Sledge Hammers and Band-Aids

Not sure, but I don't think a band-aid will help...

.

.

Good Morning All;

I am terribly late here; having been up half the night with my stupid foot... It does feel like someone has hit it with a sledgehammer, or dropped anchor on it. Either way I am quite 'grounded' to say the very least...
...AND I HAVEN'T BEEN GROUNDED SINCE I WAS 17!!!
(Someday I might tell you 'what for')...

I recently asked Miss Marie for her foot immobilizer, but remember now that she has these itty~bitty feet. (She had come to visit CaseyAnne at Froedtert and I remember telling her how little her feet were). She has recently had surgery and had to wear "the boot" that I am now coveting.

Me? ...with a size 10, I have feet sized only for yetis and mukluks.

I have been doing a ton of reading and researching on here. I have learned much about my foot...

.

.

I am guessing that since it is my 2nd metatarsil that is hurting so badly that this picture, (stolen from here), is as close to what is going on with my own foot.
Except mine is the left foot...
(Look at this picture in a mirror should that fact bother you at all)!
hehehe

.

.

I found a whole bunch of websites that were a bit tough to get through. (All that medical dialogue I can basically understand; but it slows down my slow reading)...

In short, (and on an 8~year~old level)...
...Stress fractures are quite common in the foot. A stress fracture simply implies that the load applied to the foot was greater than what the bone could tolerate, so it breaks. hehehe I am thinking it is time for me to lose some weight... ya think?

And this, from that same website... "X-rays are necessary but aren't always so helpful with metatarsal stress fractures. In most cases, metatarsal stress fractures can only be seen on x-ray three to four weeks after they occur. X-ray findings of stress fractures are very subtle. We don't actually see the fracture, but we see the deposition of calcium surrounding the fracture as the bone heals.

Most stress fractures of the foot will heal over time with just a little help. How long? Patients are usually surprised to find out that stress fractures take 8-12 weeks to heal."

WHAT?!?! ...
(I am MORE than upset, saddened, by that statement).

The dogs are already upset that we haven't been going to the woods every day.

.

And yet, I really DO have good news too... Having fallen to sleep at one point, I was awakened by a very loud noise. ...Good grief, and now what the heck??? And then remembered that I had set the trap just in case that little varmint had somehow lived through his 2nd Degree Sputty~Assault... (See yesterdays blog)... Apparently he did live through it. But he didn't live through the trap! (Say "YAY")? hehehe

Have a great Thursday!

XOXO
Anne

Click on CaseyAnnes name to see what's up...

Click on Miss Maries name above to read about her surgery!

.

Free Counter

A Simple Peace of Mind

Good Morning All;

Having been 'up' since about 1, I will keep this shorter for today...
kinda...

A slow and lazy day yesterday; I accomplished nothing but being sick, sore, tired, beat and hungry. hehehe (Not really).

Having gone back in to the doctor on Monday morning, (after hearing and feeling a sickening 'pop' in my foot that almost sent me to my knees with pain)... He says it can be, (and most probably is), a stress fracture. It is seeming more and more so that it is. Stress fractures do not show up on X~rays until they have begun the healing process, so just to take my pills and wear good shoes... Since my foot is a freakin' disaster, I kept yesterday very low key; propping it up on a whole stack of pillows on the couch; and promptly falling to sleep in that position yesterday evening...

When I awoke, Casey was still up, chatting online. But she had a great story to tell me too...

(I sure seem to miss all the excitement)...

Everyone remembers Mr "S"?
And the wonderful way that himself and Miss Punk get along?

.

.

.

MMMmmmmm ~"L0VE" at first lick!

.

.

(It still amazes me).

But it seems they really HAVE joined forces!

Casey was watching TV earlier and had heard a big ruckus out in the entrance with Sputnik and Punk.

...So of course she must go out to investigate...

Taken aback, (but ONLY for a moment); she quickly grabs the camera when she sees this...

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

...Everyone say "YAY"!!!!

.

.

.

.

Mr Sputty has earned his keep!

.

.

Have a WUNNAFUL Wednesday!!!

XOXO
Anne

.

.

PS...

.

Now everyone say "OOPS"...
(The danged MOW~ISS got away after all of that)...

.

.

.

.

My intruder is quite injured and I hope I find it, (or that My~MouseBuster~Team does), before it really reeks to high heaven.

.

.

.

>sigh<

...Everyone say "PEW" ...

.

Free Counter

From the "Nitwit Corner"...Fairbanks Capital

Good Morning All;

I have been up for about 4 hours, reading my 'paper' and surfing around. And I am laughing at all the stupidity out there.

At one point early this morning to find myself back at The Bad Business Bureau. (Click).
Or go to http://www.ripoffreport.com/

I had opportunity some years ago to find this website on a simple search for my mortgage lending company. It was the topmost site listed in the search. (Alas, I found no site for Fairbanks Capital Corp).

Long story short, when Mom passed, I found that I had inherited the buildings within my half of the property. To make her will equal, I took out a loan for the value of the buildings to pay my sister off. This loan was ultimately sold to Fairbanks.

Just a bit of background on them...

Fairbanks Capital Corporation, "LEADER OF THE PACK IN PREDATORY LENDING" owned and operated by The PMI Group, publicly-traded corporation NYSE ~Lawsuits nationwide under investigation

Report: Fairbanks Capital Corporation click

Fairbanks Capital, based out of Salt Lake City, Utah is a Mortgage Loan Servicing Company that purchases mortgages from other Lending institutions across the Country.

They are the tenth largest Loan Servicing Company in the United States.

Rip-offReport.com has received over 3,000 emails and 440 reports from consumers in every state that have been victimized by Fairbanks Capital Corp.

Many of these victims claimed to have lost their homes to fraudulent foreclosure, others have been forced to file Bankruptcy in an attempt to save their homes from Foreclosure.

Fairbanks Capital has become notorious for one thing,
stealing homes.
Read More...

I dealt with them, fighting tooth and nail to have them correctly apply my monthly mortgage payments... Almost from Day One, they misappropriated my monies. They added on charges; late fees, insurances (that I didn't need because I already had it)... etc etc etc.

Long story short, I ultimately hired an attorney who corrected all of this garbage for me. Sadly, it was my 15 minutes of fame. One of the local TV Stations had come out and actually listened to me about this all too. (The picture above was taken when the National News had picked up the story. The photo is of one of the bigshots who would not answer questions for them).

But it was a harrowing experience to be served foreclosure papers on a loan that I had not defaulted on. I had also visited a total of 8 other attorneys before finding one that told me I did NOT have to file bankruptcy to keep my home.

After visiting the BadBB Website this morning, I see that Fairbanks has not changed their tactics.

They are still misappropriating funds, they are still in essence stealing homes, and they are still in business! That fact surprises me the very most. To be sued as often as they have been. To be LOSING these lawsuits hand over fist, they are still operating. Under PMI Authority.

For those of you who do not know, the last I checked, PMI also has a little subsidiary called "Habitat For Humanity"...
Makes you wonder, doesn't it? And all sanctioned by The Bank of New York. Somebody is making $$$ off of all of us, in a very twisted, sad, and sordid way... I feel worse for those people who think they have no recourse...

.

..."Stupid is as stupid does"...

.

I ran across yet another stupid article in the Green Bay Press Gazette that hit a little closer to home for me. This, from Pulaski...

The headline reads...

"Pulaski canning plant's odor has neighbors fuming"

(Click the headline if you want to read the whole story).

In short, it seems as though some idiots are complaining that the canning factory stinks. ~~~~Hmmm.... DUH. No kidding??? REALLY???

To the silly people of Pulaski, I would say that the canning factory has been there for quite some time now. I would even venture to say that the canning factory roots go back longer than the history of your own homes! Go figure.

And it all reminds me of all the people who "m~o~o"ve out to the countryside for bigger yards, and to raise their children away from town. (Not a bad idea in and of itself)... But sure as a cow has teats, they start to complain that the manure from neighboring farms stinks.
(Repeat, Hmmm.... DUH. No kidding??? REALLY???)!

Do they actually expect that the bossie cow doo~doo won't stink then?

Having been raised on a dairy farm I can attest to the fact that it certainly DOES stink. (And depending upon what changes in feeding have occured, there are times that cow doo~doo smells even worse than what they complain of)...

It is a well known fact that the origin of this "smell" makes wonderful fertilizer when spread upon the fields. That, and the fact that it is not a chemical fertilizer makes it even more attractive to the farmer. Cheaper than anything else anyone has ever come up with anyway. Kind of The Original Recycling Program if you will.

So if you are thinking about moving out to Gods Country at any time, please do not whine and complain about the odors associated with the wide open land.

And I am thinking that the people of Pulaski need to quit their whining too. (Of course, they COULD go back to wherever they came from in the first place).

Nuff said.

So, back to my blog...
Have you experienced your own 15 minutes of fame?
Or was it 15 Minutes of Shame??

Either way, please DO tell!
(I just hope it wasn't crying to the town council about anything stinky). hehehe

Or maybe you haven't had your 15 minutes yet, how about the worst smell you ever ran into???

Have a great Tuesday all!

XOXO
Anne

.

.

Counter

.

Piggies. Feral Cats. (and Other Small Animals).

After yesterdays entry, I just HAD to include this picture of my 10 Little Piggies!
hehehe

.
(Taken in Milwaukee during one of Caseys visits to Froedtert)...

.

.

Good Morning All;

I guess the above picture attests to the fact that MAYBE I had put my feet on backwards that day. (At least it wasn't my head)...

So much happening in the past few days here.

BUT, only one MOW~ISS sighting.
(Unfortunately it was in my living room)!

Not too sure who saw it first either... Maybe Berta, maybe Gabriel. But of a sudden, a flurry of activity, (and a few squeals too)!

No more denial or procrastinatiing either; it WAS high time to get a cat.

I called a dear friend of mine. Cathie currently has 23 feral cats around her place outside. (And obviously NO mice INside)... She catches them in a live animal trap and takes them all in to be spayed or neutered. With this program, they also give the rabies vaccine. Once these cats are spayed, neutered and vaccinated, the vet clips a bit off their ears to signify they are "fixed" and vaccinated.

Did she have one I could possibly keep inside to help out with my little grey fuzzy problem? She said she had received one that had just been dumped off at her place about 2 weeks ago. Already caught once and neutered, maybe she could catch him again and bring him the next day.

She was here WITHIN THE HOUR, with a young cat in the trap. The very same one she had spoken of. Knowing that I was ill~prepared to have a cat at that moment, she also brought over some food and some litter. (Thank you Cathie)!

He must have been either starved for attention or just silly because he took to my house with no problems, no running around goofy looking for an exit either. She said he had followed her even to get her mail. And since Friday afternoon, I don't think he has been alone for more than a few minutes... Always following someone, or napping close by. Whomever threw this cat out has a major problem. He is adorable, and wonderful!

.

.

Myself. Cathie. And Mr. "S".

.

.

.

And a short while later to allow Punk to meet her new roomie too!
(One little hiss put Punkin down on her belly on the couch)...

.

.

And then, NO MORE PROBLEMS at all.

.

NOT a single ONE.

.

.

They have been fast friends ever since!

.

.

After a bit of "meet and greet", Mr. "S" took to wandering about...

Almost his first stop was the back room here.

He quickly made himself comfortable.

...TOO comfortable if you ask me...

.

.

How could he know???

.
But was quickly removed from my desktop too.

(Sorry "S", no cats allowed up here)...

.

.

Kinda lazy so far, (and chose then to nap UNDER the desk)...

.

.

Yes, he was sleeping! Too funny!!!

.

.

He had to be shown, along with The Punkster, exactly where the mouse had gone yesterday evening.

.

.

Berta might just have to demonstrate "The Catch" too!
hehehe

.

.

Meanwhile, lots of things were happening in the basement...
Jenny Mella came home for Casey, and to help her get her little things back over here.

.
You may have already read Caseys take on "Being in Love"~ and the break~up that ensued... ~CLICK~HERE if you don't know yet.

.

They cleared a few places in the basement, and were simply thrilled to be done! Or maybe they were just really happy that "S" had used his little litterbox!

.

.

CaseyAnne and Jenny!!!

.

.

We tried to get Master Gabriel down for a nap, but he was having none of that. He vacated his crib every time he went up there. He also destroyed my last box of Kleenex in the process, (but that's a small price to pay for having an entertained child)!

Later, Jenny thought she might then 'nap' with him in the living room...

.

.

But he kept peeking!
hehehe

.

Too much excitement at Grandma's house to be sleeping for Petes sake.

.

.

Besides, I am sure he was thinking about his Halloween Costume that Grandma had gotten for him...

.

.

Scarecrow!!!

.

.

.

Oh, and he has also turned 2! What a wonderful young man!!!.

Mama says his "Terrible Twos" came early though! hehehe So did Roberta's way back when... (And they stayed for almost 10 years for her). Just kidding!

Casey borrowed Sams truck. Jenny had her parents van. They made only one trip to collect her things. Jennys mom and dad came to help unload, since I am pretty danged useless right about now...

Thank God for friends!

Thank God for them all.

And thank God for YOU too!

Enjoy what is left of your weekend!
And don't forget to watch the Packer game tonight!!!
Going to the game???? Wear white, and you party animals are forewarned too.
(Sorry, no "get out of jail free" cards...
hehehe

XOXO
Anne

."MEOW!" to all!

.

.

Mr. "S" ~vegging on the windowsill!

.

He is a smokey charcoal grey and actually looks blue in some light.
Very pretty!

.
Just a guess, but about 7 or 8 months old, if that.
And these mousies should fatten him up in no time!

.

.

.

.

Counters

..

MY Turn to Finally Go In...

(Yes, there is a wild turkey or two at the bottom left in the above picture).

.

.

Good Saturday Morning All;

A few of you know how I have been feeling lately... And so finally I made an appointment earlier this week to see my doctor. Not being able to walk without some nasty pain in my foot, I went in yesterday morning. He did xrays and decided it is not broken.

.

.

Feet! How gross!
But I couldn't resist posting it either!
(Hope you are not eating breakfast)...
hehehe

.

.

Strange but true here... Around Labor Day, my left foot began to cramp up every now and then. Painful, but walk them off and they go away. Then came some pain. Liveable, and mostly tolerable. For the past week and a half though, it has swollen, some red, (but just a little of both), and has made for some very painful walking (and movements too). What I did to it remains a mystery. Just bad pain.

My doctor also checked out the beasties that had taken up residence in my chest. Said my lungs are clear now. YAY! That bit of Guafenisen 'sp' and Sudafed, and tons of garlic really DOES work.

I do have a great immune system. Casey is jealous and wants mine. (And if it were possible, I would gladly give her my own).

With respect for "gimpy" me, she has been very busy around here, (which is definitely MORE than I can say for myself)...

.

.

.

Digging up the garden, while I cut the lawns.

(Yes Berta, I trust her with a fork)! hehehe

.

.

Digging even more...

.

.

And not satisfied with the measly corn stalks in the garden, she went out into the field, and dug even more...

.

.

Bigger, taller and much sturdier stalks out there...

(Leftovers from 2006's field of corn, they had come up on their own this year).

.

.

And I am thinking that Casey either dug too much, (or too hard)...

.

.

And broke the fork!

.

.

So she moved on to weedwhacking...

.

.

I took this picture right b~4 she MURDERED my precious baby spruce.

.

(Yes, she is still alive).

.

Although my babied, baby tree is not.

.

.

.

We planted 7 new baby trees then...

.

.

Yesterday was my appointment, and we stopped at Maplewood Meats on the way back home. We bought up a few of their $2.00 bones for the pups. So big they are, that each dog actually had a problem carrying them in their mouths!

.

.

Milly got hers first...

.

.

Punk gets hers in the house...
She literally dragged it over to her bone pillow.

.

.

.

Coming home, it was threatening rain! A good thing as it was 84 or 85 degrees, and I didn't feel like carrying water to my new little trees anyway.

We broke a record for October heat here; and will do the very same today, breaking yesterdays record. They are calling for about 87 (humid) degrees. UGH. I knew there was a reason I hadn't yet taken my window air conditioner out yet...

(Please remind me I might have complained, come January and February)...

Before that rain though to get the rider back in the garage...

.

.

.

The dogs were a bit worried because they hadn't seen KC on the rider before.

hehehe

.

It is still raining... A godsend to my well too! Hopefully the rain is cleaning off the pumpkins which are all ready to be taken in too.

I hope you all have a grand weekend!!!

XOXO
Anna~Anna
aka "The Gimp"

.

Time for me to go comment on your yesterdays comments now!

.

Free Website Counters

.

.

One Thought. Two Questions...

And a One~Track Mind... (mine)...

Truly, this is really getting MORE than ridiculous...

Going out to the (attached) garage yesterday, and starting the Cub Cadet, I chanced to see a little parade of "meeces" scuttle along the back wall... Am thinking that BIG noise must have startled them most completely. hehehe (Yes, two mice can make their own parade)...

So, (brain that I am), I go off to locate the only mousetrap that I actually KNOW where it is. My thought process being that maybe I could get them before they actually found their way INside the house...

I go down to the basement, and find the trap right where I had left it last Winter...

...atop the crawlspace.

To my simple, complete and utter amazement, it is quite occupied.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Yes. That is a teeny tiny skeleton...

.

.

(And I couldn't help but laugh my freakin' butt off either).

My dehumidifier works just great too...

.

.

And I was left thinking that maybe $120.00 isn't THAT bad of a price to pay. (See prior blog)...

First question...

"Moose~Da~Kitty", WHERE ARE YOU now???

.

.

For those of you that might not have been around when my little kitty was, this is a picture of our Amos, (aka "The Moose"), in his heyday...

.

.

21+ pounds of "Grace" personified... ...

???

.

.

.

...And I am thinkin' I sure miss him right about now...

.

.

That is all.

Have a mice day.

XOXO
Anne

.

.

Oh wait, yes, there are supposed to be TWO questions...

.

.

What's in YOUR mousetrap???

.

.

.

.

Free Website Counter

.

.

.

Moses and Meeces...

Good Morning All;

I had taken the above picture on one of our trips down to Froedtert... On the way down there to comment upon how the further south we went, the more fall colors we saw. Odd that way. On the way home to notice that there was even MORE color 3 days later. Usually we have more color, earlier, than southward. Must have been for the lack of any decent rains.

.

.

.

Back to Flintville now... To be in the high 70's and lower 80's for the rest of the week, (or so they say now anyway). Lots more sunshine today, and will get the garden cleared off, and maybe some Autumn decorations happening too. (I told Casey this is HER job because I do not have the decorationg sense of a mouse)!

Did someone say "MOUSE"?

I am thinking that "I hate those meeces to pieces"...

... I brought out my recycle bag yesterday, (from the garage to the old milkhouse), and under where the contractor bag had been was all that chewed~up something~or~another. No, they have NOT signed any leases giving them the right to invade my garage or my home. And I know I will have to put a few cubes of poison out, (and keep all eyes on dogs while they are out and about)...

Yes, I go through this every year 'bout this time... Notice I never complain when they move out come Spring??? By then though, it isn't an issue of having them move out; (the ones that had managed to get in have hopefully all gone to that big mousetrap in the sky)! hehehe

Punk thinks the mice are for her entertainment pleasure alone. And isn't too big of a mouser. We even stopped at the Humane Society to find a cat, but you cannot touch a cat for under $120.00. HOLY MOSES!!! I almost died to see those pricetags...

So, I shall have to show Miss Punk how it's done then. She can watch and learn! (And as long as she keeps her snout out of the mousetraps, all should be well). hehehe

.

.

There's the dog... ........ There's the door...

"Um," ..."Where's the mousies???"

.

"Would someone PLEASE let me out?"

.

.

I shall try to take a few pictures outside today... Maybe a "before~and~after" type of thing to see if we really DO make any progress. Somedays outside work is like spending a whole day cleaning closets and such; you KNOW you have been busy, but can't even see what difference you have made either...

We made one heck of a difference at breakfast yesterday though. A bit of Polska Keilbasa (Polish Sausage), and a few small pancakes too!

.

.

Mmmmm... LOVE those blueberries!

.

.

And so I am off, and outside in a little while. The Casey~Kid and The Punk are still asleep, so I shall go check on a few of you before I go then...

Have a grand Thursday!!!

XOXO
Anne

.

.

Free Web Site Counters

.

.hehehe

Do keep an eye on your playground equipment...

One more recall for you!!!

hehehe

.

(Stolen from an email)...

I&#39;m Back! *Bizarre October Holidays

Dang. I always forget something here!

So at the bottom now is Octobers Bizarre Holidays....

Good Morning Everyone!

I have not blogged for a few days, mostly because of my beasties, and the fact that I don't seem to be able to really concentrate a whole lot. Feels like I have those rocks above in my brain somedays... Hopefully though you will be able to keep up today. AND, I promise to keep it short(er) too!

First of all, and MOST importantly to take a moment to thank everyone sincerely for their comments, suggestions and for sharing your own stories of abuse within my last entry.
I do know how hard this is to do, most especially if you are 'new' to leaving (and commited to staying that way). Gods blessings on you all. I know that your words and stories have helped so very much.

Casey~Face had another doctor appointment on Monday. After we were done there, we stopped for bite to eat. Miss Punk had gone along for the ride too. Now that she is older, she just LOVES going for these little rides... And NO barfing either! Not even a slobber or a drool anymore. It was cool Monday, overcast, and a bit drizzly, but we left the back windows cracked just in case the sun would come out. (One never knows)... She (mostly) doesn't mind going to the clinic, and waits patiently for us to come out. She is still upset when we go into town though; she hates all the people and the noises from all the cars and trucks that go by.

Like I said, we stopped for a bit of brunch. I parked under the only tree that would have offered shade should the sun have made its appearance. Coming out of the restaurant, this is what we see...

.

.

It's a "PEEK~A~BOO PUNK!"

Guess she was 'hiding' from the people, and the traffic that went behind.

.

.

Still not diagnosed, and not even having heard from Froedtert in all this time, Casey is doing very well... Except for intermittent pain. (Knock on wood, please). This can change hourly at times...

But she is, cute as ever too!

.

.

It is amazing what a new haircut can do for our spirits!

.

.

I am thinking that maybe Miss Punk is jealous and wants HER own spirits lifted?

.

.

Or maybe she had just broke wind?

hehehe

.

.

Perhaps she was just upset that she could have none of our lunch yesterday....

.

.

Sorry Punk , I'd only made two pieces of chicken...

.

.

.

Today we shall have the leftover veggies and rice with shrimp scampi.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm......

.

.

Anyone wanna come for lunch?

Sunny today as the rains and most of the winds have passed, and we have more than a little outside work to be done before it turns too cold.

Just one of those grand Autumn days!

Have a 'wunnaful' Wednesday! I hope it is as lovely by you!!!

XOXO
Anne

.

.

Bizarre Holidays in October

October 1 is World Vegetarian Day and Magic Circles Day

October 2 is Name Your Car Day

October 3 is Virus Appreciation Day

October 4 is National Golf Day

October 5 is National Storytelling Festival

October 6 is German-American Day and Come and Take It Day

October 7 is National Frappe Day

October 8 is American Tag Day

October 9 is Moldy Cheese Day

October 10 is National Angel Food Cake Day

October 11 is It's My Party Day

October 12 is International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day

October 13 is National Peanut Festival

October 14 is Be Bald and Free Day and National Dessert Day

October 15 is White Cane Safety Day

October 16 is Dictionary Day

October 17 is Gaudy Day

October 18 is No Beard Day

October 19 is Evaluate Your Life Day

October 20 is National Brandied Fruit Day

October 21 is Babbling Day

October 22 is National Nut Day

October 23 is National Mole Day

October 24 is National Bologna Day

October 25 is "Punk For A Day" Day

October 26 is Mule Day

October 27 is Sylvia Plath Day

October 28 is Plush Animal Lover's Day and National Chocolate Day

October 29 is Hermit Day

October 30 is National Candy Corn Day

October 31 is National Magic Day and Increase Your Psychic Powers Day

.

.

from here

.

Counter

.

Abuse

It's NOT what you think this blog is about...

But I am thinking the above picture says it all!

Pucker up... .stolen from here click

.

.

Good Monday Morning Everyone!

Recently, I have had the chance to be taken back to my own younger days. To rehash, and rethink, upon things I hadn't given thought to (for years maybe)...

Most of us, and I was clearly NO exception, thought we knew almost everything in our late teens. We were forces to be reckoned with. Damn the torpedoes, full speed a head. And we were going to change the world (cuz we simply knew SO much)!

We changed all right.

Most importantly to have succeeded only in changing our own little worlds.

...Making our own self, and our own world, comfortable enough; not only for ourselves, but perhaps for someone else to come in, sit down and feel safe too.

Life itself has taught me that I can only do this if I am willing to share the 'all' of it all.

But I have 'gone back'...

I married right out of high school.

Hindsight being 20/20, I did this only to get out of the house where I always took a backseat to my misguided sister. (Note, I do not harbor resentment to what happened then, but most recently, I have been shown acute betrayal from this same sister too).

...Water under the bridge, and all that... Not important to this blog.

In a previous blog, "Relationships ~ What May Define" >click< , I had used words from one of the Oprah shows.

That blog, and those words made me think, and to revisit.

I thought back to my first kiss. Holy Mackeral, I was IN LOVE with this man! It had to be love, didn't it? I mean, he kissed me for Petes sake! I was all of 14 (to the best of my recollection), and had attended my cousins wedding that evening. Having taken Ballroom Dance classes at the YWCA, I could dance to almost anything. And was even asked to! (That's one "YAY" for the wallflower here). hehehe

After I realized it was ONLY a kiss, I was devastated for a long time. It was to that date, one of the worst feelings I had ever felt, and I didn't think it would ever go away. In truth, that devastation lasted all of about 9 hours or so, (but it ruined my entire day too).

Fast forward a few years. I found myself wanting to be rid of all the crap of home. I was 18, (and legal almost everywhere). I certainly didn't 'need' my parents anymore. They had done their jobs well, and had taught me everything I needed to know.

So I married and had babies. Only to realize when I was 5 or 6 weeks pregnant with my oldest that I was married to a monster. This was only the first time he hit me.

And so it went.

I was determined to remain married. After all, I had promised in front of God and everyone there that I would. "Better or worse" and all that BS...

The tears! OMG, if I could have harnessed the sorrow in my own husbands voice when he apologized to me afterwards, I would have been rich beyond my wildest dreams.

Dreams? Those same dreams were fading fast. Each punch. Every slap. The dreams got pushed quietly to the background of my soul.

With each new day came a wonder that what would happen that day. How could I make it alright? How could I "fix" it so he would be happy? Why wasn't I making him happy?

More words too. These insults and put~downs have actually remained part and parcel of myself all these years after all the bruises have healed.

...Sometimes I think words are the worst of it. They have that certain "staying power"...

And no, you cannot take them back. That will be between God and himself, later.

While I was raising babies, he was working. He held this 'work = money = value' over my head countless times. But I didn't need money then (or now) to make me feel important; so those insults, for the most part, rolled off my back.

I know now he said these things to try to keep me in my place.

?

He had been raised with plently of money. It was important to him, even though he claimed it wasn't or he would have not tried to make me feel bad about it in the 1st place.

Words...

And the name~calling...

Ugly.

Bitch.

Crazy. (I am still partial to that one). hehehe

Slut. (Yup, after all, I was with him).

...And too many more to even write (or to care about anymore). Just that like I said, they DO have that 'staying power'.

3 babies, and 4 and a half years later; made black and blue countless times from this controlling and dominating husband, and coming home to a shotgun in my face, I decided that it was time to let my parents know that they hadn't taught me everything after all.

They were not at all surprised when I finally filed for divorce. Actually, my own fathers words to me then were, "What took you so long?"

But none the less, a certain blow to my insides too. Ellen Barkin said of her own break~up, "Not even a mountain of cushion-cut diamonds can soften a blow like this."

And then the sobs began...

The wailing, the begging, and oh, the tears...

Not mine, mind you, but my soon~to~be ex's...

"I promise it will never happen again." (BINGO! You got that one right).

"I will change." (Tigers. Stripes. Nuff said).

"If I can't have you, I will kill myself." (Ummm, wait BuddyBoy, if YOU don't care about your own life, then tell me why the hell I should)?? Hmmm... ?

And it was done.

And I was NOT anyones doormat, even though for quite some time, on the inside I still felt my name was "MATT"... But I grew out of that too. And no one walks on my heart or my body anymore; unless I want them to.

I wish that every young person could know this story too.

And that you do not get married for the wrong reasons. Ever.

Just a 'want' to be married, and a 'hope' that all things will eventually work themselves out is not ever enough.

And obviously missing from my own first marriage was the word 'commitment' on his part. He was only commited to himself, even though he did give grand 'lip~service' to all the rest.

Actions always speak louder than words.

And sometimes in life, we have to learn the hard way, (or die trying)...

Many of you commented that you did learn the hard way.

I hope your stories do not equal my own. But I know also that there are too many that do...

And so you kissed.

And for whatever reason you thought you fell in love.

What ultimately destroyed that love you thought you had?

Or is it love in the 1st place IF it can be destroyed????

Were you truly in love?

Or were you in love with the idea of being in love????

How long did you feel the pain? Before, during and afterward?

How do you define control?

Does control have any place in a healthy, happy relationship?

Abuse takes many forms and suppresses many bright spirits.

And not to matter if it is psychological, emotional, physical, sexual or in any other form. "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet" (Or however it goes).

What do you tell your own friends that are suffering, and perhaps trying to end a relationship that they feel they need?

So help me out folks....

And do have a 'wunnaful' Monday too.

XOXO
Anne

.

.

Free Web Site Counter

.

.

10 Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Date updated: April 17, 2007
Content provided by Revolution Health Group

>CLICK HERE<

Hundreds of thousands of women and men are abused by a current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend each year.

In fact, the National Domestic Violence Hotline answers more than 16,000 calls every month from victims, survivors, friends and family members, law enforcement personnel, domestic violence advocates and the general public.

If you or someone you know experiences any of the following signs of an abusive relationship, get help now. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (or 800-799-7233) or TTY (800) 787-3224. Help is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

1. Your partner destroys your personal belongings.

2. Your partner touches you in ways that scare or hurt you.

3. Your partner forbids you to seek medical treatment.

4. You frequently feel humiliated, insulted or degraded by your partner — who then denies contributing to these feelings or says that the abuse is your fault.

5. You feel dominated and/or controlled — meaning he or she controls where you go, what you do and whom you see or talk to.

6. You frequently receive the "silent treatment," and feel like your partner purposefully keeps you at a distance emotionally.

7. You feel threatened, or are threatened with violence.

8. You're isolated, or made to feel isolated, from your friends and family.

9. You are not allowed to have control of your own money.

10. You are forced to have sex or you're forced into sexual activities you're uncomfortable with or that hurt you.

.

Please feel free to add to this list...

I thank you in advance for sharing of your thoughts, life, your values, and your own hearts.

I am going to add one right now.

How about? ...The withholding of love, or sex, or affection, only to cause pain.

.