To All Addicts (Part 2).

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me"

Kind of long, but very important...

Good Morning.
How much further away from what I actually wrote do/can these people go?

Rude. Ignorant.
I was called those names...
Not to mention that yesterdays post (CLICK) even brought out one recovering alcoholic and drug abuser, on the pancreas site, who took offense. (Was I horning in on his territory with my own assessment of the drug situation at hand)?
He claimed there is a difference between addict and dependent (upon).

There is.
But his definition was all bass~ackwards. (What the heck do they teach these people in AA/NA groups)?
Or do they even teach them (that)?  Not sure...


I do not mean to be flippant. That was neither my point, nor my opinion.
My point was only to (try to) make others aware that denying their children some pain relief from their intractable pain is a terrible thing to do. (And darn close to abuse in my book).

I chose my wording carefully.
The word "addict", referring even to Casey, was/is more than appropriate.

Would your own opinions of my post have changed if you would have known the difference? 
What if your own child had chronic pain?
Or would you be a parent who denies pain relief to your child on the basis of "what if", or "what will the neighbors think?" ?

Dependence:
Function: noun
1 : the quality or state of being dependent upon or unduly subject to the influence of another
2 a : drug addiction    b : HABITUATION 2b
Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.

ADDICTION:
compulsive physiological need for and use of a habit-forming substance characterized by tolerance and by well-defined  physiological symptoms upon withdrawal;
broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be physically, psychologically, or socially harmful

HABITUATION:

1 : the act or process of making habitual or accustomed
2 a : tolerance to the effects of a drug acquired through continued use,  b : psychological dependence on a drug after a period of use—compare ADDICTION
3 : a form of nonassociative learning characterized by a decrease in responsiveness upon repeated exposure to a stimulus —compare SENSITIZATION 3

____

As you can see, the research within the medical guidelines can/will extend past the words above.

Also of vital importance is this: From http://thesaurus.reference.com
Notes:
"ADDICTION IS MAINLY PHYSICAL WHILE DEPENDENCY IS MOSTLY PSYCHOLOGICAL"

The man in question has since put his tail between his legs (in my opinion) and has stated that he needs to leave the group.
Maybe he does. (though I would never write that either).Perhaps his needs would better be served on an AODA site, which I am sure are plentiful.
I did say those comments did belong on an AODA site though.

Among other, (nicer) things, I wrote the following:
"sadly, your reply only perpetuates all the fears of the people I was addressing. (It also tells me that you have missed the point of my entire posting).
I was most certainly NOT writing about ANYthing illegal or immoral. Those were 'your' choices 25+ years ago.
The parents, children (and adults) I was writing to/of did NOT have a choice to be part/parcel of a painful disease that needs to be treated."

Note that # 2 definition spells out "DRUG ADDICTION".
That's a fact, Sir.
You can choose to 'pretty it up' or try to make some off~the~wall comparison, but respect the fact that it won't fly with me.

So he opts to leave.  ...Um... er... bu-bye...

Then came woman offended, spouting 'rude' and 'ignorant'  (among various other names)- What I would call my "mother image of all things good" -who thought perhaps I did not laud the other guy enough for being clean/sober.
My own beliefs are that it is not up to me (or anyone) to pat him on the back. It is up to himself to remain clean/sober. (I did not write that either).
Through Roberta's own treatment, she has told me numerous times that I should not censor myself just because she is/always will be recovering. That #1., there is nothing anyone can say/do that will turn her away from clean and sober. That #2., it would be her choice to do so, no matter the circumstances. (That's what she was taught in recovery anyway)...

Anyway, 'XXX' also threw in the idea of Casey, and "pitty parties" (her misspelling, not mine).
She further stated "You do NOT know what it is like to suffer day in and day out".  (I had to giggle at that one). hehehe

She went on and on- Her prerogative. 
(I will only copy you on my own reply as I don't think I can copy hers. If you have any questions let me know).
But she did say she was sorry if her words hurt my feelings.

My reply, thus...

Dear XXX;
Do not worry, xxx, of course you didn't hurt my feelings.
I too am an "everyday" person with everyday values and struggles.
(We are ALL that, and much more).

You stated, "You do NOT know what it is like to suffer day in and day out" end quote...
XXX, I am disabled, and assure you that I can well understand what chronic pain is. But again, this/my story simply does NOT belong on a "pancreatitis" website, (wouldn't you agree)?

Furthermore, I never even broached the possibilities of where that man's disease came from! Quite honestly, that never even crossed my mind until I'd read your note.

Do not attempt to read between my lines. I am quite open and direct.

I believe I tried to make people understand that there are not always "negative" associations with the word 'addict'.
I can plainly see you did not interpret our story that way.

My heart goes out to those children (and adults) who will not receive their pain meds because 'someone else' thought they didn't need them, even as prescribed by their doctors!

As I spoke of my own daughter, now 22, (quoted from my original post), "Is she an addict? Yes she is. And in the most humbled definition of the word too." end quote

My words are neither misinformed, nor ignorant.

Nor was I opting for a "pitty party" approach to anything?
I know that my Casey would not have lasted through all of her own stuff had she been of a mind to entertain the "pity~pot" mentality. She is much much stronger and wiser than to even attempt to do so. It is her same strength and wisdom that have given me this insight to her own pain.

My apologies (to those who will have to do without), if my more direct approach didn't help you to understand that.
As I have just written to the previous poster, "grin and bear it" does not work! (Those words are only for those people who are NOT suffering; for we cannot ever even begin to know another's pain).

Please refer back to the Medical definition of 'dependence'. Note that the # 2 definition spells out "DRUG ADDICTION" in its entirety.
I assure you that I did not write that book.

Again, I have tried only to help those who cannot help themselves out of fear (or ignorance) of another.

I believe that through them all (my postings) I have tried to help another out. My apologies (again) if you did not see it that way.

I will close my note to you here exactly as I had closed my first posting [to those parents it applied to]:
"Worry less about the pills than you worry about the pain. When that pain is gone then, (and ONLY then), are you/your child to worry about getting away from the pain medicines.

Know that there are no two ways around it.
Know too that it doesn't happen overnight.
I can only promise that it WILL happen.

Admit that the elephant is in the sitting room. But leave him quietly alone.
He will leave in his own time.

Peace and health to everyone during this holy season, whatever your own beliefs are.

Believe in yourself.  More importantly, believe in your child."
end quote/note

___

One gal wrote that alot of people just don't like the word "ADDICT"
~To whit, (and touché), "a rose by any other name" would apply.

Maybe this will begin to sink in to peoples psyches, and maybe not.
I really did try to help these people out.

I have this image of my own 'what if' here...
It is the image of my own CaseyAnne, had I ever thought to 'ration' her pills out of fear of what the neighbors would say.

And how, exactly, would I have accomplished that?
Would I take her to the doctor, ask for a diagnosis, and then tell him, "Thanks Doc, I'll take it from here." ?

And now, I have images of many kids, much like my Casey, being rationed.
Know that it is very hard to get those images out of my mind.

Have a day.

XOXO
Anne

PS
If you haven't read Part One, please do so. CLICK

To All "Addicts"

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me"

Good Morning All...

I am going to cheat this morning as I have much to do before the dang snow flies.
I have written the following to our pancreatitis group. After reading a few messages that dealt with the parents problems. Their failure to give their own children, who are suffering, the doctors prescribed medications; simply because of the negative implications of 'addiction'.

I know there are many children and adults who will not be getting any relief from their pain due to the ignorance of others.

You know me. I call a spade a spade.
Read on.

XOXO
Anne

**************
There is an elephant in the room.
You know he is here.
Yet we all dance around our replies so very cautiously when we pretend he is not here.

This is my story- Mine, and my daughters.

Having seen CaseyAnne, 22, deal with this illness for 5+ years now, I have also seen her receive massive amounts of drugs to treat it, and the same massive quantities of drugs to keep the pain at bay. (And I learned a very long time ago already that some of the things she has taken would kill a small horse).

It frightened me horribly to see my 4.0 GPA honors student dependent on these dangerous drugs. After all, she is my youngest daughter. She is the one who took the ACT (college aptitude) test at only 11, and received an 18 on it!!!
Even Northwestern and Bryn Mawr wanted her after that. The letters, from all over, just kept coming in!

Then came the dx... "Chronic Pancreatitis"
I think it was there earlier on in her lifetime, just that we never caught it.
Her tummy aches were 'growing pains'.
Or maybe she had a bit of food poisoning.
Perhaps mittelschmerz.

Whatever, it was, it would pass.
Those bouts always did. (Given enough time anyway).

Those tests. The hospitalizations. The flare ups. ALL too numerous to recall offhand. The surgeries that followed, numbering already in the high teens.
All these things brought drugs, and more drugs.

Oh my god, my daughter was an addict!

With that thought process came a very profound sense of failure. How would I explain this?
Yet if you know me, you will respect that the feeling of failure I had didn't last long. There came a profound sense of  compassion, and some very literal understanding.

She NEEDED those drugs to get through an hour, or a day. (And damn what anyone else thought they knew)!
She needed those drugs just to live and breathe.
Always responsible, she did not take more, (always making an appointment, or a trip to the ER), when she felt it wasn't enough-
(Those times she is bent like a question mark, and pain radiates from her features, her sorrowful little body bent, -sad, and twisted).

Casey had her TP/AIT last December. We spent Christmas and January in Minneapolis, so far away from home. Naturally her overwhelming and unrelenting pain was gone.

She recovered from that, only to learn that she had megacolon. In April they removed 70+% of her colon.

She is now facing two more surgeries.

She is still on narcotics, (though she has removed herself from the Fentanyl patch).
She is also attending college, and is still receiving great grades.
All this, not only because she has a great attitude, she also has a wonderful pain doctor.

Is she an addict?
Yes she is. And in the most humbled definition of the word too.

Now about that elephant...

I know there are many parents who are reading this, and who cannot get past the negative images of what an 'addict' is.
Get over yourselves already.
That addict is your child.
That addiction is not negative; it is only the way your childs body has reacted to the only way s/he has to relieve the pain and the suffering.

Keep your priorities in order.
When people ask what your child is taking, remember only that it is nobodys business but your own.
Remember too that, (if negative in the least), your own gestures, sighs, attitudes, and words can/will offer the greater pain to your child. Your son/daughter has enough to worry about already.
Do not put more onto them.

That addict is your son/daughter.

Worry less about the pills than you worry about the pain. When that pain is gone then, (and ONLY then), are you/your child to worry about getting away from the pain medicines.

Know that there are no two ways around it.
Know too that it doesn't happen overnight.
I can only promise that it WILL happen.

Admit that the elephant is in the sitting room. But leave him quietly alone.
He will leave in his own time.

Peace and health to everyone during this holy season, whatever your own beliefs are.

Believe in yourself.
More importantly, believe in your child.

XOXO
Anne

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