunately it may not happen until it comes full circle and bites THEM in the butt with one of their children. Remember what you said about Karma. What goes around comes around.
ReplyDeleteI am not torn about that at all.
ReplyDeleteI know I want them to feel this also.
I want them to experience the bewildering thoughts.
I want them to know every aspect of what it is I lived through because of them.
I just wouldn't want them to know it for years at a time.
This is not "bitter" speaking.
It is a fact from my heart. (And if that makes me less than a mothers heart, then so be it).
As far as money goes, they (all three) owe me OODLE$ of money.
Ton$ of money.
I would be happy with their checks in the mailbox...
Not sure about Zoe, but I know that Jenne and Roberta both owe Casey money as well...
Grrr...
""Your question"When are they old enough to stop lying?", when they are old enough to accept their past, their present and to want to share their future with those that love them."
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better... love you Anne.
kris
ReplyDeleteI did do the protection thing with Casey, and even now continue to do so... (But now that she is 23, and can see for herself, she calls me on it when I even think to open my mouth about not saying bad things etc etc etc)... hehehe
Heck she told me which end was up with her father by the time she was 8.
Kids are smart.
Even at 8.
ReplyDeleteI love you also Sweet SissyKrissiePoo!
More than you will ever know!
XOXO
Me
Nope it doesn't make you less of a mother, it makes you human, which is something our children seem to forget whenever it is convenient for them
ReplyDeleteat birth,.
ReplyDeleteOh Anna, It's so long since you talked about this that I almost hoped it'd resolve itself. You've obviously had a load of other worries that were much more important at the time (Casey's operations). It's amazing the amount of life's burdens some people have to carry and you seem to have amassed more than most.
ReplyDeleteYou are, without doubt one of the strongest people I've ever known. Some of the things you've had to cope with would've flattened a full grown rhinoserus.
And in answer to your question = Not a day too soon. xxxx
When is a child old enough to stop lying?? LOL! I ask that same question of my son. He will be 35 on July 2nd. And he lies as easy as he breathes. He always has and yet he STILL thinks he can pull the wool over his moms eyes! I always know when he is lying.
ReplyDeleteBut Anne....I believe our kids are just born to be "who they are" regardless of what we have done with their raising.
There are kids that have had an easy life and had great parents and those kids can turn out to be bad people as adults. And then there are those who had it tough, was beaten to within an inch of their life by their parents and they turned out to be the best people ever. Not all, of course.
But HOW we turn out, depends on each of us individually. I think this may be where some of that "free will" comes into play. Some are grateful for the bad things that happened to them and use it in a positive way. And then there are those who sees everything....even the good stuff...as being an infringement upon their rights to deny any instruction or authority over them.
I guess the short of it all is ......"We do the best we can and then the rest is us to them."
oh Anna, I am so sorry to hear of this, it makes me so very sad. {{hugs}} why children do OR don't do things is one question I will never figure out. a mother's love for their children is so deep in our veins and when children remember things differently, how we can try to break through and make them understand our truth, is one thing we can only hope and pray for. yes, there certainly should have been calls made at the very least, or a card sent in the mail. just a thought for you, write each child a letter from the heart, telling them how much you love them and miss them in your life, let them know the door is always open and one day you hope that they will remember the good times of the past. at least you will have done all that you can. I feel so bad for you this is just so sad. you are a terrific mother and we can all see that from your blogs and through your relationship with Casey. please know you are loved by us too! XOXOX
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI know I did that to them myself. Just by refusing to cry in front of them when I was down or upset, or or or...
And I kept lots from them, but that was little things that should have had no bearing on their day to day existence of homework and boys. Perhaps it taught them to overlook the human factor- the feelings. MY feelings.
And that they have proved now to be able to do quite well.
ReplyDeleteHmmm
I wished that by now it had resolved itself. Clearly it has not.
ReplyDeleteAs far as burdens go- My own Faith has taught me that I "chose" all this long before I was even conceived.
(That I also "chose" how it turns out seems to be beside the point when I want them to grow up now).
I am strong. You will get no arguments there.
But know that I do not want to be that, any more. It was a good run, and now I just want to be needy or stupid.
Not a day too soon is reasonable. But it is sad too.
XOXO
Me
As I had written in an earlier comment, I promise to get to your sons wedding as soon as I can.
I think that some people the lies actually bother- and to some it makes no nevermind.
ReplyDeleteI do not fall in the latter category. Lies have always turned my blood around. Especially since Mary was the one who taught me that truth, time and time and time again where mom was concerned.
It is a conflict to society to believe that they are who they are. But conflict or not, I agree with you on kids being who they are. It also further makes these "choices" of ours our own- and solidifies the idea that, even for them, our lives were mapped out long before.
There is every conceivable way to raise kids- and every conceivable way not to. Methinks that we need only to allow them to live their own lives out too.
But damn!, that hurts sometimes.
Know too that I will go to my grave knowing I believe your last sentence. I know I did my level best.
you know what I left out Sweet Annie.....I was a child who because I was miserable in my own adult life, how it was going, how unsuccessful I was at following my dreams, I made it my moms fault and found fault in the way she raised me to justify why I was a total train wreck. her lack of love towards me, her ignoring me , she , she , she, instead of looking within my self to find out why I am who I am. lol if that makes sense, its easier to blame others on our failures then to take responsibility for them.. As I aged and went through more lifes lessons with my own adult children, I realized I hurt my mother for no reason and to this day I keep trying to make it up to her, I still feel shes a bit untrusting of my love for her now because I was so rotten to her, I pray that she forgives me fully before its too late. So when I said we need to let them go, its because their love and lifes lessons will bring them back to us. we are their mothers Sweet Annie , they will find a greater respect for us when theyve walked in our shoes for a bit. xoxoxoxox
ReplyDeleteI included the link to my previous 'trainwreck' entries to give you a bit of a perspective on the hate that emanates.
ReplyDeleteWhile I get a Christmas card from Jennifer, my own to Zoe have never been returned in kind.
And Berta? Lord, I never do have an address for her so...
So am I going to beat that dead horse anymore? Nope. I respect myself more than that.
XOXO
Me
Oh thank you for such a wonderful and honest story. It means a lot to know that someone else knows this abject feeling of "nothing."
ReplyDeleteYou didn't say for how long you didn't speak?
I am not sure I would ever trust them again either. You are right, it takes an army of goodness to make that happen.
ReplyDeleteMethinks from now on I will call you Troublemaker.
ReplyDeleteClick Here for Messages Comments
Hope things change for the best soon. All three of my kids bought me beautiful gifts and called me
on Mother's Day. I was very happy about that. But there are times when they try to see how far
they can go. Those times have well prepared me for days when they are not so great and they know if they ask me anything I will tell the truth.
Hi Mommy,
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how to answer the many questions that pain your heart every time Mother's Day or anything like it rolls around... I do not know why these older three tend to want to hurt you, nor do I know when they will all stop lying...
Something's gotta give at some point... It just has to, especially since you were a wonderful mother!! Not only did you provide us with the essentials in life, but you supplied us with each and every tool and instruction/examples we needed to be a great person. It was just up to us to actually use those tools appropriately. Unfortunately, each of the three eldest of my sisters seem to have used those tools to their own selfish needs and never once thought of others along the way.
Know that I, too, am hurt by all of this. Granted, it's no where near the pain that a mother feels when her own child abandons and hurts her, but it is a pain that comes with being the one to unveil the truth that caused the whole train-wreck. I KNOW that you're going to say that the truth would've eventually come out anyway, but I can't help but wonder how many more pain~free Mother's Days later that would've been... However, I can't kid myself into thinking that my heart could've been capable of keeping the truth away from you, no matter how painful it was...
I don't know... I just wish things were different... Wish you had more to count on that a sick 23 year old who can barely help you out... (But wishing isn't my particular area of expertise, Lord knows I have wished/prayed for health many times and that still has yet to show completely... I'm getting there, though...)
I do know that everyone's right to say that someday Karma is going to come their way and kick some serious ass and take down names... I only hope you're still alive to see it happen and to know that your loss has also equated to their loss at some degree... I know it won't make you feel better, but it might lessen the load a bit to know that someone with some power is looking out for you and squaring things up! (Personally, I can't WAIT for that day to come... They have so many lessons to learn. I know I'm younger, but this constant battle for my own health has taught be a thing or two about what to appreciate the most in life... And it sure as hell is NOT top on that list to appreciate those fathers who were so quick to desert you without a second glance back... UGH!!!
Okay, fighting back tears now which have been spilling out since reading your post... (And am starting to lose vision in the screen through them...) Just know that I love you and I feel your pain along with you... Just pray to God that I could make it better for you... Wish that I could take that pain and make it my own so that you don't have to feel it...
I love you forever and ever, MUCH MUCH!!!!
~CaseyAnne
Rest assured Anna I will be back to read the rest of this, it is sad to me so far, you are a CHAMPION my friend; I'll be back my eyes are forcing themselves closed
ReplyDeleteRe: http://flintville.multiply.com/journal/item/1003
ReplyDeleteWhile I was at Wouters the other day, Gary told me he would see me Friday. And with a wink.
This, as I was leaving, and after we had spoken about these trainwreck kids of mine.
Having known Gary since high school, and having worked for him for 2 decades, I can only guess that the wedding party 'dinner' is there in the Fireplace Room.
While I am a wee bit torn since Tuesday- Just to sit there amongst my many friends that go there, I am not like that.
But hey, ya gotta love Gary for throwing that in for me.
XOXO
Me
LOL!
ReplyDeleteSend a strip-o-gram....
ReplyDeletePea
Think real hard about this one.
What, would lead you to believe that I would spend money on a naked man FOR SOMEONE ELSE?
XOXO
Mama D
This has been a very SAD post for me to read my dear friend Anna, you are a CHAMPION in my eyes for looking after and raising your children by yourself my friend; There are a lot of totally useless men out there Anna as well as women by the looks of things; how could they not show up, send a card or phone at the appropriate time for you. Some people really don't know what goes into being a mother
ReplyDelete"When is a 'child' old enough to stop lying?" there a trick to knowing that I learnt it in the Forces with prisoners and staff and still use it these days to read people like a book; be it in person or on, dare I say any web page one may have. I gave this very secret to another friend on here Anna her name is Blue you'll see her on my page sometimes; I also gave it to another person who ended up closing down a whole Ning Site because of it and what she learnt.
I truly honestly feel for you in my heart about this blog and it is very irresponsible of those involved it has given me a few tears ( Yes I have a heart )
Sorry that I confuse you sometimes my mind is in such turmoil over the last week with the tastes and smells of an impending Seizure
All I can imagine is that you look at Casey and see an Angle
They pay a man to be naked in front of women? No one ever told me that I got zip, zilch, nothing.
My siblings forgot my 50th but hey no big deal there.
There are many people who shine in this world that I am sure God uses as an example Anna and you for sure are one of them.
xox
I didn't say to send a man..... but I also didn't say you couldn't watch!
ReplyDeleteXOXOOXOx
Pea
HAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a guy. (If I can't touch, then what good is it)?
XOXO
me
Don't be sad Mr Lester;
ReplyDeleteI already know you have a heart- or you would not be on my friends list.
Every now and then I find that I cannot concentrate on anything when I have crap like this stuck on my mind and in my heart.
If I write about it, it makes me feel better and I can move on, and past it all. Somehow sharing it helps a lot.
Casey IS an angel. She would have it no other way.
XOXO
Me
So what IS that secret anyway???
My Dear Sweet Casey;
ReplyDeleteYou do not ever need to answer any of my silly questions.
Knowing you love me is, and will always be, enough for me.
You didn't need it, but to add to the "wonderful of you", you got sick.
You carry it so well, and it has taught me much, right along with yourself.
I love you.
ForeverMORElonger.
XOXO
Mama D.
good point.
ReplyDeleteSo what IS that secret anyway ? Anna I will; be Writing it down in a blog for just for you; shall be ready by weeks end; it's will only be a rough gauge for you on how to read people. I still find this very sad Anna, I adopted Julies daughter when she was three; nothing but love between us.
ReplyDeleteYour Quotes below
" What, would lead you to believe that I would spend money on a naked man "
and "
HAHAHA! I'm not a guy. (If I can't touch, then what good is it)? "
From me
I filled the room Anna and yes women do touch and scream; Innocent, pure and wholesome females my Butt, hahahaha LOL
ReplyDeleteYour words describe (almost) ALL of my friends.
hehehe
XOXO
Me
If I truly listen to my 'guts', all is well. My intuition has not been wrong.
ReplyDeleteThe problem comes from not always paying attention.
XOXO
me
PS
My 2nd ex also adopted my eldest three daughters. (This because their 'sire' had never even made an attempt to contact them- Not for their birthdays, not for holidays. Not for any reason).
Still and all, # 2 (hehehe) divorced them too once I served him with divorce papers. WTF?
I can think of a thousand foul mouth words to use for people like that however;
ReplyDeleteFor one person ( Casey ) their absence was probably a God send ?.
Off to bed now Anna have a glorious day my friend ;-)