Adding Salt. To Salt???

Isn't it ugly?
So tired of winter.

Hi all;

Or hi someone?

Anyone?

Oh, holy carp, but I swear I don't know how to blog anymore. (Heck with that, I barely even can type anymore either). hehehe

Life goes on.

It's has been a miserably l~o~n~g winter- My wonderful plow guy has just left once more, clearing the yard and the concrete of this godforsaken snow.  I am happy to have him. A better description might be 'very fortunate'. 

He is such a good man- a hard worker. Married to Big Sam's sister, he is Lady Valerie's uncle too. 

I am freezing just from

Been a LONG Time Comin'...

A picture of Randy for Sue and Glenn.
SURPRISE! (It's about time, no)?

Good Morning All;Maybe I should begin this blog the same way I began my letter to Casey two days ago...
 ... "First grab a soda, or a water, or a coffee."  hehehe

I have been having a problem lately with getting the [right] words to write with, and to speak- with.
So, there has been NO blog 'til I get this ton of bricks off my shoulders. 
I have been carrying it around for a while now.

That weight finally was lifted Tuesday evening when I told Casey, face to face, that I have emphysema.  Quite probably the latter stages too, because of all the weight I have lost without even trying.
There is now an 8 pound difference between Casey and myself. (At least I still weigh more). hehehe?
One (of a zillion) articles I have read said this: "By the time weight loss occurs in patients with end-stage emphysema, there is often little benefit of currently available medical or nutritional support modalities."

- They did give me some inhalers, (and they're LEGAL)!  hehehe
Still wondering why they would try to treat if...?

With information- good, bad, and ugly- with each sentence, and sometimes with even a single word, came a thought as to how it applied to me.
As I read, my thoughts went back to 2010, and my good old Dr. "X"...
 ... I had asked him (LAST YEAR ALREADY!), why I would wheeze as I lay down at night.
I had already done a bit of research on that, and hadn't liked what I read-
And so, I had to ask.
He promptly took out his stethoscope, & said, "you don't smoke, do you?"  Stupid, stupid question on his part.  (He already knew that I did, as I had spoken to him about trying to quit on more than 4 or 5 occasions).
I replied, "Yes, I do."
He listened to each quadrant of my lungs and simply pronounced them to be "just fine". WTF?
But he only proved again, that my intuition has rarely led me wrong...
He was the one that was SO wrong. (He sure has made a shitload of mistakes with me)?

Know that of course I do not hold him responsible for my smoking; only for his own ignorance of what should have been done, (and without question), just as soon as I had related my own questions and fears.
So, back to Tuesday...
With my news "out", it was time to inform the rest of my children.
I emailed, knowing I would hear back from all 4.
Coward that I am, I added 'the rest of the story' in that note.
Read on...

It is not only the advanced emphysema that I have.
I also have a 6cm 'growth' on my lung.
They have told me that they will "keep an eye" on it; and I will need repeat CT Scans in 3 months to "watch" the damned thing if/as it progresses. 

Perhaps it is a cyst, -perhaps some kind of lost polyp, a cyst, or, even a tumor.
No-one knows yet, at this point.

I still have to take out a ruler, but I think 6cm is roughly half the length of a dollar bill.  It is one of those things that I never cared to know.
All I know is that I didn't ever want to know any of this.   

But shit, when I'd answered the phone that day, my doctor just kept talking and talking and...
 ... And I couldn't tell her I didn't want to hear this (because that's the way I am). 

Casey was sitting not 3 feet away from me!

More, I have been told, (a 'guesstimate'), that even with the best possible scenario(s); I have left in me "A cupla months - a cupla years."  
("Cupla?" Well, that's exactly what it sounded like anyway). hehehe

Not that I asked, but I was told that even quitting now "might" make some short difference in the course of the disease.  A week or a month, given that I have smoked since I was 17.
So there ya have it.
No wait, there's more.
Further to be told had I quit 20 years ago "maybe" this all would have set in ("a little bit"), later...

As I have stated above, I knew I would hear back from all 4 of my daughters.  The only one to reply thus far? Casey herself. (And she's the one that knew)!

Should I be shocked? 
Should I have expected anything different from the rest?
Maybe I am jumping the gun.  &  Perhaps there are already letters en-route to me, no?
As with everything, time will tell all.
Myself, having come so very close to death when I had Roberta, I have had no fear of dying since that morning.  

Before that, (I was  22), "death" was just a chapter in my Psychology book.

Maybe you will reply to my 'news'- 

I already know that I have done this to myself; so no lectures. 

And no pity. Know that I will read anything but pity! 

As with a lecture, I have no room in my heart, no patience in my soul, for that.

Truly I already know that I am not so much to be pitied, but perhaps envied in some odd way. Know that I will go on- As yes, it is possible, - in time you will know that too,. I promise you that.  

(I'll still be here, but I won't be blogging).

And no. There are no transplants for smokers. 

(They must save those for the 'smart' people).
For now I am doing very well,  save for my damned back. 
There is always that.   hehehe

I hope you are all having a grand Halloween weekend!
I have stirred my pot, so I shall close for now.

My love to all.

XOXO
Me

7-UP Please?

Good Morning All;
I went in yesterday morning for 6 more shots in my spine...
They didn't work, but I did throw up all of last night.
Not too sure what that is all about? Though I had been having migraine problems, on and off, all of this past week. (Which I could not take my meds for that because of these upcoming shots).
I called Casey when I began barfing- She told me to take two Benedryl; as it makes your meds work better AND, it works as an anti~emetic too. (Glad I called her- At least I learned something). But I couldn't find any Benedryl to save my soul.
I did manage to sleep for about 2 hours- I will try that again soon; though waking up sick is not my cup of tea. (Anyone have a 7-up for me)?
It is not only my back- Unless neck is back- But there is something also wrong with my neck as my little fingers and ring fingers don't feel right. Both hands. (Sometimes they feel nothing- as do the tops of my toes). Mostly it's a sleeping, buzzing, feeling in my fingers. My doctor has already told me that he can do nothing about this.
Casey had hit a bump on our way back home, (admittedly these are impossible to avoid on this road), and my right hip gave an awful pain -as my back seized up at the same time. I don't recall ever making a noise like that in my life. (Sorry Casey, I didn't mean to scare you). Thank God we were so close to home, and off the freeway; or I would have just opened the door and allowed myself to fall out.
This has all progressed from bad to worse so frickin' damned fast that I just don't know what to do anymore. My hips are both killing me today, and my stomach wants food, but I can't feed it either.
Yup the picture above is accurate. This really does suck. I'll be lucky to even keep my pills down today...
Any suggestions?
I go in on Monday for a physical. (This is insurance required for the pain pump 'trial').  I am having that "trial" come the 27th.
We will have to make 4 trips into town that week- and even just thinking about having to do that sucks too. Casey will be bringing me to those.
Casey has been having problems of her own, adjusting to a new elixir. I do hope that those get better before this all has to happen for me. I really have no one else to ask for a ride.

God help me. Starving, and in pain, is no effing way to go through life.
How very odd that I still believe in karma...

Am going to try to sleep a bit now. Have a grand weekend. My love to all

XOXO
Me

image from cafepress.com

Ketch~upping... Pre- Snowstorm Francesca-

Monday Morning. Now...

Sure has been a long time since I have blogged about anything even remotely "Flintville" hehehe
Didja miss me?


The Channel 11 picture  to the right was actually taken about 2 or 3 weeks ago already-




Do you remember Casey having that horrible allergic reaction to the meds they gave her in Minnesota last January?

???????

"Anaphylaxis" I think they'd called it...

I even had a little allergy of my own
I've been feeling pretty rough too, even without my fractures, and the rest of it.

Now, toss in a little something that I'm allergic to too; and I've got Casey beat!




By a longshot!

Pretty damned gross, eh?

Nice temps earlier in the month and this beautiful weather gave me a chance to even 'wander' a bit outside -
Picture this: Me out there, with the camera around my neck- and of course, those two canes.  Quite a funny juggling act- (And I can't even juggle).  hehehe

Not to mention that Punk kept bringing me her Frisbee- time and time again. oh- Oh! OH!
She was thrilled for those few days of respite from the cold! As was I. hehehe

There is even a wee bit of green showing up...
 ... It always amazes me- especially after a long Winter-

A little snow left- and a little bit of "life" too.

More life here! These will be this years and next winters chives!
(Hey, "I" see green, even if you don't)!  hehehe

I have a silly question for anyone that might know-
(God knows I surely don't).

Why does gravel always appear to be tinted 'blue-ish' after Winter?

I also found a few 'candies' laying around in the grass-

It's all those brown M & M's that I refuse to eat.
  ~Punk seems to ♥ them though!!   hehehe

She even had to sniff all over to find more...

... and very begrudgingly came back to me after I'd called her-

Then, from somewhere the snowplow had left it, she magically found her Frisbee!



I threw it more than a few times !
(In the meantime she ran a mile or so)!

But then... "O0pS"

And that was it for that Frisbee-
Odd, but once it's near to her poo-poo piles, I seem to lose interest in it. hehehe

Darn fine thing Casey had just brought her a new one-

   hehehe

We had to walk almost to J & J's driveway to find snowbanks for her to play on-

-and in.

!!!hehehe!!!  ...."BUSTED!"

 ~ She HAD been "hiding" on me...

Then off she went, to look for a few lost/forgotten squash...
No luck with that-
(What I didn't freeze, the deer got a long time ago).

But plenty of snow left there for an ice cream headache -

Would Sputty come outside with us?   He did- finally.
See, it's ONLY on HIS terms.

Once out, then he does not want to come back in.
When he does this, I let him sit.
Or hunt- or go poo in the fields- (or whatever it is that cats do outside)-

Like sitting in the sun I suppose...

OR...

.........

    He checks all around the house-  ..............Then sits in the blue gravel


If he refuses, still, to come in with us, he has to wait until Punk gets fed her supper- (She always has to go potty and poo first).

Then, even after all that waiting, that cat still follows her around, and ONLY comes in when she does.
(This, no matter how high/low the temperature is/not).

OK OK-
Then, It's FINALLY time for supper... hehehe

I took this shot a LONG time ago-
Still one of my favorites though.

Sput has taken to moving the heat register cover so that it doesn't blow on me when I am sewing. He adjusts it so it blows on him in his box!!!! Grrr...
And that, my friends, is the definition of "cattitude".


I have been having horrid days/weeks with my back.
The last 2 shots I received did nothing to help.
The h/a last night and this morning added nothing either.

While searching around the net, I found THIS picture- It is the same as MY own brace; which needs replacing.
But I'll be damned if I'm shelling out $780.00 for it! 




I found one on eBay though. hehehe


Tonight though. -When I do go to sleep. I shall sleep in the utmost of comfort!

Thank you Casey-So very, very much!

Not only for this beautiful pillow, but for EVERYTHING you have done, and continue to do for me.


Tonight, she drove ALL the way out here just to feed Punkin her supper.

She knew I hadn't slept a wink last night, & so I wouldn't have to wake up...
(I did anyway).  And it was a darned good thing I did.  Casey had to help me out of my own darn bed! 
Oh well. There are always worse things.

Hope all is well in your little corner of the world.
Been trying to keep up with everyone's news and all- I have found that to be a most impossible thing to do!
I shall keep trying though...
My love to all!

XOXO
Me

PS:
Tomorrow (maybe)...
The entry about Snowstorm Francesca.  Here's the link-
Tomorrow the pictures.   hehehe

Mom's Awful, Terrible, No-Good, Very Bad, Shot Experience...

Link
www.edbdkcn.multiply.com/journal/item/139

Please take a moment to click the link above.
Written by Casey- Who has been with me, and for me, throughout this all.
My "ROCK" if you will.

Please leave her a comment.

XOXO
Me

photo from here
http://www.merckmanuals.com/home/sec06/ch093/ch093a.html

Cold Slick Roads and Cold Sick Dogs

 

The Morning Sun!

.
.
Happy Wednesday Everyone;
I find I am still "zoning"~
And still a bit under the weather too. (Whatever THAT means, and where ever it came from anyway).
? 

The weather is cold. Not sure how much further one can go "under" it.

I did keep my doctor appointment yesterday. Not being thrilled with any blood tests or Xrays, I found that I was even less thrilled with the fact that I am now taking doxycycline 100 mg tabs twice a day. And yet, I did sleep a bit better last night.
Without the tests to prove much of anything, he is treating me for acute bronchitis.
Now usually they do not treat this- But given the fact that I had other symptoms, sneezing, wheezing etc etc etc he opted to treat and not to take any chances.

I go to the same clinic as Casey. His decision to treat me was also based on her condition, and not wanting her to 'catch' anything.

(They SO love her there).

My throat looks like I swallowed a few golf balls.
The rest of me is fine thank you very much.
My lungs are clear. That is a HUGE relief to me.

I still sound like a nasal walrus with a closed throat though.
That too shall pass. (I hope).

In the meanwhile I am not to go outside while it is so cold. (WHAT)?!?
Who the heck else would have brought my dumpster down to the front of the driveway for me this morning?

And on to my title...

Miss Milly has decided to eat her food twice. (Yes, I must now scrub the entrance, but at least she isn't pooing). Knocks on wood.
She does not 'act' sick, if anything she is as wild as Punk when I let them outside.
Just the "barfs".  She is still on the same food and water- Will keep an eye on her.

Miss Punk is fine. She is mad at me for cutting her rations by 1/3rd. (She needs to lose a bit of her 'fluff').
.
?

Punk, and her Mama Milly.
Goofy dogs-
Punk still plays with that deflated and frozen solid volleyball.
Milly still loves her orange ball. (Squeakless now).

.
.
?

Punk would rather remain outside, no matter the weather...

.
.
?

Miss Milly, (at 13+ now), is WAY past that foolishness-
says, 'Oh please let me back in!'

.
.
.

I had to go out to the old shed early yesterday morning-
(This, before the doctor had warned me to stay out of the cold temps).
I got all the way out there before I began to feel dizzy.
Kinda (damned) scary to have that happen.
As I balanced myself on the table out in the shed, my 1st thought was that Punk was outside with me, and would surely freeze- (Milly had gone potty, and gone right back inside).
My 2nd thought was that I hoped I would be intelligent enough to pass out BEFORE I froze to death.
I got my silly papers and got back inside as fast as I could.

When I had bought Casey's ice cleats last week, the store only had HER size left.
Kelli stopped out on Saturday with a pair for me! YAY! & God Bless Kelli!
.
?

They work so good too! No slipping or skidding for me.
And they fit so perfectly snug, right over my boots!

.
.

The roads were quite slick this morning- Salt does not work well when the temps are at zero. (Feels more like 'absolute~zero' if you ask me).

The highway that Kelli takes to work goes over the Fox River.

And of course I had the news on at home. There were a few accidents on the bridge, and the highway patrol had closed it completely.
(The TV was of no help to even tell me which lanes the crashes were in).

• I called Kelli's cell. It was off.
• I called her work- No she wasn't there yet.

Grrrrrr...
and worry...

It was a long hour before she finally called and said she was fine. She has now promised to keep her cell phone "ON" while she drives to/from work.
.

I took this picture on the way home from the doctor yesterday.

Look very closely at it...

.
.
.

?

It is NOT a picture of either a nice rig up on the highway;
nor of a snowy shoulder.

Check out the three trees in the foreground...

Now look below the 3rd one.
Someones car there off the road...
(And more than a little buried).

.
Those are the times I am so thankful that I have been either cautious enough, (or fortunate enough), to get from "Point A" to "Point B" and to remain safe.

.
I took the next one as I headed home on my own little road.
About 5 miles east of home.
.
.
?

Not sure why all my pictures show so much blue.
???
Must be because that is the color of "cold"

.
.
I'd better close and get on with my day.
Casey has an appointment tomorrow with her pain management specialist- AND an 8AM test for h~pylori too. (Am thinking maybe an ulcer on top of everything else)?

The high tomorrow is to be about 3 below zero.
Nasty that.
Oh, so tired I am of winter already.

Love to all. Stay warm.

XOXO
Anne

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Originally posted to my Y! 360, Wednesday January 14, 2009 - 01:43pm (CST)