PRIVATE -Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

I am going to post this as quite a private entry for now.
Kristin has had her hands, arms, and her life, full- of dealing with Gabriel.
If you will read below, he has been doing (mostly) all of these things; to a very large extent.

They have been to a few social workers, and now child-psychologists.
Initially diagnosed with O.D.D.; Gabriel now has been dx'ed with R.A.D..

I had never heard of either of those issues before Kristin had told me a few months back. (Please do the clicks on the acronyms above).

Now, with this 'new' diagnosis, I am feeling like perhaps I should have 'stayed the course' and just kept fighting with Roberta over keeping him.
But she would not listen to anything.

• He was "HER" boy.
  
  • But he was only a possession to her, and not her son, ya know?

Added to that is the fact that she kept calling the cops on me! To threaten me with kidnapping was such bullshit too. But she had the right to do that also. I wanted to do good and right by him is all.

AND, remember also that I had a very, very, very, sick Casey to care for also.
At this point she is only very, very, sick.
OK j/k.
She really is quite ill.

Kind of like me. But hey, my doctors were wrong about the "cupla months". hehehe

I didn't go to Minnesota with Casey when they went 2 weeks ago. There was just no way I would have made the trip.
Greg took her as her friend Courtney backed out on her at the last minute.
Thank God for Greg!

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What is Attachment Disorder 
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

"Attachment" is defined as the affectional tie between two people. It begins with the bond between the infant and mother. This bond becomes internally representative of how the child will form relationships with the world.
Bowlby stated "the initial relationship between self and others serves as blueprints for all future relationships." (Bowlby 1975)

OK.
So that initial relationship would be something lacking in myself too; as I was not 'attached' to anyone until I was adopted.
Then, I got mom, whose arms (and heart) were always full of Mary.
Bu thank God I had my Dad!

"Attachment Disorder" is defined as the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships.
They often show nearly a complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others.
They typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust.
They do not allow people to be in control of them due to this trust issue.
This damage is done by being abused or physically or emotionally separated from one primary caregiver during the first 3 years of life.

• And who would that be for Gabriel? Me? Roberta? Casey?

"If a child is not attached- does not form a loving bond with the mother- he does not develop an attachment to the rest of mankind.

The unattached child literally does not have a stake in humanity" (Magid & McKelvey 1988)

They do not think and feel like a normal person.

"At the core of the unattached is a deep-seated rage, far beyond normal anger. This rage is suppressed in their psyche. Now we all have some degree of rage, but the rage of psychopaths is that born of unfulfilled needs as infants.
Incomprehensible pain is forever locked In their souls, because of the abandonment they felt as infants." (Magid & McKelvey 1988)

"There is an inability to love or feel guilty.
There is no conscience.
Their inability to enter into any relationship makes treatment or even education impossible." (Bowlby 1955)

• Some infamous people with Attachment Disorder that did not get help *in time: Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Edgar Allan Poe, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Ted Bundy.   How utterly UGLY!
  
  
  • One famous person with Attachment Disorder who did get help in time (in 1887!) and became one of greatest humanitarians is Helen Keller.

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Attachment Disorder Symptoms

• Superficially engaging & charming
• Lack of eye contact on parents terms
• Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
• Not affectionate on Parents’ terms (not cuddly)
• Destructive to self, others and material things (accident prone)
• Cruelty to animals
• Lying about the obvious (crazy lying)
• Stealing
• No impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive)
• Learning Lags
• Lack of cause and effect thinking
• Lack of conscience
• Abnormal eating patterns
• Poor peer relationships
• Preoccupation with fire
• Preoccupation with blood & gore
• Persistent nonsense questions & chatter
• Inappropriately demanding & clingy
• Abnormal speech patterns
• Triangulation of adults
• False allegations of abuse
• Presumptive entitlement issues
• Parents appear hostile and angry

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Causes
Any of the following conditions occurring to a child during the first 36 months of life puts them at risk:

• Unwanted pregnancy   Yes.  He and Sam.
• Pre-birth exposure to trauma, drugs or alcohol  I honestly do not know
• Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)   ???
• Neglect (not answering the baby’s cries for help) I do not know

• Separation from primary caregiver (i.e. Illness or death of mother or severe illness or hospitalization of the baby, or adoption  YES.
• On-going pain such as colic, hernia or many ear infections  Not really.
• Changing day cares or using providers who don’t do bonding  YES.
• Moms with chronic depression  Among others, Roberta is manic-depressive
• Several moves or placements (foster care, failed adoptions)  YES.
• Caring for baby on a timed schedule or other self-centered parenting  YES, but it was on HER schedule, never on his.

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*in time- They never did define what "in time" means.
As you can guess that is a highly important factor here.

Casey and I will be going over there tomorrow- (well, today I guess), as I have presents for them that must get dropped off yet.

Damn- Time for me to try to sleep-
I just dropped my caffeine all over the rug and have been scrubbing the damned thing for a while.

So while it dries i shall rest.... I hope
And double damn too. I told Casey i would be there for 10.
UGH

Nighty night.

PLEASE let me know what you think?
I do SO very much need your input.

XOXO
Me

This... Is... Jeopardy! (Private Entry).

  

Answer:
    
346.63(1)(a)  Operating While under Influence (2nd)
   

~ Guilty

03-04-2010 
{$1,000.00} Signature bond signed
      
03-25-2010 
Order for intox driver assessment and safety plan

06-03-2010 
Payment plan has been erased because no payments have been received
      
07-29-2010 
Defendant not in court. June Heisler, Clerk. Not called on the Record. The Court refers this matter to Br. 3 for Arrest and Commitment

08-10-2010 
Commitment authorized

08-16-2010 
Commitment issued



Question:

Name one (of many) things that a parent does not want to read about their child.


...and I thought my head hurt before. Now my heart breaks even more-so.

WTF???
I have one child trying just to stay alive, and this other one is doing her level best to kill herself?

Please, could someone kindly explain this to me?!?

XOXO
Me

 

Hurry Up and Wait...

Yes, Jack Frost came-
Two mornings in a row.

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Good Morning Everyone!
A damp, soggy, and rainy morning here- Brightened by a phone call from CaseyFace. 


I had previously written that I didn't believe that many apples would be left on the trees after the windstorms we had.

I was wrong! There are tons left...

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Now look closely at the red circle.
There is an apple that has 2 large bites out of it.
How the heck does that happen, and 25 feet in the air?!?

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Sue and Glenn came to take the apples for their deer- 
Then the pears too.

They had to fight to take a few of them...
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The fly and the bee, suckling the nectar for their respective lunches.

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After the wind ~ and unlike the apples, there were very few pears remaining attached.
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One day I will count the number of 5~gallon pails that they take. (I just know it is a good thing that they have a pickup truck).
The fruit is heavy too. 

Sue was so worn out that she apparently fell asleep...

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hehehe

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Maybe they should have used the baskets from the fields...

When I had come home from my thyroid poke the other day, and came around the corner in Flintville, all I saw were these high bobbling baskets.  I laughed out loud as I grabbed for my camera-

Taking this as I drove past them.
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At first glance I'd had no idea what I was looking at either.
Too funny!

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The weather has been changing rapidly-  The furnace will run in the morning for a bit, then later in the day it is warm in here and all the windows get opened up.
Those days that you really aren't sure what to wear. A tee under the sweatshirt works well...

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Thought this sky picture was very strange indeed.
Almost as if there are 2 or 3 fronts; one on top of the next.

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I am a jeans and sweatshirt kind of girl. Add a pair of socks and sneakers and I am comfy as all get out. ...Just don't forget the back brace... That too, very comfortable, and comforting as well.

Still, the pain. Not as bad as before though, so I am happy with that.
I will be going back in on the 13th for that second shot in my back. Damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

I finally went to the DMV to renew my drivers license. (Better late than never). I had also been given a form from the spine doctor for a DIS ID card.  I am upset about this now, but imagine it will be safer come snow and ice, not to have to take as many chances walking to/from my car.

Had a problem with parking as I visited with Roberta in the hospital- Of course Punk goes with me, so that means no valet parking.  As I pulled into Bellin, the man allowed me to park in the 30 minute space, but told me he would be off the clock in a little while too, so to keep it short.

I did just that.
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Her results were a negative pass- Her  cardiologist had given her nitroglycerin pills, and started her on some beta blockers too. She has been fainting- Her cardiologist will now be working in conjunction with a neurologist. No other news there.
This was the first time I had even seen her in almost a year.


My spine doctor (what the heck are they called anyway)?, told me that my back will probably not get better, but that there are ways to stop the progression. Not sure what more I can do, but am willing to try just about anything.
Again, I have always taken my vitamins, minerals and extra calcium...
But it gets rather defeating to hear that you can't go back.

Speaking of going back...

Master Gabriel was born 4 years ago yesterday...

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Due to the fact that the pain management clinic kept me there for over two hours yesterday, we didn't have a chance to see him- They were leaving as Casey called-  Casey will bring him his little gifts when she is done at school today.

4 years ago, things were still salvageable with respect to Roberta caring for her boys.
Not so now.
I have no regrets of admitting my own inability to care for Master Gabriel. Only for my inability.  I know it would have been near impossible to care for him and Casey last year. And even more-so, in hindsight, to have cared appropriately for him with my back like this.

Yet God has seen fit to give Gabriel a whole family.  One that loves him so, and one that cares for him too.  One that has been raising him up right too.
The State is still dragging their feet with respect to his adoption, so please just keep saying those prayers. Kristin asked me, and I couldn't answer; I don't even know if Berta knows she has lost Gabriel and Sam.  Having not been in contact with Roberta, I don't know what she knows, or what she may/may not be aware of.

I do know this much... She has not even bothered to see him, or to inquire after him, since the beginning of the year. That speaks volumes of sadness to me, and weighs heavily on my heart and in my prayers for him.
I know that she has a decent job at one of the paper mills in town. And she spoke of having to move that weekend too.  Other than that, to bring up the boys would have been too freakin' hard on me; ultimately on her too. This whole business of birthing and leaving makes my blood boil.
She did not learn that from me. wth?

I'd better close-  Casey has just called, and will be bringing out my new prescriptions after she sees Gabriel and family.

Still soggy out there. Not too sure what the forecast is, (I overslept), but I do know it's a good thing that it's rain and not snow.

My love to all.
And do have a wunnaful weekend!

XOXO
Me

Roberta

Roberta Marie

Roberta is at the hospital again...
After a grueling few tests over the past few months, it is looking more and more that she might be helped by a pacemaker.
Her paternal grandmother died at 39 of a massive heart attack.
Roberta turned 29 in July.

Love to all.

XOXO
Anne

Oh-Bla-Di ~ Oh-Bla-Dah

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Good Afternoon;
Methinks I am almost caught up with my blogs for a while.
We were to be headed to Sault Ste. Marie today. (Didn't work out that way though).

I am sitting here after trying to get all of my wash done before leaving.  Little things that I just want clean for when we get back. 

Randy came out yesterday-
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Punk needs this rough and tumble play so badly

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He also said he would finish up my drains today.
And here I am, just cooling my heels, and waiting.  Grrr...   MEN!
Oh well.
To know we wanted to leave though- (Just p*sses me off, big~time).


We had court last week on Master Gabriel's behalf. 
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Casey arriving at the courthouse...

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Same as last month when Chuck was given all rights to Baby Sam, Roberta chose to not even show up.
While it helps everyone's cause (especially Gabriel's), that she didn't show, I am still astounded how parents can just leave a child...
I do believe there is a special place in hell for those with the "out of sight, out of mind" thought process.

She has given birth 3 times. 
She has had her parental rights terminated with all three, deservedly so.
Is it right for a grandmother to feel this way? Probably not; but I am actually happy for the boys.

With the exception of Master Gabriel, they live with their dads-
These men have stepped up to that proverbial parental plate and have done right by their sons, my grandbabies.
I am very proud of these young men.

Master Gabriels foster parents want so much to adopt him. I pray they succeed.
They are good and decent people, and he has been welcomed into their family, truly loved and cared for, and finally knows what a real family is about. 

We stopped by their home after court by to tell Miss Kristin how everything went.
The next step will be to ensure he stays with them on a forever basis. I believe they have all the proper papers already in order.

Everyone was outside!
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Here she is with their "triplets"  hehehe

.She reminds me of my mom.
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The following day I did something I should not have done-
(But all this "taking it easy" and "complete rest", etc. is driving me freakin' batty).

Casey and I had found some mulberries up here-
(I have 3 trees up here, and more back by the woods). 
There were a few berries that the deer had not touched, the rest for the birds being too high up to reach.
But there were just not enough left from the deer for our watering taste buds.
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So we piled in the car and headed for the woods-  
-(insert sigh)...  The tree back there wasn't even close to being ripe!


So... As long as we were to the woods, and as long as Casey felt well enough to go down the ravines, then by God, so did I.

We have had little rain for a long time. Not only do we need it for the crops, but even the river needs a bath too.  That does TOO make sense!
(Everything, including rivers, kinda gets a little icky with no fresh rain).
Casey found a skeleton to something or another...


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But stinky there too, so she threw it back.

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She played a very cute peek~a~boo too.

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A ton of water spiders...
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Punk feels it her 'duty' to chase them too.
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But she doesn't always get them either...
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HAHAHA

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For obvious reasons, I didn't want to have to go back up either. 
Somehow, Punk knew this.
(If Casey had not been along, there is NO WAY you would even believe what I am going to write next):

Punk went up to the top as I slowly made my way up. Odd because she is generally right at my side. She even left Casey's side to go to the top!

She came back with a stick.
I had no idea what she was doing as she kept forcing that stick in my direction...

But,

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She proceeded to pull me up the rest of the way!

With God as my witness, that is exactly what she did.
I am so blessed by this little dog.
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The weather has been raunchy-
Chilly- and yes we did get a few spots of rain. (We need much more).

Uh-Oh, Randy has just pulled in...

*** WARNING!
All of you with the 100+ temps might want to look away for a moment...
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So that is what we have had in our neck of the woods.
That it feels strange to not be complaining about the heat is an understatement. I am always the 1st to whine about the heat and humidity; and here I am saying it is chilly in July,
(and praying for 100% humidity to fall on our heads for a few days).

I honestly don't remember the last time I mowed the lawns- They are brown, dried, and shriveled, except for the weeds of course. 
And those weeds need mowing.
There is no grass.
....... Not that I care to be on the rider anyway.




I made some stuffed green pepper casserole yesterday...



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(Nope. Didn't use this one)...  

I was completely nauseated when that one slipped out of its bag.
The 'splat' and the splatter just sounded SO gross!.

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Casey stopped at the store on her way out and picked up some fresh green peppers.
Dang. Now I am hungry ~as I hear the leftovers calling my name~
hehehe

Love to all

XOXO
Me

PS
I think I should enclose this picture for my sister-
Sorry Barbara, I kept forgetting...
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Bobbé, at the same age as Big Sam is now.

Written on the back by my mom:
"Bobbé, on her favorite diet!"
hehehe

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Here is Big Sam now
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You might be right!
(I am old and I might have forgotten). 


Do you think they look the same?
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Milly etc... Lotsa Stuff.

 

Maybe you are the only one who doesn't know about my Miss Milly?
Please CLICK HERE if you don't know.

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Good Evening;
I caught myself- for the 100th time, looking out the kitchen window- specifically to look toward the kennel.
Wonder how long it takes to settle in that she won't be there no matter how many times I look? (And she has been INside all winter too).

Of course there are still times that I think to call Mom, just for that split~second... (And she's been gone 10+ years).

Punk is getting along well enough
Every now and then to just stare into the distance, to cry a bit...
But we have been playing outside lots too.

Nothing like sunshine (and many spent calories) to help!

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She dreams about going to the woods again...
(Trust me, so do I).

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Not sure about everyone else, but the weather has been fantastic!
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Just 2 days ago my yard was an ice rink!

I do think there is more mud in my yard than ice. (For now anyway).

I also realize that Groundhog Day only marks the halfway point of winter; so there is plenty left.

sigh

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Good News!!!!

Micki and Mike finally have their website up!
Dedicated to Baby Mariah.
(Yes, I stole her picture of the laughing pencils)

"to bring smiles to the faces of children who have to endure a day, a week or even months in the hospital."

"Our mission is to be able to give local hospitals new coloring books, crayons, markers, colored pencils, craft items, etc. to pediatric patients. Each time they visit they will receive a new coloring book & box of crayons to take home with them. We will also offer alternatives such as puzzles, project bags, or paints. Often times, cancer patients are offered "community" craft items. With comprised immune systems, the threat is always there that the child may develop an illness. Riah's Rainbow eliminates that fear for parents.

To provide further assistance, it is our hope that in the future we will be able to provide parents with the resources to take their children out for a day adventure...maybe to the zoo, or dinner and a movie for the whole family."

Please check it out!!! CLICK or save http://www.riahsrainbow.org/

I have the news on in the background... I hope everyone is safe from the tornadoes in Oklahoma, and that you remain out of harms way.


On to a bit of the paranormal...
"At the heart of science is an essential tension between two seemingly contradictory attitudes - an openness to new ideas, no matter how bizarre or counterintuitive they may be, and the most ruthless skeptical scrutiny of all ideas, old and new."
- Carl Sagan
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As many of you know, I probably don't live alone.
But what you don't know is that I finally got a new camera.
It has night vision on it. Infrared. And I have been having fun just taking random shots every now and then.
On the first night, I probably took about 20 shots just sitting on the couch after waking up about 2Am.
As I uploaded them the next day, I realized something was quite weird-
About ½-way through the pictures I'd taken on that night... (I hadn't moved either the camera or myself).
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Please forgive my mess! hehehe
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And then this one...
Taken right after that first one,
& in the midst of all my snapping that shutter.

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What IS that???
Maybe the cat sneezed?

Know that the following shot was the same as the top picture here.
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Sunday night I had gone upstairs to see if I could get a decent picture of the moon.
It was too high in the sky to do so.
I had been upstairs all of about 2 minutes.
Snapped a few pictures of my bedroom too. Nothing there. (Story of my life)...

But Sputnik decided to come up the steps and join me, so I snapped a shot of him.
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Not too sure why his eyes make him look like a Nazi?

But do you see the two people standing in the bathroom door?
Back up a bit from your screen if you do not see what I see.
Weird.
But I am glad they are quiet. hehehe

Methinks I really LOVE this camera!

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Casey and I have been having fun too!
I bought her a little sewing machine for her birthday!
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She is thrilled that in about 2 short seconds
she can sew the buttons back onto Greg's shirts! hehehe
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My dad used to comment on how strange Mom was!
He found it odd that she would go to the store, buy some pretty material; only to cut it apart, and then sew it back together.
Too cute!

Not me though. I just find little treasures in the shed, or at Goodwill or St Vinnies.
(THEN I cut them apart and sew them back together). hehehe


Tired of having Master Gabriel look like a ragamuffin every time I see him, I finally broke down and bought him a zillion clothes, then dropped them off.

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Here he is, waving at Casey and I as we left!

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No one hears from Berta much. Last we heard anything, her new (now ex) boyfriend was fixing to throw her out. He'd called Casey and asked if she would take her in.
Casey said no. And hasn't heard anything since.

As for me... I worry; then I remember to "Let go and Let God."

I'd better close for tonight.
Hope all is well in your little corner of the world.

XOXO
Anne

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Originally posted to my stupid Y 360, Tuesday February 10, 2009 - 09:43pm (CST)

Hospitals. Houdini. And Sewage.

 

Parked out in front of the hospital...
too funny
(Guess THAT didn't work for someone)...

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Good Morning All;
I was not supposed to wake up in my own home today.
But I did.
(No, I hadn't turned over an old leaf and suddenly become naughty or lucky again either).
Damn, hey?
hehehe

Casey was to be transported to either Milwaukee's Froedtert Hospital, or UW's Madison Medical Center.

She is still in Green Bay.

I am still home too;
hence waking up here.
(With a dog in my face no less)!!!
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Yes. This is the dog.

(And no, it is not sunny right now)...

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Punk clearly had to go outside.
Apparently someone (who shall remain nameless) fell asleep and didn't let her out before bed last night.

Punk misses Mr. Miller.
(Mama Milly misses them both)...
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Miss Milly.

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Below are Miller and Punk, picking squash a few days ago.
Milly ("Houdini") was on a leash as I wasn't about to have her disappearing on me as she usually does.

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Punk and Miller-
...fighting over the best one!

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Miller won!

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I am sure you are wondering how Casey is...

She had to do a 24 hour urine collection (Not sure what they are looking for). It was done at 2 yesterday afternoon, and apparently the results will take some time.

Her counts were back to normal again yesterday morning.
But such pain!

The nice lady doctor (hospitalist) was off, and now Casey has Dr. Hujuet. (sp). He has assured me he will be there all week. (damn).
He is more than a bit (way too much for me) opinionated and smug. And I wish he wasn't as 2 faced as he is.
I would not make that statement if I hadn't seen that arrogance on more than one occasion either.

(CLICK HERE for what she'd experienced under his 'watch' in March).

And for what she went through the day after that-
The feelings and her own words then,
so accurately reflecting her diminished spirit now.
CLICK PLEASE.
This doctor had told her that she was to eat a full menu, and to force herself to eat.
So she ordered food.
We picked her off the bathroom floor.
Twice.
That bastard of a doctor to do this to her after she was on ICE CHIPS?

They took over 20 minutes to respond to her light being on, while she dry heaved on the floor of the bathroom, unable to walk, or even to move.

Yes, I marched right down to the nurses staition after she got a bolus of zofran for her nausea.
AND I FRICKIN DEMANDED THAT THEY CALL DR HUJUET AND GET HIM ON THE PHONE FOR ME.
I then demanded a new amylase and lipase count.
He thought meybe they should do that.
WHAT?
Of course they should.
(And wouldn't you know, her counts had more than doubled in those few minutes)?
I am very very very angry...
Why the hell put her through such pain???
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Roberta came to visit Casey yesterday.
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We walked outside with the Punkster for a bit.

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And then back up to the room where Greg's best friend Buck was visiting Casey.

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Sassy guy
He is most certainly making fun of that nurse...
(The one I'd thrown out 3 days ago)...

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And high time for me to get home too.

Freddie Bartz was here to pump out the septic tank.
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Everybody knows Fred Bartz.
(Now you do too).


He is one of our local icons-
Always a smile too.
Loves his wife.
Loves his kids.
And works 2 fulltime jobs.

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So now my septic is done for another year.
Thank you Fred.

I'd better close for today and get in the shower. Casey will be calling soon.

Love to all
Keep those thoughts and prayers coming!

XOXO
Anne
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PS
 
Oh, and Fred told me such an awful story that happened to him last week.

His daughters car had broken down on HY 47-
(Near to Appleton, about 40 miles away).

She had called him and asked for his help.

So he took his wife and they went to pick her up; to get the car towed and repaired- and she was back on the road...

Coming through Appleton, Fred saw that the gas prices were a bit lower than they are in Green Bay.
(Not sure why this is, but it's always like that).

He didn't need much gas, but heck, a penny saved is still a penny. So he topped off his tank.

He and his wife go in to pay.
There is one man in line before them when a guy comes in behind them, literally pushing them out of the way.
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WTH?

The guy also pushes the man in front of them.
He yanks both a bag and a gun out of his pockets and tells the cashier to put all of her money inn the bag.

She does as he asks.

The robber then turns to the first guy in line, points his gun and asks, "Did you see me rob this gas station?"
The man replies yes.

And the robber shoots him!

(OMG, and right in front of Fred and Marjorie)!
He then turns to Fred, and asks him "Did you see me rob this gas station?"
Fred was looking at the guy on the floor, then replied. "No, but my wife did."
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Yeah, well, ya gotta know Fred...

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Oroginally posted to my Y! 360, Tuesday October 14, 2008 - 08:05am (CDT)