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This, from my email...
"Roping A Deer"
(Names have been removed to protect the UNEDUCATED!) --
*****
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I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.
The first step in this adventure obviously was getting a deer.
I figured since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), that it should not be difficult to rope one; get up to it and toss a bag over its head. (to calm it down).
Then I would hog tie it; and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.
(The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it).
After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them.
I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.
That darn deer just stood there and stared at me.
I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.
The deer still just stood and stared at me.
(But you could tell that it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation).
I took a step towards it...
...It took a step away.
I put a little tension on the rope; and then received quite an education.
The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer freakin' EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt.
A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.
A deer? Not a chance.
That damn thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled.
There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it.
(As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined).
The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.
A brief 10 minutes later, the deer was finally tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. (It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the huge gashes in my head).
At that point, I had completely and utterly lost my taste for corn-fed venison.
I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.
I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slowly and painfully somewhere.
There was no love at all between me and that deer.
And at that moment, I hated the thing.
(I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual).
Despite the gashes about my head and face, (and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by violently bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground), I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in.
I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder.
...This was a little trap I had set beforehand, (very much like a squeeze chute).
I got it to back in there; and I started moving up so I could get my rope back...
What I got was even MORE "education"
Did you know that deer bite?
They do!
Never in a million years would I have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go.
A deer bites you and shakes its head, (very much like a pit bull).
They bite HARD (and it hurts).
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly.
I tried screaming and shaking instead.
My method was ineffective.
While it seemed that the devil deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, it was likely only several seconds.
Being smarter than a deer, (you may be questioning that claim by now?), I tricked it.
While I kept it busy with tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and finally pulled that rope loose.
That was when I got my final education in "Deer Behavior" for the day.
Deer will strike at you with their front feet.
They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about your head and shoulder area. (Their hooves are surprisingly sharp).
I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse -- strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.
This was not a horse.
This was a deer. Such trickery would not work.
In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.
I screamed like a woman, and tried to turn and run.
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that it paws at you and there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
Deer may not be so different from horses after all, (besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil).
The very second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
When a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave.
(I suspect that it does not recognize that the danger to it has passed).
What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you. (This, while you are laying there crying like a little girl, and covering your head).
I finally managed to crawl under the truck.
The deer went away.
I think now I know why, when people go deer hunting, they bring a rifle with a scope.
(It's just to try to even the odds).
